Legume XDV Report

From: Legume <none@yerbiz.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Jul 10, 2002 9:44 AM

Well, I reckon on beginning at the beginning.

Early Wednesday morning, my old pal and travelin' buddy Pastor Pressure
rolled up in his Ford Ranger, and we loaded up the camp shit and machine
guns for that long journey Northwest to the Promised Land. Not much
eventful happened...we didn't break down, get arrested by any of the
zillion cops out on the road, and we stopped for a burger at the Sheetz
station in Ridgeway, PA, home of the best goddamned gas station hamburger
you ever chucked a lip over.

When I got to Brushwood, I immediately went to the site I camped at last
year, only to find that right next to the "reserved for Legume" sign, some
dickhead had camped. I was tempted to piss in his car and on his tent, but
then I realized it was my old pal Doc Mojo. Then I wanted to SHIT in his
tent instead.

Speaking of Doc Mojo, he said something on Day One that haunted him the
whole weekend; he said, "I'm gonna go felch a hot dog from Ed Strange".
I'm assuming he meant "filch", but you never can tell with that sick
fucker.

I don't recall much of the first few days, other than I was at almost all
times surounded by hot mostly-nekkid chicks. Thanks, especially to Pisces
and Andrea, and all the rest of you gals who kept the blood flowing to my
groin all week. And a VERY special thanks to Pisces, Andrea, and Nickie
for the time we spent making "waffles" together down at Bonobo-a-gogo.

Ah, Bonobo-a-gogo, that place where I spent so much of my time. This is
the third or fourth time this year I've been out to Brushwood to hang with
my good pal Chas at T-base, and while the times before were fatass fun,
this one was moreso, because we had a big black bondage cross and gals to
truss up to it. Chas and I made a formidable team when it came to dealing
out the pleasure/punishment to the ladies of exotic tastes, and a few times
the team expanded to include Raven Noir, Sis Decadence, the Rabbi, and the
Other Guy.

That first episode concerning the cross was insane. That poor sexy
SubGenius gal (who I shan't name), was all strapped up and brutalized, her
ass a waffle of black and blue from "the wafflemaker", with those
industrial wood clamps on her nipples, being diddled with a riding crop
handle and spanked/rubbed with ice/aloe and all the while I was playing
Evil Puppetmaster with everyone on the scene, including the few stunned and
transfixed folks who were inside when the doors got locked. The look on
the Rabbi's face when I lit a cigarette. I grinned evilly at her, then the
cigarette, then laughed as I looked over to the cross. Rabbi KNEW I was
about to start BURNING that poor gal...and then I DIDN'T. And when I
picked up that filthy blue shovel, they all thought I was joking...but I
WASN'T. I whomped her ass real nice with that thing, and when she
eventually came (for the second time) it was such an incredibly hot scene
that had it not taken place in the no-camera zone, it would have become one
of Stang's best-sellers. Of course, it could ONLY have happened in the no-
camera zone. There were folks watching who got so hot they began groping
each other. That sexy gal was shaking like a leaf when she was released
from the cross...she nearly fell. She must have been up there for nearly an
hour, and she was so TOUGH I'd bet she'd have outlasted a CIA agent up
there. A CIA agent would probably have given us a list of every 12-year-
old boy George Bush ever sodomized after only a few minutes of that shit.
At the end, mere seconds after the scene ended, Stang comes strolling into
TBase to see what's going on...way too late. Everyone turned as he walked
in, and they all burst into laughter. That was the SECOND time Stang had
strolled in AFTER something amazing had ended.

There were lots more witnesses to the second night on the cross...but I'll
save that story for "N.D." to tell herself. I will say this though...it
was GREAT.

Stang really nailed me after watching that second spanking, saying, "I was
watching you up there, Legume, and that spanking stuff wasn't even sexual
for you...you looked like a kid with a hammer who was told he could break
whatever he wanted".

And I realized he was right. At no time was I EVER sexually aroused during
those spankings...I was just making it happen, like Thor whipping up a
storm, deriving my pleasure from creating the scene, and not the torturing
of the flesh and the arousal of the women. It's a incredible feeling that
I was affecting EVERYONE on the scene, like some powerful drug, and while
some folks might compare that drug to an aphrodisiac, I'd compare it more
to Opium.

Doc Frop and Sis D, I'd loved to have spent more time with...if only our
Yeti bodies weren't cursed by the need for rest and ravaged by the
consumption of Tequila...but sometimes a body needs to drink and spank.
I'm glad for the time we DID have, and I'm glad Sis D joined me on the T-
Base stage for that second spanking.

I of course also got to visit Revs.Jim and John, and got to sample their
most excellent deep-fried turkey, and I donated a ten-pound pork loin to
the fryer for the following night, which was also most excellent. Thanks
guys! There was certainly no shortage of good food to be had there. My
campmate Pastor Pressure made these fresh cinnamon rolls one morning,
homemade donuts another. I myself spent an hour or two roasting cognac-
soaked shrimp over the T-Base fire for the folks there, at one point saving
the hard-working and food-deprived Stang from either total collapse or
extreme grumpiness.

The Pool and HotTub were almost always perfect, except for the one time a
pack of SubGenii drove me out of it by singing show tunes from "Man of La
Mancha"...consider yourselves lucky I wasn't packing a TOASTER or you'd all
be BOULLION. High points were when I was masturbating Pisces and Andrea
with the cold water hose (yeah the one you DRANK FROM), and when I turned
to my right to find the most beautiful spread-out bald pussy inches from my
face...only the fact that I'm married to the beautiful Goddess Susi kept me
from burrowing my face deep within. Truly, I am a man of STONE, for
despite all the lewd offers ("I'll suck it if you rub me, Legume") and
temptations (Lord, the temptations!), at no point was my cock in contact
with another Yeti. But Jeemo Christmas, what I hurtin' I put on poor
Goddess Susi when I got home. She practically DROWNED.

The naked Bobtism. Last year I didn't do it. I was on vacation from my JOB,
so I felt "unclean". How could i rightly wash away YOUR sin when I was
soaked in it myself? This year though, I am blessedly unemployed (yet
still paid for toiling mere minutes per week), so I was able to cut loose
and Bobtize y'all right. Damn shame, though that it was such a sausage
soup...there were only a few Connieites in the pool. Note to the Lord:
next year, don't schedule the calendar signing for right after the
Bobtism...too many gals are using that hour to gussy up. Also, no more
frogwatchers and cameras...if you ain't participatin', you ain't watching.
Bobtisms are for the Bobtised, by Dobbs, and I don't want some poor gal to
have to be self-conscious about someone gawking at any nooks and crannys
that might need a more thorough Bobtisin'.

Saturday Night...ESO...I can't even begin to describe how cool it was to be
Einstein's Seventh Outlaw. I've been playing that same worn-out old Blues
Harp for nearly 20 years, and I never played onstage, or even with
accompaniment. To break my stage cherry with the Secret Outlaws was more
than I could have ever hoped for. My voice is still mostly shot-out from
the Peter Gunn/Drill Instructer bit, but it sure was worth it. Chazzman,
any time you need a harp blower/bartender, you know I'm there.

As official Barkeep at Bonobo-a-gogo, I'd like to thank those of you who
donated to the tip jar and the booze cache; you kept the Margaritas flowing
all weekend, and there's NOBODY who partied at T-base who can say they
didn't have a great time. Except poor old Lonesome Chas, who is FINALLY
SINGLE, and yet not one gal tried to jump his studly rocker bones. SHAME
ON YOU GALS for missing out on the opportunity. Chas is THE catch, a
brilliant and amazing man, and for the life of me I can't figure out why
gals flock to my redneck ass and not to a Renaissance Man like him.

Lastly, NEXT YEAR you might see something new at Brushwood. Foul, hairy
beasts, stumpy little critters, stealing your food and beer and trying to
ear-fuck you in your sleep. These are the MONANS, a race spawned this very
year when two of the XDay attendees ("Private Failure" and "The Graveyard
of Dick"), decided to Break The Seal On The Book With The Seal That Should
Never Be Broken, and the consummation of their perverted Pink lust
unleashed the race of MoNans upon the land.

If you see one of these, KILL IT AND BURN IT, FOR DOBB'S SAKE!

Legume
--
"Civilization will not attain to its perfection until the last stone from
the last church falls on the last priest" - - - Emile Zola

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <Xns924764F202ECFCortezLegume18465086@128.242.171.114>,
Legume <none@yerbiz.com> wrote:

> each other. That sexy gal was shaking like a leaf when she was released
> from the cross...she nearly fell. She must have been up there for nearly an
> hour, and she was so TOUGH I'd bet she'd have outlasted a CIA agent up
> there. A CIA agent would probably have given us a list of every 12-year-
> old boy George Bush ever sodomized after only a few minutes of that shit.
> At the end, mere seconds after the scene ended, Stang comes strolling into
> TBase to see what's going on...way too late. Everyone turned as he walked
> in, and they all burst into laughter. That was the SECOND time Stang had
> strolled in AFTER something amazing had ended.

Ya'll WERE laughing at me PRETTY DAMNED HARD.

I was probably sitting around at the cafe, eating sloppy joes and
talking "Bob" stuff. God, what a dork.

>
> Stang really nailed me after watching that second spanking, saying, "I was
> watching you up there, Legume, and that spanking stuff wasn't even sexual
> for you...you looked like a kid with a hammer who was told he could break
> whatever he wanted".
>
> And I realized he was right. At no time was I EVER sexually aroused during
> those spankings...I was just making it happen, like Thor whipping up a
> storm, deriving my pleasure from creating the scene, and not the torturing
> of the flesh and the arousal of the women. It's a incredible feeling that
> I was affecting EVERYONE on the scene, like some powerful drug, and while
> some folks might compare that drug to an aphrodisiac, I'd compare it more
> to Opium.

Transferal of Pain to those who WANT it, leaving the Pain Source all
snuggly warm feeling for doing a GOOD DEED.

> I of course also got to visit Revs.Jim and John, and got to sample their
> most excellent deep-fried turkey, and I donated a ten-pound pork loin to
> the fryer for the following night, which was also most excellent. Thanks
> guys! There was certainly no shortage of good food to be had there. My
> campmate Pastor Pressure made these fresh cinnamon rolls one morning,
> homemade donuts another.

Those god damned donuts were the FINEST. I devoured at least 9 right
there at his camp. I ate half the turkey and a fair amount of the pork.
I had 5 sloppy joes or burders a day as well from the cafe and 210 cups
of coffee. But the donuts were the best of all.

> I myself spent an hour or two roasting cognac-
> soaked shrimp over the T-Base fire for the folks there, at one point saving
> the hard-working and food-deprived Stang from either total collapse or
> extreme grumpiness.

I can handle BOTH... in my SLEEP!

>
> The naked Bobtism. Last year I didn't do it. I was on vacation from my JOB,
> so I felt "unclean". How could i rightly wash away YOUR sin when I was
> soaked in it myself? This year though, I am blessedly unemployed (yet
> still paid for toiling mere minutes per week), so I was able to cut loose
> and Bobtize y'all right. Damn shame, though that it was such a sausage
> soup...there were only a few Connieites in the pool. Note to the Lord:
> next year, don't schedule the calendar signing for right after the
> Bobtism...too many gals are using that hour to gussy up. Also, no more
> frogwatchers and cameras...if you ain't participatin', you ain't watching.
> Bobtisms are for the Bobtised, by Dobbs, and I don't want some poor gal to
> have to be self-conscious about someone gawking at any nooks and crannys
> that might need a more thorough Bobtisin'.

Yeah, it was "Members Only" in the BAD way.

See St. Mykal's photos of the hot naked Bobtism on alt.binaries.slack
NOW... because YOU ALL ARE NEVER GOING TO SEE A SIGHT LIKE THAT AGAIN
AT AN X-DAY DRILL.

We should have listened to Legume's Spock-like logic starting in '99.

On the other hand, if we ban the cameras, I'm afraid my wife will show
her titties, and then my bird-dogging will never end... it'll be like a
planet of Chris Lees.

> Saturday Night...ESO...I can't even begin to describe how cool it was to be
> Einstein's Seventh Outlaw. I've been playing that same worn-out old Blues
> Harp for nearly 20 years, and I never played onstage, or even with
> accompaniment. To break my stage cherry with the Secret Outlaws was more
> than I could have ever hoped for. My voice is still mostly shot-out from
> the Peter Gunn/Drill Instructer bit, but it sure was worth it. Chazzman,
> any time you need a harp blower/bartender, you know I'm there.

I just about shat all my bowels out when I saw that.

> As official Barkeep at Bonobo-a-gogo, I'd like to thank those of you who
> donated to the tip jar and the booze cache; you kept the Margaritas flowing
> all weekend, and there's NOBODY who partied at T-base who can say they
> didn't have a great time. Except poor old Lonesome Chas, who is FINALLY
> SINGLE, and yet not one gal tried to jump his studly rocker bones. SHAME
> ON YOU GALS for missing out on the opportunity. Chas is THE catch, a
> brilliant and amazing man, and for the life of me I can't figure out why
> gals flock to my redneck ass and not to a Renaissance Man like him.

I saw him sleeping in his Tarzan treehouse with the second purtiest
girl in the whole campground, but they were just SLEEPING.

?!?!?

Actually I think he DID get what the rest of us would call "some," it's
just that he's a rock star and expects a whole lot more, so we just
heard his spoiled griping.

I am REALLY sorry I missed the Razzing of Mojo.

> Lastly, NEXT YEAR you might see something new at Brushwood. Foul, hairy
> beasts, stumpy little critters, stealing your food and beer and trying to
> ear-fuck you in your sleep. These are the MONANS, a race spawned this very
> year when two of the XDay attendees ("Private Failure" and "The Graveyard
> of Dick"), decided to Break The Seal On The Book With The Seal That Should
> Never Be Broken, and the consummation of their perverted Pink lust
> unleashed the race of MoNans upon the land.
>
> If you see one of these, KILL IT AND BURN IT, FOR DOBB'S SAKE!

I'll have to tell you by phone some more utterly hilarious shit that I
heard indirectly from the far-OTHER end of that scene via my Starwood
organizational infiltration. AHAHAHAHAHA!! It's actually FUNNIER than
"that one poem."

Mavrides was right... the Church of the SubGenius IS like "the High
School from Hell." Everybody is a Human Cartoon of themselves and they
correspond in the most twisted ways to certain archetypes of the
stereotypical Mediacretin Normal High School.

Ya'll don't know Palmer Vreedeez, but I sure would like to get him out
to one of these, just to see how much him desperately try to HATE it,
but fail to.

It IS truly a "Spazz Church," and Dobbs bless it for that.

Thanks for your touching and tender report. I clipped out the part
where you vulgarly discuss your sex life with that wonderful sweet girl
that you hypnotized into marrying you.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI)

Legume <none@yerbiz.com> wrote in message news:<Xns924764F202ECFCortezLegume18465086@128.242.171.114>...

> The naked Bobtism. Last year I didn't do it. I was on vacation from my JOB,
> so I felt "unclean". How could i rightly wash away YOUR sin when I was
> soaked in it myself? This year though, I am blessedly unemployed (yet
> still paid for toiling mere minutes per week), so I was able to cut loose
> and Bobtize y'all right. Damn shame, though that it was such a sausage
> soup...there were only a few Connieites in the pool. Note to the Lord:
> next year, don't schedule the calendar signing for right after the
> Bobtism...too many gals are using that hour to gussy up. Also, no more
> frogwatchers and cameras...if you ain't participatin', you ain't watching.
> Bobtisms are for the Bobtised, by Dobbs, and I don't want some poor gal to
> have to be self-conscious about someone gawking at any nooks and crannys
> that might need a more thorough Bobtisin'.

Perhaps I'm playing devil's advocate here. I understand where you're
coming from with the cameras, but I bet it's a bit more than that.

Without cameras, you'll definitely get a couple more stragglers, but
not many more. How I see it, what you want is non-exhibitionists, and
being whirled or otherwise displayed naked in front of a pool full of
naked men is exhibitionist behavior no matter how you slice it.

If you're concerned that some gal might be self-conscious, then why
not just make the Bobtism a bathing suit affair? And instead of
lifting them out of the water or Bobtising them backward so their
boobies are exposed on the surface, how about just laying a hand on
their head and quickly submerging them once?

Not all women are up for the kind of stuff that goes on at T-base,
cameras or no. You'll get a pool-full if the event is more tastefully
done. There's plenty of other nudity to be had over the course of the
week, a 30-45 minute departure won't hurt anybody. Not even you,
Legume. :)

But otherwise, entertaining report!
-APLY

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Legume <none@yerbiz.com>

Anti Pope Lupus of SI wrote:

> Perhaps I'm playing devil's advocate here.

I don't recall hiring an advocate.

> Without cameras, you'll definitely get a couple more stragglers, but
> not many more. How I see it, what you want is non-exhibitionists, and
> being whirled or otherwise displayed naked in front of a pool full of
> naked men is exhibitionist behavior no matter how you slice it.

Exhibitionism isn't a line drawn on concrete. There are LEVELS of
exhibitionism, and those levels are dependent on the level of risk.
Further, the Bobtism Ritual isn't about exhibitionism...it's more about
Bobtism, and being part of something together, a tribal ritual, as it were.
It's for the people participating, not the people watching. If it draws in
a few stragglers who participate at the expense of many who watch, that's a
fair trade. The Bobtism is NOT a show, it's not designed for an audience,
it's FELLOWSHIP, son. I understand that someone might want to watch, but
if they REALLY want to watch, they can damn well come on down to the river
with the rest of us and actually DO as well as SEE.
>
> If you're concerned that some gal might be self-conscious, then why
> not just make the Bobtism a bathing suit affair? And instead of
> lifting them out of the water or Bobtising them backward so their
> boobies are exposed on the surface, how about just laying a hand on
> their head and quickly submerging them once?
> Not all women are up for the kind of stuff that goes on at T-base,
> cameras or no.

The kind of stuff that went on at T-Base was in NO WAY comparable to the
Bobtism. The Bobtism was NEVER in any way lurid or sexual in nature...it
was always done the same way, and there's no way I'm going to even SUGGEST
that people be forced to wear a bathing suit in the Bobdismal Pool. Jeez,
Lupus, that's so LAME an idea as to be worthy of a Christian!

>You'll get a pool-full if the event is more tastefully
> done.

[SNURK!] Dude, I was surrounded by naked women all weekend. I think I know
what I'm talking about here. Besides, I'd sure like to hear what part of
the Bobtism was "distasteful", or in any way lacking in FUN by those in
attendance. How could it be distateful when CHRIST HIMSELF is performing
it?

I think a BIG part of the lack of gals is BAD PLANNING. Scheduling an event
where women are supposed to be dressed to the nines an hour after the start
of an event where people get all wet and so do elaborate hairdos is plain
old bad planning. Next year me and the Lord will have to remember that.

> There's plenty of other nudity to be had over the course of the
> week, a 30-45 minute departure won't hurt anybody. Not even you,
> Legume. :)

Blasphemer.
>
> But otherwise, entertaining report!

Thanks.

Legume
--
"Civilization will not attain to its perfection until the last stone from
the last church falls on the last priest" - - - Emile Zola

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI)

Legume <none@yerbiz.com> wrote in message news:<Xns9247A706281DECortezLegume18465086@128.242.171.114

> The kind of stuff that went on at T-Base was in NO WAY comparable to the
> Bobtism. The Bobtism was NEVER in any way lurid or sexual in nature...it
> was always done the same way, and there's no way I'm going to even SUGGEST
> that people be forced to wear a bathing suit in the Bobdismal Pool. Jeez,
> Lupus, that's so LAME an idea as to be worthy of a Christian!
>

K, my bad.

-APLY

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <231b626.0207101146.23785be6@posting.google.com>, Anti Pope
Lupus of SI <lyonderboy666@hotmail.com> wrote:

>
> Without cameras, you'll definitely get a couple more stragglers, but
> not many more. How I see it, what you want is non-exhibitionists, and
> being whirled or otherwise displayed naked in front of a pool full of
> naked men is exhibitionist behavior no matter how you slice it.

The way I slice it, it is NOT exhibitionist behavior in this particular
context. At Water World, with gramma and the kids watching, SURE. You
have a FILTHY mind. I think you've been reading too much "Everything
You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask."

>
> If you're concerned that some gal might be self-conscious, then why
> not just make the Bobtism a bathing suit affair?

It may have been hard to tell through a viewfinder, but actually a lot
of the people in the pool DO have bathing suits on and at no point did
we ever say anything one way or another about nudity vs. bathing suits.

> And instead of
> lifting them out of the water or Bobtising them backward so their
> boobies are exposed on the surface, how about just laying a hand on
> their head and quickly submerging them once?

Maybe we should WHISPER too. Maybe we should just stop all the rough
housing. And the cursing... there's too much cursing. I saw people
smoking cigarets at the cafe. That must STOP.

>
> Not all women are up for the kind of stuff that goes on at T-base,
> cameras or no. You'll get a pool-full if the event is more tastefully
> done.

HE USED THE "T" WORD!!!

> There's plenty of other nudity to be had over the course of the
> week, a 30-45 minute departure won't hurt anybody. Not even you,
> Legume. :)
>
> But otherwise, entertaining report!
> -APLY

I don't expect that Dr. Legume is especially concerned about what grade
you give him on his report.

I say, MORE ANAL SEX ON STAGE WITH OPTICAL FIBER BUTT-CAMS HOOKED UP TO
THE INTERNET!!

Indeed, I have been IRCing with Pope Black and Rev. Slitta re: the
Euro-X-Day and they say it "WENT TOO FAR," quote unquote... there
apparently was live HOMO ANAL FISTING by lads of some stripe at the
London devival. ON STAGE. WITH the cameras.

Their actual X-Day took place at a Stonehenge like monument where Papa
Joe reportedly Launched a Bleeding Head, though of which golfer I do
not know.

And they had MORE PEOPLE -- 200 to 250 -- at that London devival than
we had at X-DAY!!

Following your logic, the Bobtisms aren't wild ENOUGH, and the only way
to UP our NUMBERS is to follow the Europeans' lead and INSURE MORE OPEN
HOMOSEXUAL MALE ANAL BUTTSEX ON STAGE AT ALL DEVIVALS!

Now, you may say that's not TASTEFUL, and *I* certainly don't want to
witness such activities, but we're interested in THE BOTTOM LINE. And
if the people want fisting, well, this is a PEOPLES' CHURCH and we want
to give the common folks what they want. A GOOD FISTING right out where
everybody can see it. Flashbulbs a-poppin' and police sirens
a-screamin'.

Now THAT would make for some GOOD HOME MOVIES!

You kids get to work on your fisting -- see you onstage at 6X-Day...
you'll all be big stars. But you better practice a lot. On each other.
Make sure you take the lens caps off.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI)

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message news:<100720021703346017%stang@subgenius.com>...

> It may have been hard to tell through a viewfinder, but actually a lot
> of the people in the pool DO have bathing suits on and at no point did
> we ever say anything one way or another about nudity vs. bathing suits.

I only took a few minutes of the Bobtism: enough for a quick cut-away
for the xday show. I only did any taping at all because there seemed,
at the time, to be a momentary interest in a SubG show. Was I wrong
about this?

As for the event, I recorded no out-of-pool nudity at all. Most of
what I did was unintrusive interviews, and only when it was convenient
for said SubGenius. If you remember, I prepared an interview for you,
which you said was okay, but when I saw you get busy with other stuff
I left you alone. Figured you'd get to me when you had the time, and
when you didn't, I took the hint. Which was fine, no hard feelings at
all, just went on to do other things. :)

I wasn't defending the camera thing. This wasn't my point.

> Maybe we should WHISPER too. Maybe we should just stop all the rough
> housing. And the cursing... there's too much cursing. I saw people
> smoking cigarets at the cafe. That must STOP.

This wasn't my point, either.

Look, I know this post was meant to be funny. And I know saying this
paints a bulls-eye on my forehead. But I seriously wish everyone
could just be cool with each other like they are down at xday. Once
back in alt.slack, everything gets so weirdly confrontational. We're
all cool people. Let's conserve our flames for the trolls. Now that
I've met many of you, these bitch fights seem so wrong.

K... k... k... kant we all just get along?

> I say, MORE ANAL SEX ON STAGE WITH OPTICAL FIBER BUTT-CAMS HOOKED UP TO
> THE INTERNET!!

Now, THAT'S more like it!

:) -APLY

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: iDRMRSR <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

> I say, MORE ANAL SEX ON STAGE WITH OPTICAL FIBER
> BUTT-CAMS HOOKED UP TO
> THE INTERNET!!

Yes, I can only hope that by 2003, some surviving telecom company will
deem it appropriate to install Bluetooth wireless networking hotspots in
and around the Sherman, NY area. If such service becomes available, I
will plan on bringing a laptop and wireless network card so that it will
be possible to send live pictures from X day in real time.

We may not be riding personal rockets to our workplaces, but this would
be a great advancement in technology all by itself! Jetsons look out!

[*]
-----

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Two Beans" <twobeans@godhatesyou.com>

"Anti Pope Lupus of SI" <lyonderboy666@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:231b626.0207101927.5c609eb1@posting.google.com...

>
> K... k... k... kant we all just get along?
>

We ran out of love during Brushwood. Luckly, we have plenty of kick-ass hate
in this church that'll keep us goung till next X-Day.

-2B

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI) hunched over a
computer, typing feverishly;
thunder crashed, lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI)
laughed madly, then wrote:

>
>Perhaps I'm playing devil's advocate here. I understand where you're
>coming from with the cameras, but I bet it's a bit more than that.
>
>Without cameras, you'll definitely get a couple more stragglers, but
>not many more. How I see it, what you want is non-exhibitionists, and
>being whirled or otherwise displayed naked in front of a pool full of
>naked men is exhibitionist behavior no matter how you slice it.
>
>If you're concerned that some gal might be self-conscious, then why
>not just make the Bobtism a bathing suit affair? And instead of
>lifting them out of the water or Bobtising them backward so their
>boobies are exposed on the surface, how about just laying a hand on
>their head and quickly submerging them once?
>
>Not all women are up for the kind of stuff that goes on at T-base,
>cameras or no. You'll get a pool-full if the event is more tastefully
>done. There's plenty of other nudity to be had over the course of the
>week, a 30-45 minute departure won't hurt anybody. Not even you,
>Legume. :)
>

Would you be more likely or less likely to strip naked and get whapped
with a shovel if there were cameras there?

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

I have sold more books about physics than Madonna has about sex.
- Stephen Hawking

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

In article <3d2ca43a.1192662@news.cis.dfn.de>, Joe Cosby
<joecosby@mindspring.com> wrote:

> Would you be more likely or less likely to strip naked and get whapped
> with a shovel if there were cameras there?

I honestly think that, if I ever get whapped with a shovel, it'll be
upside the head, to stop me from hurting someone else REAL BAD. And
I'll hurt you REAL BAD if you try to whap me otherwise.

Just saying. Nothing personal, you understand.

Her Ladyship Lilith

--
--=8=-- \m/ --=8=-- http://lilith.foolspress.com/ --=8=-- \m/ --=8=--
You'll say that the 50's isn't the present, but we'll have to differ on
that. -- RLan538885 in 20020617153210.12229.00001550@mb-fe.aol.com

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com> hunched over
a computer, typing feverishly;
thunder crashed, Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench
<lilith@ZubJenius.com> laughed madly, then wrote:

>In article <3d2ca43a.1192662@news.cis.dfn.de>, Joe Cosby
><joecosby@mindspring.com> wrote:
>
>> Would you be more likely or less likely to strip naked and get whapped
>> with a shovel if there were cameras there?
>
>I honestly think that, if I ever get whapped with a shovel, it'll be
>upside the head, to stop me from hurting someone else REAL BAD. And
>I'll hurt you REAL BAD if you try to whap me otherwise.
>
>Just saying. Nothing personal, you understand.
>

Well we definitely need pictures of THAT.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

Synthesizers don't make trouble; people humping them like crazed WEASELS
make the trouble.

HellPope Huey,

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Legume XDV Report
From: swamp <swampradio69@yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Jul 10, 2002 7:12 PM
Message-ID: <Xns9247C424B7682g65ff56ffg@207.217.77.25>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in
news:100720021215004612%stang@subgenius.com:

> Actually I think he DID get what the rest of us would call "some,"
> it's just that he's a rock star and expects a whole lot more, so we
> just heard his spoiled griping.

Awww... c'mon... I LIKE whining .

Nope, (except for what happened on stage)... none. ;( Poor poor pussycat.

Heh heh... I am spoiled though. That's true... and I know just what you
mean by that.

Allow me to have some fun with it tho' anyway...

I mean... I guess I coulda' got a little on me tho'... actually I
CERTAINLY coulda' if I wanted to step into that quagmire of bonobo
depravity that was bubbling over behind the T-Base hutch on Friday
night... It was like some perverted XXX rated out-take from the Island of
Dr Moreau. They had transmorphed completely from the human branch of the
tree of life and opened the dark doors into true Bonobohood. But it was
so amazingly provacative... NOT to my 'nads and sexual desire... but to
my years in anthropolgy courses in college. I wanted to STUDY IT!!!

...or I COULDA stumbled off with the sea hag that's "followed" my radio
and subG career over many years hoping for a swing on the monkey vine.
Hell... I came back to my camp after we did that late night hottub thing
and found her performing oral sex on a shall-remain-nameless-pagan... IN
MY OWN BED. That's why I slept in my van Sat night.

So... I guess I COULDA'
But that ain't the Chazmatazz style, mad-daddios. That just ain't the
style.

The BEST shows I play all year... the MOST energetic... MOST dancers
dancin' their asses off... the MOST kick ass fun to actually be on
stage... IS... BY FAR... the big ESO X-Day shows... and one day I know
I'll be thumpin' my thud staff and pumpin' yo' asses so full of heavy
rock'n roll that your ass starts shitting diamonds... and some hot lil
thing that looks like she knows the diff between a pop and a rock will
strut up and take me to never never land.

DAMN... It happened for LONESOME COWBOY DAVE!!!

L-O-N-E-S-O-M-E -C-O-W-B-O-Y- D-A-V-E ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: md_archangel@hotmail.com (mykal d'archangel)

On 10 Jul 2002 08:44:41 -0500, Legume <none@yerbiz.com> wrote:

>Lastly, NEXT YEAR you might see something new at Brushwood. Foul, hairy
>beasts, stumpy little critters, stealing your food and beer and trying to
>ear-fuck you in your sleep.

Damnit - NOT AGAIN!
-------------------
New Quijibo Out NOW!
#23 and The Other #23
http://www.quijibocartel.com

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Two Beans" <twobeans@godhatesyou.com>

"Legume" <none@yerbiz.com> wrote in message
news:Xns924764F202ECFCortezLegume18465086@128.242.171.114...
>
> Lastly, NEXT YEAR you might see something new at Brushwood. Foul, hairy
> beasts, stumpy little critters, stealing your food and beer and trying to
> ear-fuck you in your sleep. These are the MONANS, a race spawned this very
> year when two of the XDay attendees ("Private Failure" and "The Graveyard
> of Dick"), decided to Break The Seal On The Book With The Seal That Should
> Never Be Broken, and the consummation of their perverted Pink lust
> unleashed the race of MoNans upon the land.
>
> If you see one of these, KILL IT AND BURN IT, FOR DOBB'S SAKE!
>

Those must be the "goblins" that the Duke of Firestone Castle told Stang and
I about.

-2B

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <Xns9247C424B7682g65ff56ffg@207.217.77.25>, swamp
<swampradio69@yahoo.com> wrote:

>
> ...or I COULDA stumbled off with the sea hag that's "followed" my radio
> and subG career over many years hoping for a swing on the monkey vine.
> Hell... I came back to my camp after we did that late night hottub thing
> and found her performing oral sex on a shall-remain-nameless-pagan... IN
> MY OWN BED. That's why I slept in my van Sat night.

You told me about that, man. I cannot believe that El Gordo would lower
himself so far as to accept oral gratification from Princess Party
Girl. ON YOUR COT!!

>
> So... I guess I COULDA'
> But that ain't the Chazmatazz style, mad-daddios. That just ain't the
> style.
>
> The BEST shows I play all year... the MOST energetic... MOST dancers
> dancin' their asses off... the MOST kick ass fun to actually be on
> stage... IS... BY FAR... the big ESO X-Day shows... and one day I know
> I'll be thumpin' my thud staff and pumpin' yo' asses so full of heavy
> rock'n roll that your ass starts shitting diamonds... and some hot lil
> thing that looks like she knows the diff between a pop and a rock will
> strut up and take me to never never land.
>
> DAMN... It happened for LONESOME COWBOY DAVE!!!
>
> L-O-N-E-S-O-M-E -C-O-W-B-O-Y- D-A-V-E ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

It even happened for EL GORDO!! And Princess Party Girl!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <231b626.0207101927.5c609eb1@posting.google.com>, Anti Pope
Lupus of SI <lyonderboy666@hotmail.com> wrote:

>
> I only took a few minutes of the Bobtism: enough for a quick cut-away
> for the xday show. I only did any taping at all because there seemed,
> at the time, to be a momentary interest in a SubG show. Was I wrong
> about this?

It's a combination of long-time interest and well-earned skepticism.
Only time will tell. Here's some TIME: You said you shot 2.5 hours. I
shot and recorded a combined 22 hours of material to work with. Some of
it while performing and all of it while "on staff." I have already
edited and posted Wei's photos of 5X-Day (some of those photos
accidentally posted to THIS ALL TEXT NEWSGROUP! for OVERKILL!) and 2 or
3 text reports. By tonight I will be playing audio from the bands on
the radio. I had in the sales booth, for sale, the two hour video of
1998 X-Day, the 4 hour 2-set video from XX-Day, the 4-CD audio set from
XXX-Day, and the 6-hours-of-mp3 sound from 4X-Day. I have yet to see a
single edited X-Day video program from anyone else, period, ever,
outside of The Bolex Brothers in England, that horrible thing done by
the "pro" crew at '98, and Codini's animated title sequence from '98,
yet every time I ask student types for a sample of their previous work,
they act like I'm some kind of facist, and that's the last I hear from
them. Sorry, but I have earned my skepticism about the grand schemes of
amateur video auteurs (and Conspiracy "pros") the easy way. By waiting.

BREAK THE CYCLE, LUPUS!! RUIN MY SKEPTICISM FOR GOOD!

I am currently clearing my big drive of the last SubGenius video that I
edited, Dobbsfilm Shorties, so that I can get cracking on these new
home movies. When I get it down to a couple of hours I will probably
send a mini-DV copy of that to Sinphaltimus, who seems to be a
practical minded sort of fellow, for a suicidally reckless maniac, and
you guys can do what you want from there.

>
> > I say, MORE ANAL SEX ON STAGE WITH OPTICAL FIBER BUTT-CAMS HOOKED UP TO
> > THE INTERNET!!
>
> Now, THAT'S more like it!
>

Show us something besides WORDS! QUICK! MOVE FAST! There's an asteroid
with your name on it headed straight for Earth! You only have 5 weeks
to live! The Con is about to round everybody up and put them in camps,
and I don't mean theme campsites! Start editing NOW! Post your frame
grabs and keen little audio clips to a.b.s.! You're not gonna live
forever! Finish your book! The weekly radio shows! Get that Stark Fist
out! asdghj'
fgjvbn

If you think *I* sound kind of harsh, wait'll you have to deal with
actual BOSSES in the MEDIA BIZ. Wait'll you're being PAID! THEN you'll
understand the TRUE ANTISLACK whence cometh my pre-grump regarding big
video plans from callow youth.

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Original file name: LegumeXDVReport.txt - converted on Tuesday, 16 July 2002, 14:21