No One Died

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jul 6, 2009 6:20 PM

That's the bad news. 7 a.m. July 5 came and went, but not one of the
Pinks (i.e., anyone disliked by any dues-paying SubGenius, EXCEPT
other such SubGenii) died due to any Rupsture or Arisal of Xists. THAT

The good news is, no SubGeniuses died at our big party. A few drank
too much or "took the other half," and might end up seeing pictures of
themselves unconscious on the Internet, not that I plan to post them,
and I'm sure there are unexplained bruises and aches and pains on many
people's body parts, but all in all the rate of serious injury was
quite low.

On Sunday night, Princess Wei, Dr. Hal and I made it from Brushwood to
the Radio Synesthesia show at WCSB's studio in Cleveland by 10 pm
exactly, and did a 2 hour show with Lonesome Cowboy Dave and Rocknar
(and others) joining by phone. Then we crashed at the Slackermansion
and stayed that way until fairly recently. When I awoke at 1 every
joint, muscle and cartilage in my body hurt -- I don't just oversee
the breakdown, packing and unpacking -- but after a few jolts of java
even the gigantic physical pain has subsided. I have even completely
emptied the iVan, although I haven't done much else, such as count the
money, download the photos or label the disks.

Anybody who thought, during X-Day, "Poor Rev. Stang, he's got so many
things to do at X-Day that he hardly ever gets to just kick back and
destroy his mind and soul with inebriants and fatty grilled meat like
all the rest of us." And it is true that after Thursday night I had to
stay on the ball and close to the stage most of the time. But don't
feel bad for old Rev. Stang. In my suitcase is THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.
Others return from X-Day with a little sunburn, a couple of mosquito
bites, a bit of a hangover, many cool knick-knacks and memories, and
pregnant, but I return with a suitcase full of THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.
So don't feel too bad that I had to watch the V.U. meters and wrap a
few cables now and then.

I don't want to start into a big report right now, because I have a
house guest, and more on the way, and also because I'm still only now
beginning to recall some of the specific details. There was just so
damn much going on! I must say however that despite this being the
Drill with the shittiest weather for the first 3 days, and the coldest
7.a. July 5 ever, it also was the Drill with the most astoundingly
gorgeous display of Connietite flesh in recent times. Even the
Brushwood owners noticed that we had an unusual number of new, young
faces. And shoulders and legs and butts and such.

X-Day IS a sausage fest. I had some KILLER sausage served to me by
many beautiful young and not-so-young ladies. The Bobtism was
unprecedented. Playboy or Penthouse should pick up on this. Hustler
will, more likely.



Subject: Re: No One Died
From: "Rev. Anna Dynamite" <>

No one died?



Well, I'm glad *someone* had a good time and that everyone else is
going home with sore butts, empty wallets, and wet feets. I'm looking
forward to hearing many a delightful tale of this year's goings-on.
Sorry I missed it!


Subject: Re: No One Died
From: "Rev. Richard Skull" <>

On Jul 6, 7:23 pm, Valerie <> wrote:
> On Jul 6, 6:28 pm, RastaBillyBob <> wrote:
> > On Jul 6, 5:20 pm, "Rev. Ivan Stang" <> wrote:
> > > That's the bad news.
> > Not even Legume, I assume.
> no one shot him :(

Oh Don't worry!

When I got to Brushwood last Monday, Legume was the only other SubG
there. He has some cheap toy IR Night Vision Goggles that he
accidently left on over night and ran the abtteries down.

I used by Manly Sears Craftsman Tool Box to open up the Goggles and
replace the batteries!

Little did Legume know, that while appearing to not be able to get the
Goggles back together correctly, I was converting his Night Vision
ina GayDar which will turn him Gay!


Subject: Re: No One Died
From: Zapanaz <>

I think Rev. Priest has the right idea ... if X-Day comes, we win, but
if it doesn't, WE SAVED THE WORLD!

International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
YOU can be more like "Bob" than you are now!

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