Cambridge Devival an ASTOUNDING SUCESS despite bowel-hemmoraging setbacks!
The Middle East whimped out. Fuck 'em! I've got "Bob" and Slack!
Cowardly fuckwads threatened the Old Baptist Church into revoking their
venue. So What?
It is the very first commandment of the Church, preached oh, so long ago by
Stang and Drummond and indeed, by "Bob" himself.
THE SUBGENIUS MUST HAVE SLACK!
Not "The SubGenius would like some slack, if it wouldn't be too much of a
No! THE SUBGENIUS MUST HAVE SLACK!
And by Dobbs, Friday night, in 45 degree weather, we gathered together as
those original Fishers of Wallets did in the long ago early days of the
Church. We gathered outdoors, and we PREACHED the Word of Dobbs to both the
faithful and the unChurched as they strolled along Massachusetts Avenue
that chilly Friday night.
The Cambridge police showed up, as the fuckwad cowards who scared the Old
Baptist Church also called the police and warned them about this "Hate
Group". But Dr. Dryfoo, a mighty man indeed, used his SubGenius powers of
persuasion and his silver tongue and TALKED to the cops. He convinced them
of our benign purpose and PRAISE DRYFOO, the POLICE were on OUR SIDE! While
we stood upon the steps of the church (with the permission of the single
church official in the building) the Cambridge police officers used their
spotlights to help illuminate the scene as I videotaped the impromptu al
fresco Devival with Stang's camera.
Peddling without a license is a crime in Cambridge, yet the police officers
turned a blind eye as Stang peddled swag out of the trunk of Friday's car.
PRAISE THE CAMBRIDGE POLICE!
Despite the best efforts of Pink Cambridge politicians, cowardly fuckwads,
scairdy-cat pussy nightclub owners, THE SUBGENIUS MUST HAVE SLACK! And
SLACK WE HAD!
A hat was passed and was FILLED WITH MONEY for Friday Jones, to help her
with the expenses of this Denied Devival. People handed over money that
they would have used for admission to the Devival. And then gave MORE!
Friday Jones is no mere SubGenius. Nay, she is the first SubGenius SUPER
HERO! Her efforts defied logic, reason and common sense and she PREVAILED.
We had the most memorable Devival in the history of Humanity.
And come Monday, the Retribution shall commence, as the Church unleashes
its Terminator Lawyers upon those who would deny the SubGenius the Slack
that is their birthright. These genetically engineered litigation machines
WILL NOT STOP until JUSTICE AND VENGENCE has been SERVED!
And when the smoke clears, The Church of The SubGenius, in the stacked body
of Friday Jones, will OWN OUTRIGHT the whole City of Cambridge!
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human
history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." -- Mitch
Ratcliffe, Technology Review, April 1992
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