Subject: Last Amster News

From: nu-monet <>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 26, 2000 2:25 PM
Message-ID: <>

(Swiped from:
--thx Modemac)

(modified from the original)

Amsterdam police publishing tourist guide
to red-light district, after embarrasing
experiences with The Church of the Subgenius
this past March

City police said Friday they are publishing a
guide to help international tourists flocking to
the Dutch capital for sex and drugs do it safely,
in response to a number of odd and embarrasing
incidents which occured in late March of this

The English-language "Police Red Light Guide to
get high and get off safely," will be released in
time for this summer's peak tourist season, said
police spokesman Arie van Zandbergen.

The leaflet, written by agent Wim Schild, a 12-year-old
veteran of the red-light district beat, gives pointers
to tourists who come to take advantage of permissive
policies on drug use and prostitution.

The author, who also lives in the district, warns
tourists to avoid street dealers and instead buy hashish
and marijuana at so-called "coffee shops," which are
regulated by the city. "We understand that there
are still widespread shortages of drugs and far fewer
active prostitutes after that rather enthusiastic
bunch visited earlier this year" he said.

Anyone planning to eat "space-cakes," cookies laced
with marijuana or hashish, should make sure to
drink lots of sweet liquids, he says. "We are
concerned that there are still a few "X-cakes" that
were left here, and it would be tragic if some
unknowing individual would eat one."

And, the guide warns, many of the scantily clad
prostitutes standing behind the large windows of the
district's canal houses may not be what they seem.
"A good indicator is if she is very large, covered
with fur and tends to drool and snarl."

"Pay particular attention to the places you enter,"
the guide says. "Lots of tourists are taken by surprise
when the lady they are visiting turns out to be a
hideous, sex-crazed semen-induced mutant."

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