Well, I got MORE contact from Falwell! Awhile ago, I sent in a "Please
pray for me" card (I claimed my mother was sick and that my roommate was
involved in a false cult called the "Church of the SubGenius"), figuring
they'd pray for me in some kind of boiler-room operation.
But no! I got personal service! A couple days ago, I got a call from
"T.J." at Liberty University. He wanted to know if he could pray for me
over the phone. First, he asked a couple questions ("Is your mother any
better? What's the Church of the SubGenius?"), then he launched into the
It was as scripted as a phone-sex line. First, he did a "generic" prayer
segment, the gist of which was "Hey, God! Wake up, we got a live one
here!". Then, he did the "False cults" subroutine ("his roommate is
involved in the Church of the SubGenius, we don't know quite what that
is, but You said to worship only you" - actual quote!). Then, the
extremely long "sick mother" bit. It must be popular amooong Jerry's
Once the prayer was finished, T.J. said, still reading from his script,
"Thank you for your time, Ma'am." I guess male Faith Partners are a
So I've been prayed for PERSONALLY! I don't know whether T.J. was 1) a
sincerely religious person, 2) a college kid getting credit for ccharity
work, or 3) an unpaid intern. Whichever, it's certainly better service
than I expected.
But what sort of name is "T.J." for a religious worker? They should have
given him a fake name, like at the phone-sex lines. "Hi, this is
Hezekiah, may I pray for you?"
* * * * *
Subject: Re: Faith Partners update
From: email@example.com (ChrisTuck)
"Thank you for your time, Ma'am."
Obviously, it was Sterno on the phone, fucking around Lynchburg again,
peeing asses for fun and prophet.
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