From: "Aaronius" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: Sat, 6 Jul 2002 19:15:45 -0500
(((The Western Kentucky Clench 'O' Cow Tippers left XDV early, at around 6:00pm Brushwood Time on July 5th, so any event beyond that is not included)))
MOUTH CANCER, SLACKLESSNESS, AND THE SONG TO END ALL SONGS! THE REPORT OF ASQUIRE ON X-DAY FIVE!
The road to Brushwood was a long one from our clenches HQ in Owensboro, Kentucky but fully worth the drive. XXXXX-Day was officially began at some point in the afternoon on Wendsday by Jesus who said that their was enough subgenii to begin it.
Before the start of X-Day, several groups of subgenii had already arrived, most set up in Alt.Slack woods, or along the dirt road to piss off the pagans.
When we first arrived we set up camp (parked the van) next to the "roundhouse' and went lookin for mischief. It wasnt long before we were bothering pagans and attempting to to shove a pipe in the mouth of their alter god.
Once we found we wernt welcome at the fire circle, we tried to find some other subgenii...it didnt take long. Rev Sex Mortus and Lord Sloth were both laughing at the naked people wearing red suspenders, so Lon and I figured that they were subgenii. We got introduced and all was well.
Day two was a bitch waking up. Dew all over everything, wet clothes and runny noses and those damn pagans were still beating those drums! The next couple days follwed like that: Taking trips to alt.slack, making fun of the pagans, waiting for subgenii to arrive, and making asses out of ourselves.
It was around day three I suppose that I noticed that the back of my gums were bleeding...at first I started to freak out but then I realized that with the money i was suppose to be saving to get my wisdom teeth cut out, i had been using on fine dobbsco products (for a complete list of dobbsco products send one dollar to: "Bob" <bold>PO BOX 204206 - Austin, TX 78720-4206</bold>) , my wisdom teeth had split the back gums right in two, like a fleashy little canyon of pulsing redness and oozehurt. Well of course i figure the only way to fix my gums is to consume the only beverages we had...cokes, and more cokes. After a few days my teeth had been so knocked out by the massive amounts of sugar that cold sores were lining my jaws. If that wasnt slackless enough, our food supply was nothing but peanut butter, chips and pretzels. Each one with little crunchy chunks that got deep down in the blistery cracks of my sores to agitate and and inflame them even more.
By wensday we were out of food and drinks so I got in the van and Rev Country Bumpkin and I drove to Erie to get food our only form of money was a Citgo card). The 40 miles trip must have worn on my because after drivinf two states to get food, I had forgotten that my mouth was as sensative as a freashly circumsized dog wenis and I bough 7 cases of cokes and 4 bags of chips. It wasnt until we got back to Brushwood when I realized what I had done.
BUT IT GETS WORSE!!!!!!!!
Besides being the victim of a face fucking bat, we also had run out of all of our money. We had enough to cover some registration fees..but we didnt have enought to pay our camp fees. So we did what every self repecting subgenii does when the time has come that they have limited their choices down by their own stupidity..... .....we whored oueselves out to Brushwood.
As days passed, you might have noticed the perfumy scent radiating >from the toliets and showers...and the cleaness of Brushwood in general, well my friend..thats all me..Rev Asquire and Lon and Justin Case and Country Bumkin cleaned those babies till you could see you ass in them...if thats what turns you on you sick Fucks!
But then we found Jesus... ....somewhere around the bathrooms. He came over to the van and tried to take my matress with him, we told him our situation and he said he would help us out...if we whored ourselves to the subgenius foundation. ( I thought I whored myself over when i paid my 30 bucks!) Anyway Jesus made us an offer we couldnt refuse...hell, he was jesus.
On a side note I'd just like to say that I think Jesus was checking me out the whole time I was there. I mean, he sat on my van, he let met eat his old cold cheese nachos..and he even left the holy grail out one day so that Rev Gary and i could drink from it. ( i think that was a bad idea for my mouths sake) Even STANG himself seemed to have the hots for me, he did keep going to the restroom near the van......NIGH NIGH!!! The very restroom that I had cleaned just a few hours before!!!
Well, time passed as time does and we all got all fancey fied up and went to Lil and Thea's Weddin Ceremony. It was a beautiful thing seeing twoyeti join and I could feel the oozquirt riseing inside me. It wasnt long before I got my mojo working and danced around like a mad man. When the podium cleared up I went and ranted a while on various things.
Pices followed me in ranting and then Sun Nguyen and Sex Mortis and Lon and Rocknar, then the most beutiful thing happened...Cozmodiar's band got on stage and began what i have come to call "THE SUBGENII OOZQUIRT LOVE SUITE" It was a 2 hour plus medly of wierd surrealism and ozzfunk that everybody got into. It was like an orgy of sound that twisted the ear drum. The lyrics were ad libbed by the crowd of watchers as into the night Mortis, myself, Princess Wei, Lon, Country Bumpkin, Sun Nguyen, Sloth, and others sung out praises of "bob" and enjoyed ourselves to the fullest! WE DANCED THE JIVE FUNK MONKEE DANCE OF HE 7 CORNERS OF THE WORLD!!!
This sacred balled was put to acting by Wei and others as a strange TERRIBLE/FANTASTIC rendition of a latent subgenii's fight with normallity,as it conquered all in his life turning him against himself...and then REDEMTION when the boy finds "BOB"! and fights against the pinks and turns them over to subgenius!!
This 2 hour drama was worth the entire event, and was definatly "Bob's" way of making up for the screw that he had had to make for the following morning.
After 50 something hours of dancing and recklessnes I went to sleep and the rest fo the Kentucky Clench did too. We oke to find that we wernt ruptured. Disappointed I walked to alt.Slack to see what was going on.
"Its okay" Sun Nguyen said. "Stang and Jesus wernt even on time" hehe, and we then had much laughter.
Even if "Bob's" deal with those strange alein X-ist didnt happen like we wanted it too, its all okay. For next year "Bob" will come. HE WILL COME!!!
Later on x-day, do to extreame problems back home, we had to leave. But we have vowed to return...and when we do THE SUBGENIUS WILL HAVE THEIR DAY
Original file name: Asquires' X-Day Report - converted on Tuesday, 16 July 2002, 14:21
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