Non X-Day Report -- Modemac

From: Modemac <>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Jul 7, 2002 7:49 PM

The Conspiracy certainly figured out how to strike at the heart of the
Church of the SubGenius this year -- in our wallets! Like a number of
stalwart Yeti, I wasn't able to make the trip to Brushwood, and I've
spent the past month grumbling and trying to find a way to make it.
To no avail, at 6:59 AM on July 5th, I was standing on my
porch looking up at the sky, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Xists
so that I could *finally* party hearty with my fellow alt.slack.fux...

But like every year, the sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in
the sky. Or an Escape Vessel, either. (It's strange how *every* July
5th has been bright and sunny. We may not have been Ruptured, but we
haven't been rained out either.)

The closest I was able to come to Brushwood was last week, when I had
to take a week off from work to help my father-in-law move down to
Pennsylvania. We spent a couple of days hauling a truck full of
furniture and stuff down to the rural area outside of Harrisburg, on
the other side of Amish country from Erie and Brushwood. And the
entire time I was down there, all I could think was "My god, those
Jeff Foxworthy redneck jokes are *all* true!" The town in question
was a hick spot on the map with a population of 900, one volunteer
fire truck, no police (the cops comes from the state police barracks
in the next town over), and one single main street lined with truck
stops and an ice cream stand called "Twin Kiss," with a sign with
picture of a brother and sister kissing. When we asked a guy on the
street to show us the center of town, he drove us three blocks, pulled
over, and smiled a smile that showed us how many teeth he was missing.
I had the banjo dueling theme from "Deliverance" going through my head
the entire time I was down there. (But at least my father-in-law's
house is decent and inexpensive.)

First Online Church of "Bob"


From: (Friday Jones)

No WONDER I couldn't find you and your buxom bride!


Mosura, ya, Mosura,
dongan kasakuyan in doo mu
rustoritoradoa hanba hanbamuyan
radabanuradan tonjyu kanraa
kasaku yaanmu


From: "Rev.Geo" <>

"Friday Jones" <> wrote in message
> No WONDER I couldn't find you and your buxom bride!

Sonovabiscuit!! Damn Friday, I was there all weekend, and I never got to say

Oh well,

Feelin' down,


From: (Friday Jones)

In article <CtqW8.245$>, "Rev.Geo"
<> wrote:

>Sonovabiscuit!! Damn Friday, I was there all weekend, and I never got to say

Sorry Geo; remember though, we'll all have FOREVER to chat on the Saucers!
And if we get sick of people's bickering and jabbering and all, we can
throw them out into space and watch them suffocate and explode and freeze,
and then bring them back in and resurrect them, and then laugh and laugh
and laugh.

Helle, I might do that just for FUN! And to find out how far my eyes
squirt when they explode. Hmm, have to bring an external sensor/recorder
outside with me ...


Deng Xiaoping be thy name
United Kingdom gone
thy will be done in Hong Kong
as it is in China
Give us this day our daily bet
and forgive us our speculations
as we forgive those that speculate against us,
And lead us not into communism
but deliver us from gweilows,
For thine is the sovereignty,
and the power and the authority
Forever and ever
Chow Mein
- Anthony Wong Chau-Sang (song lyrics)

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