Televangela's XDV Report

i am a tv.
i am a tv.
i am a joke.
i am smoking. who are you? it's always so hard to remember. sorry. i like to play. you people are funny. i like the space people. it was fun when susie and i laughed. i don't remember all of what happened at XDV right now. Maybe it will come to me. topper is a really nice fellow. my drive home was insane. way more sketchy than the sketchiest man on earth fiasco of last year. that little crayon blue car of mine turned into one big huffragmobile. i was so high and i didn't even know it. people, don't ever lose the cap to your aerosol cans. i, apparently, packed some workable fixative, an art supply that keeps charcoal drawings from smudging in a cardboard box and it, apparently sprayed its entire contents against the cardboard box somewhere in my back seat before i started my 9 hour drive home, alone. after about one hour i felt tired and blurry eyed, so i pulled over and took a nap and as a side thought i wondered if i should track down the chemical smell in my car but i was too tired so i rolled up the windows and leaned against my big stuffed bunny, Harvey. I woke up 6 hours later with a headache and i thought it was just after effects of the two hard blows i recieved that day, one on the right side of my head from when i tried to fly by launching myself at the huge green ball owned by the space people, the other from being tackled as payback for trying to punch Huxley in the face. i got back on the road because i am usually a very consumate long haul driver and also a very mind over matter type of strong willed fight through that shit and just do what it takes to complete a task kind of person when i want to be. i really wanted to get home. i missed my rat and i was ready to rest away my hard week of playing too rough. after about another hour i was super tired and the signs on the road were starting to smear across my vision. i figured i must just be really tired and shit so i start smacking my face and talking to myself with the window open for air. well, eventually it occured to me that the smell was probably what was causing these strange symptoms so i start to look for a place to pull over. i was very disoriented and i think i must have hit a guardrail at some point because my car is messed up somewhat, the door won't open all the way. So, yeah, i tried to concentrate and stay alive, i guess it must have worked. the road was so empty and i am so bothered by people and help and making a big deal out of things anyway so i kept driving, probably very stupid. but hey, i was fucked up as hell, i didn't quite know what to do or what was happening and it was worsening with every mile, i think i remember missing a few exits and i do remember waking up a few times after very very brief losses of consciousness. luckily the fear and the adrenalin counteracted the stupor enough, plus i had that little me inside me who is real good at thinking in survival mode and it was shouting at me pretty fucking loud to WAKE UP, YOU STUPID COOZ. So when i finally get to a convenience store in some useless little town i get shit from the lady working there for unlaoding my car's contents in her very empty parking lot. she found and confronted me in the walk in cardboard box dumpster and i just totally flipped out on her, she was this young girl with a contemptuous look on her face as i garbage picked for a new cardboard box to put the junk and empty can in. my first encounter with pinks after xday is always so freaky and demostrative of thier whole mass stupidity and scariness. usually i keep my head down and my words polite but i explained to her what was going on in a somewhat angry tone and probably a desperate, crazy look on my face. my head hurt and i was lonely and i was in real world and my drive home was going poorly and a whole buncha other crap had been building up and i kept relatively calm, but she pissed me off. i was just a late night driver with a problem and she wouldn't leave me alone. She looked a little scared of me and walked backwards into the building with her hands up in "don't shoot" mode so i knew i had done my job of making her go away efficiently and i immediately forgot her and went back to repacking the car which was so full i had to literally wedge myself into it and contend with falling boxes and trouble seeing out the back window. i am such a damn subgenius it hurts. i don't get why it's so cool. well, sometimes i do. i don't feel like finishing the story right now, i am tired and i want to go rest my neck and back, this chair, i sit in it way too much now that i am dating my computer instead of a boy. i like it this way, my mess is mine and my fuck ups are my fault. i made it home fine, i probably have brain dammage from the whole week and the toxic fumes, i had a pretty good time, i met some good people, i watched the stars, i forgot most of the bad events, i danced, i saw some beauty, i started some new trains of thought that i will chew on this year, i held kittens, that's about all that's important, the ingredients change each year but the recipe is the same, 2+2=4 = 5+5=10 but the formula is still n+n=2n, ya know, i do stuff at xday every year and the stuff is different but it's still just stuff at xday. i like it enough, sure, there are a few people who i can talk to and that's fantasic, hell yeah. well, there ya go, that's my report on xday, i missed a lot of stories but i will leave that hole to be filled in by the dick that is gossip. keep good humor.
p.s. write to me with any questions or to get some meat for the gossip pie. is me but the name seems to be Televangela or TV now. i dunno how that happened but i like it. ok, well, time for me to go and stop acting like people again. what a terrible chore. aww, look, the TV thinks it's people, honey, take a picture, it's trying to sign calenders but it can't quite do it right, that's so adorable, do you think we should help it? no, get the video camera first. do you think it's in pain? well, it's best to leave it in it's natural environment, they say. That antenna will heal eventually, let's go look at the ducks now.

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