XDAY 5 teaser report -- Sinphaltimus

From: "Reverend Sinphaltimus Exmortus" <RevSExmortus@nyc.rr.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Jul 9, 2002 12:21 PM

Short cause I am still in pain and may go for x-rays but I filmed a lot
, funny shit including our date with Doc Frop (we won him in
the flesh auction), The Jesus assassination attempt with that black staff
you found at our campsite, etc.... I ended up with 3hrs of footage.

It will take me a long time to fully type up my X-Day 5 report but here are
some Highlights...
The night of a thousand fears - Dr. Lon, Rev. Justin Case and myself being
stalked by aluminum Nazi hell creatures from the hollow earth.
The successful assasination of Mary Magdalen, I could take the rumors
anymore so we chopped her up and spread her body parts around the camp
(people thought they were Barbie doll parts) then I sent a robot replacement
out of alt.slack woods. SO LET THEE BE NO MISTAKE NOW! Mary is a robot.
We lost Doc Frop in Alt.Slack woods, he may still be wondering, the real
D.F. will live in alt.slack woods forever. We threw together a quick stick
figure made of branches and leaves, using a sophisticated rope and pulley
system for his replacement. I hope Sis D likes her new Hubby, we modeled him
after the Beefcake Picture.
The failed assassination attempt of Jesus.
The loss and recovery of my super power of flatulence.
There is so much more. I don't have time now but will soon. It'll take me a
long time to type it, then I have video to edit. I don't want to rag on

Anywaze, I think everyone at XDV now knows Reverend Sinphaltimus Exmortus,
Reverend Lord Sloth, Reverend Samhain Greystar, and Reverend Gonzo (BIG
BRIGHT YELLOW TAXI PICKUP SERVICE). If they didn't see me, they heard me, if
they didn't love me, they feared me.

Before I continue I want to add this simple fact.


For reasons I can't discuss yet, know this, the original, one and only,
owned by Jesus Christ himself, SEVEN BLADED WIND BREAKER (which broke my
wind) is in the possession of The First Ever Digital Church Of Mind Slack

It is safe, I will return it in perfect condition on X-Day 6, but not before
I do some experiments on it and of course seal it in a clear plexi-glass
case to ensure it will never again be used to break my wind. I will then
either return it to Rev. Ef (poor guy wanted to sell it, as if I could let
that happen before regaining my flatulence), Jesus, or Stang on X-Day 6 once
I know my ass is safe.

The funniest part about it was the very last day of slack, gather in Tranq.
Base and saying good-byes, I had the 7BWB in my ass the whole time. It even
fell out of my shorts at one point but no one noticed. All the hugs good-bye
and the consistent re-adjustment of the damned thing and NO ONE FELT IT or
discovered my secret. See I got to T.B. thinking Doc. Frop was setting us up
for an ambush so I brought the 7BWB with me, concealed in the seat of my
short for protection, I knew that If indeed we were walking into a trap, At
least I would be safe because I possessed the most powerful of church
artifacts mentioned in both "The Book of the Subgenius" and "Revelation X".

It wasn't until we made our great escape that I finally ripped it from my
buttocks, Samhain shined a light on it and we Mocked, and flaunted it in
front of the eyes of all the ancient ones in the church, the elder gods if
you will. I saw the look on their faces, I knew they were confused. I
personally don't think that Stang believes I could have acquired such an
artifact but I did. The very last words I heard from the group was a
familiar one. It was the voice of Doc. Frop as he said just loud enough for
me to hear him "We're gonna kill you S.Exmortus."

Well Doc Frop, your gonna have to win me at the XD6 Flesh Auction if ya
wanna kill me.

Damn look, I'm typing too much, I'm gonna have to cut and paste this into my
official report later. OK, By now!.


Sincerely yours, forever Bob's,

The Reverend Sinphaltimus Exmortus
of the
First Ever Digital Church of Mind Slack
A Totally Independent Clench of
The Church of the SubGenius
PO BOX 204206
AUSTIN, TX 78720-4206
Send $1 and S.A.S.E. for more info
or visit
or email
or die pink
or kill me
"Exterminate all rational thought" W.S.B.

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