Subject: Brag of the NHGH Worshiping SubGenius

From: (Two Beans)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Jul 10, 2001 6:39 PM
Message-ID: <>

(I was gonna unleash this onstage at XD4, but the rants had
started.....and the paper I printed it out on was waaaayyyyyy across
the Brushwood field.....and I got lazy...

Anyway, here ya go.)

Brag of the NHGH Worshiping SubGenius
By: Two Beans

YESSAH! I killed off "Bob" and didn't call Connie the following
morning! I surf the Luck Plane on a bodyboard made from a pink's
severed torso. HANG TEN! I smile with everlasting HATE at my
surroundings and cause heads to EXPLODE with a flashed grin. Have a
nice day, they say? I say have a really BAD day, and they DO. At a
whim their lives fall apart. Their conspiricy dollars come to life,
and the pictures of the presedents cheat on their wives! I tripped
JHVH-1 by pushing him from the front AND getting on my hands and knees
behind him. I am the joke AND the fuck. "Fuck 'em if they can't take a
joke"? I don't think so! "Fuck 'em WITH the joke!" The joke you can
only get up your ass! Your colon deserves a laugh too, yanno! The
divine pranks pulled by me force the world to WILT and DIE! You warn
me about antislack? I am an antislack VORTEX! Antislack accually GIVES
me Slack. PUHRAISE LOKI! I suck down the universe's BAD VIBES and get
STONED from the fumes. GHEEE! I am the GAME! Pick up a penny from the
street and you get lucky, pick up one hundred dollars dropped by me
without returning it and you get leukimia, syphillus, AND an eternity
in hell. I twist my ankle and SMILE! I challenge the gods to fight me
to the death and they HIRE ME to be their "chosen one". I taught
G'Broagfran how to play the keyboard! I told God to fuck Josef's wife
and I slipped him a BAD CONDOM. I slipped Mohammed the brown acid
right before that "angel" visited him. I am...

(sounds of pain, mutation, giggles, and possession......voice changes
to that of PURE EVIL)

....I AM THE HYPERNHEEGHEE! I am the one that makes you laugh at your
own misfortune. The pink boys beg me for a taste of my spunk, and I
have them choke to death on GALLONS of it! I'm that bad song in your
head that WON'T GO AWAY! That same song that eventually gives you a
brain tumor, and you claw though your own skull just to stop thinking
that song. I am the prime force of the inopportune typo. I am the
split in your best pair of pants. I am the split in your best pair of

I am the wet dream that causes you to soil your best friend's couch
when you crash at his pad. I am the menstral flow that arrives in the
girl's shower at school. I am the cartoon that brings your child into
fits of epylepsy. I AM THE BUTTERFLY BALLOT.

I have a great smile. I....

(sounds of thrashing, violence, weird stuff, dispossession)

...I... I.... I....need some 'frop...


Two Beans

"There, the spark leaps to life. The Golden Age quivers on the brink
of creation. Live, my machine! Live my savior! You have my breath...
You have my dream, my dream."
-The Residents, "Failure / Reconstruction" from the album Mark of the

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