Asquire's X-Day 9 Report

From: "" <>
Date: Fri, Jul 7, 2006 12:06 PM

After a prolonged and retracted battle over the wastelands of western
Kentucky, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and the backwards folk-country of New
York, we Kentucky Boys arrived at the epicenter of the universe:

It was, I'd say, around 4:30 a.m. when we first parked our shimmering
escape pod near the registration compound. We proceeded on foot
downward into the seedy depths of the camp, noticing an eerie quiet
(all too unfamiliar given the nature of the end times) surrounding the
misty fields and pavilions. However, in the distance, the sound of
rhythmic beats drew us ever towards the roundhouse.

Upon arrival at said edifice I met for the first time 'people' such
as Rev. Brozna, Agent Lloyd, Bucky's girlfriend person, Ankara, and
other sick individuals. After much acquaintance, we decided to go wake
the crew from F.E.D.C.O.M.S. to mixed reviews. After that we hiked
back to registration where Rocknar talked Dr. Fuckface into a lap dance
as Bucky and said girlfriend ALMOST DIED deftly pawing onto the back of
my land speeder as I rolled into Camp Taphouse formal to the beat of a
techno nightmare.

What followed? Obligatory slack sundries, i.e. frop, and that rare
conversation that occurs only when time has separated one from another
to the point of years. Oh yes, Twobeans DID kill me. Luckily, I had
just procured a bottle of 'potion that cures any wound' which, once
applied to the gaping hole of my absent heart (which had been ripped
out by Beans) began to crackle and fizz. After much ado, the skin had
flopped back into place and the chemical construction was complete.

Of course, as X-Days (x-daze) go it was an interesting one. One with
little sleep, little dryness, and strangely; little things going on.
True, we did arrive at the pinnacle, the orgasm of the event. And
subsequently, we produced a kind of 'second squirt' in the days
that followed. I enjoyed most the campfires. The essence of
Bullshittery was thick and a house full of the smell of
sauerkraut and wurst. Time was best spent in a kind of 'golden
triangle' betwixt our modest Kentucky Boys camp, 808's deliciously
froptastic (and thankfully shady) tarp-fortress, and the amazingly
sophisticated engineering of the Ankarian-RevDrJackian Taphouse effort.

Among the items of high weirdness in this particular experiment were
the strange alien love-rocks; strange smooth bore stones with images of
futuristic stuffs on them. After much initial discovery I was able to
trace to occurance of these items to the SICK camp of Suzie and Topper,
although Topper was not...err...himself. Sexy, though.

All the boys. This X-Day was amass with young yeti deliciosity. Rev.
Alex, of course. Those nice boys from Pittsburg. Rev."UTAH" as I
call him, and the young 'sterno' from somewhere in Kentucky.
Eggplants seed, and THEE Captain Crunch. (not to mention the early
morning battles with 'the soggies') It seemed every conversation
was about dick, semen, or gay sex. And to my knowledge (unless I
received some type of brain conditioning) I received none. X-Day 9
could simply be called "Asquire's Cock Tease" ...cause that is
what is was...damn it.

We had those Bobbie awards and that, as usual, went swimmingly. It
followed an episode of the "Ask Dr. Howl" show. Now there's a
man who brings with himself a bit of surprise. Howl made frequent
rounds about the brushwood proper and I was much infused with insight
to discover at which depths and saturations whereas he was a man of
great slack reserves. Moreover, he seems to have an overflowing cup of
slack-ale which spills and splashes as he walks, inebriating all which
he surrounds with the stink and drunk of a thousand orgasming penises.
Howl was a cool dude.

Of course, X-Day. And we got screwed again. I don't care to mention
the sordid details.

In fact, now all I want to do is forget it ever happened (of course
I'll keep with me the slack)

Thanks to the following::::

Phloighd, Pisces, 808, Captain Crunch, Smelly Bacon, RevDrJack, Ankara,
Dr Howl, Fuckface, Stang, Princess Wei, Steve Scynic, Brainleak,
Eggplant, RevUTAH, Emperor the 4th, GovRocknar, TwoBeans, Lord Sloth,
Ex Mortis, Bucky, Panties, Sifu, Diana, The German Guy (Rozna?), Agent
Lloyd, Suzie the Flozie, Dr Dark, Topper, RevAlex, Doc Frop, Sis D, the
Pittsburg boys, Scalpod, Joy, Doc Pissoff & Barb, Ima, and all the
other people I got the chance to see again or meet for the first time
whose names escape me at the moment.




"Hey Phloighd, check the trap. You caught a possum."

"Really? Hold on, I'll go get the golf cart and take it in the back

"Y'know, Asquire was talking about raping a possum last night."

"Really? Where is he?"


"Hey Asquire, you were talking about raping a possum, right? C'mere."

"He's not tied up..."

"He's in a cage! All the work's done for you!"

"Yeah, but those claws look rough. Look at those teeth. ... "

"So you're gonna wuss out, huh?"

" ... "

"Subgeniuses are all talk."

That thing WANTED YOU and you wouldn't make the first move, so don't
tell me about cock-tease.

Yer pal,


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