Legume's death was a hoax

Legume's Death Was a Hoax



...but The Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer really does still bleed! (Joe Mama & Rev. Stang inspect The Latest False Head in a more cheerful moment during the Legume Wake.) (photo by Rev. Matt)


From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)
Date: 24 Oct 1995 20:59:46 -0400

Well, it's official: Legume didn't die in a traffic accident, in fact he
didn't die at all. It was all a hoax. He's been alive all this time,
lying low and waiting for a bitchin' blowout to reveal his non-deceasedness.

I was there at Legume's memorial bash, and Legume preached and ranted
at length about the Church needing its HATE. We don't want the good
sweetness-and-nice Church, he lectured, no we need one that hates like
a born and bred hating machine.

Problem is, Legume is largely wrong. Can anyone complete the following
phrases?

The SubGenius must have _____!
alt._____
Give me _____, or give me food, or kill me.

Yes that's right, chilluns in "Bob", it's not about hate, it's not about
mockery, IT'S ALL ABOUT SLACK. That's what we should be striving to do
here: to make Slack our quest and our guiding star, not to go for hate
or "differentness" or "rightness" or any other diversions.

Hate has its uses, to be sure. As long as we can hate THEM, they can't
have total power over us. Hate *does* let us bide our time and be able
to kick butt when the day comes ... in other words, it can help us
reclaim our stolen Slack. So I can't denounce hate itself as something
in opposition to Slack.

On the other hand, let's look at what Legume's apparent demise did. I
know that at least one person cried herself to sleep because Legume
decided to have some yuks by toying with others' compassion. To get
a dose of Slack (false Slack, I suspect), Legume felt it was necessary
to deprive good and decent Yetis of theirs. When Humans do that, we
call them Slack Vampires. I don't see that Legume is any different.

Myself, I notice that I can't generate much anger, or hatred, for Legume
over this. I suspect it's like so. Legume tried to take pot shots at
something good and worthwhile and Slack-producing in me: a heart as
wide as the Tibetan sky. Well he can try all he wants to twist that
part of me, but he won't succeed. Tomorrow he could fake his death
again, and I might believe it and mourn him; then he can "come back to
life" and laugh at my utter naivete. If that's what it takes for
him to get his rocks off, fine; it's his weakness that he has no better
venues for Slack.

All the same, I'm glad Legume is still around and kicking. It's what
he does best.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Rich? You think you're rich? You can't afford to stop and take a nap,
and you call yourself RICH?"

-- someone else

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Wed, 25 Oct 1995 12:48:35 GMT
From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)
Organization: Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy

I've been sitting here reading how this supposed death effected many
people. I've recieved e-mail from people who were actually in pain
over what they believed to be the loss of a friend. I find it
incredibly unSlackfull to play with the emotions of others that way. I
think it is deliberate cruelty and I cannot tolerate that.

ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez) wrote:
>Myself, I notice that I can't generate much anger, or hatred, for Legume
>over this. I suspect it's like so. Legume tried to take pot shots at
>something good and worthwhile and Slack-producing in me: a heart as
>wide as the Tibetan sky. Well he can try all he wants to twist that
>part of me, but he won't succeed. Tomorrow he could fake his death
>again, and I might believe it and mourn him; then he can "come back to
>life" and laugh at my utter naivete. If that's what it takes for
>him to get his rocks off, fine; it's his weakness that he has no better
>venues for Slack.

I can get plenty mad about this. Legume stole some of MY Slack and I
didn't even KNOW the mutherfucker! I spent time getting "the last
photos" of Legume scanned and sent to his friends. I felt badly for
his friends. I empathized, and it was all just a big fucking joke.
It's not a funny joke to hurt your friends. It's just shitty. It's
just low and pathetic and vain.

>All the same, I'm glad Legume is still around and kicking. It's what
>he does best.

What....deliberately hurt people? I don't think that's a skill worth
encouraging. He's lucky that someone didn't kill him for real when
they found out what he had done to them.

Remember the boy who cried "Wolf!"

--
Reverend Mutha Tarla, Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy,
A Proud Jism Schism of the Church of the SubGenius, Worshipping
"Connie" Dobbs and Juicy Retardo since 1986
http://www.ionet.net/~bmyers/homepage.html

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 25 Oct 1995 16:00:34 GMT
From: clavis@ix.netcom.com (the Grand Clavister )

Well, there's one good thing come out of all this:

When Legume actually DOES get smeared across the Interstate,
we all gonnna LAFF AND LAFF AND LAFF!!!

the Grand Clavister of NYC
(Sympathy for the Devil, my ASS!)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 25 Oct 1995 14:22:24 GMT
From: saint@prairienet.org (Andrew Matthews)

the "'em" in "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." I always
assumed to be "THEM"... not "US".

With the fight reaching critical levels between the forces of
slack and the forces of pinkness, Legume could have chose a
better subject for death... I mean, if he would have said that
he killed a drunk driver, and it turned out to be a hoax, we'd
all be a little disappointed, sure, but we'd encourage him to
try again. Instead, we have this little prank.

What happened, Legume? You were inspired by Huck Finn?

>I can get plenty mad about this. Legume stole some of MY Slack and I
>didn't even KNOW the mutherfucker! I spent time getting "the last
>photos" of Legume scanned and sent to his friends. I felt badly for
>his friends. I empathized, and it was all just a big fucking joke.
>It's not a funny joke to hurt your friends. It's just shitty. It's
>just low and pathetic and vain.

That's true... the amount of hell I put Tarla through for an
article in OGYR NETWORK that now contains incorrect information
as well as being a "faux" dedication now... Not to mention another
'zine that has a "memorial" for Legume in it...

It makes me mad, ma'am... it makes me pee. - Janor Hypercleets.

BTW, Legume, if you're reading this, it was a ROYAL pain in the
ass to track down all the older copies in the stores that had
your address listed under the "other mutants" section and black
them out. A *ROYAL* pain in the ass. Of course, it doesn't hurt
me at all, but it just means that maybe some people won't send you
money under the illusion that you're dead as a motherfucker.

>He's lucky that someone didn't kill him for real when
>they found out what he had done to them.

Oh, that still remains to be seen... :) You see, we can make lots
of money from Legume's corpse...

$T.&REUX, KSC

"That's all I have to say about that." - F. Gump

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 26 Oct 1995 13:04:01 -0400
From: mtownsend@interramp.com (Michael Townsend)
Organization: Dad's New Slacks

nickie@mars.superlink.net ( Rev. Nickie) wrote:

->Oh, boy. Maybe now Legume's little lesson has taught you a thing or two.
->ALWAYS, and I do mean ALLLLWAAAYS, get ready to take it or BE FUCKED,
->especially if you think you're a SubGenius.

Don't you mean "fuck it or be taken?" Whatever.

--
D A D ' S N E W S L A C K S O N L I N E
email- mtownsend@interramp.com
tapexchng-PO Box 4272, Portland ME 04101 USA
WWW- http://www.usm.maine.edu/~wmpg
http://www.tiac.net/users/modemac/page14.html
http://www.iuma.com/IUMA/band_html/The_Punsters.html
http://www.cyberden.com/pub/bands/obekof/MaineVocalsCD.html

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Dead Bean Boy Lives Again(?)
From: kai@upx.net (Kai Cherry)
Date: Fri, 27 Oct 1995 01:03:50 GMT

Lemme get this straight: Legume's alive?!?!
If it's true, then it has proven TWO very important things:

A) The Church of the SubGenius *is* not the answer- AND NEITHER IS
ANYTHING ELSE!! Not even gullable emotion! I felt bad when I heard
about it, sure. Was even going to do a FEATURE PAGE on HoS online.
BUT I heard a couple of things in HoS 503 & 504: 504- A scathing,
reaming rant by G-o-S (Good Ol' Stang--YeeHaww!) that was just *too*
damn blasphemous against someone he didn't hate. (He doesn't seem to
speak a lot about *people* that he hates...). And in 503: Someone
euligizing him stated that, unlike "you" (alt.slack folks?) Legume
could take a joke. Which leads us to thee numero-uno Church Law:

B) "Fuck'em if they can't take a joke!"

If in fact it WAS a joke, albeit sick, it seems DAMNED FUNNY to me!
Why? Because we *believed* it!!

ROTFL

Kai
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Legume's death was a hoax
Date: Thu, 26 Oct 1995 15:18:32 GMT
From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)

nickie@mars.superlink.net ( Rev. Nickie) wrote:

>Oh, boy. Maybe now Legume's little lesson has taught you a thing or two. ALWAYS, and I do mean ALLLLWAAAYS, get ready to take it or BE FUCKED, especially if you think you're a SubGenius.

You're forgetting rule number 4 "If you don't have a sense of humor, don't try to be funny." I don't think that Legume has a sense of humor...this wasn't funny.

>>>What....deliberately hurt people? I don't think that's a skill worth encouraging. He's lucky that someone didn't kill him for real when they found out what he had done to them.

>Well, just goes to show that nobody has the...oh, nevermind. I see a Forrest Gump quote looming, and realize the hopelessness of even trying.

Tell me this...did just ONE of his friends who didn't know about this bullshit in advance, did just ONE of them punch the self-centered bastard in the throat? It's a goddamned good thing *I* didn't know him or give a shit about him. I'm not afraid of a little pain; hitting him would have felt good. Even getting punched back would be worth it... jacking with people who love you is fucked in the head. I would have punched the fucker. No doubt about it.

--
Reverend Mutha Tarla

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 27 Oct 1995 02:44:30 GMT
From: craig@cpcn.com (Pastor Craig)

Tarla asked why those who knew him didn't punch him in the throat
(Legume that is for hoaxing his death).

Pastor Craig sez:

Legume is 6'2'' 240 pounds of solid muscle.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 27 Oct 1995 15:17:20 GMT
From: ac118@lafn.org (Matthew Carey)

In a previous article, nickie@mars.superlink.net (Rev. Nickie) says:

>Oh, boy. Maybe now Legume's little lesson has taught you a thing or two.
>ALWAYS, and I do mean ALLLLWAAAYS, get ready to take it or BE FUCKED,
>especially if you think you're a SubGenius.

Damn, I wanted to be the first one to kiss Legumes resurrected ass.

--
Rev. Matthew A. Carey VISION TEMPLE }{ TARZANA CALIFORNIA
18653 Ventura Blvd., Suite #379 Send $1 for a "First Hit" starter kit
Tarzana, CA 91356 http://www.loop.com/~john/revmac/vt.html
I command you to vote in alt.config for ALT.RELGION.VISION-TEMPLE!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 27 Oct 1995 19:09:28 GMT
From: froggy@praline.no.NeoSoft.com (Carlos May)

This troll about Legume really being alive is getting pretty
tiersome.
And it's not amusing.

Okay, for those who knew him, he's alive in memory. But face
it, the person formerly known as "Legume" no longer exists as
a physical entity. Get used to it. That's life; that's death.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: saint@prairienet.org (Andrew Matthews)
Date: 27 Oct 1995 19:19:58 GMT

>Rev. Nickie (nickie@mars.superlink.net) wrote:
>: Oh, boy. Maybe now Legume's little lesson has taught you a thing or two.
>: ALWAYS, and I do mean ALLLLWAAAYS, get ready to take it or BE FUCKED,
>: especially if you think you're a SubGenius.

There's a difference... "You are being fucked but you can learn to
enjoy it..." Well, maybe I gots a lot more learnin' to do, Nickie,
'cause the death of one of the fold isn't something that I care to
enjoy. I even dare say that if ole Nenslo kicked the bucket, I'd
feel a little down.

Also, there's the question of the time lapse between the report
of the death and the "big punchline". Legume led people on for
2 fucking months. That's a long time for people to be slapped
in the face with the realisation of our mortality. The idea that
ANY ONE OF US, at ANY TIME, can be killed by something so fucking
lame as a drunk driver and not make it to the big Gut Blowout on
X-day. Considering I don't want any of us to miss out on the fun
of seeing the pinks get fried, I don't find SubGenii deaths funny.

Maybe I'm just a DUMB ASS... maybe I'm just a FUCKING IDIOT for
not being able to see the humor in it. Maybe, years from now, it
will hit me and I'll laugh out loud and say, "Oh! *NOW* I get it!"
but I highly doubt it.

By the way, have you ever done any Last Rights for your friends?
Have you opened their dead eyes to place the pennies under their
lids? It's not a very funny experience.

Lou DuChez wrote:

>I'd chalk it off as "no harm done so who cares", were it not for Ginsu.
>Right about now, the poor lad has to be wondering who his friends are. I
>know that, if I were in his place, I would have trouble trusting anyone
>who knew but didn't tell me. Just as, if I were a friend of his in the
>know ahead of time, I would have had no choice but to tell him. Perhaps
>it's hopelessly Pink of me, but I can't stand cruelty, especially to
>those I allegedly care about. And Ginsu is in the clan of "Bob" so he rates.
>Poor Ginsu has been fucked over by his friends, and not in the good sense.
>That's what I take away from this whole affair.

I think it makes us all have to evaluate our standings. After all,
we now know who's on the "inner circle" of our little religion.
The rest of us just have to bend over and brace ourselves.

But, "Bob" dammit, we're LAUGHING, aren't we? HA HA HA!
Yeah! Good joke, man! Give it to us again, and harder! Ha Ha Ha!

$T.&REUX, KSC
OGYR NETWORK ONLINE

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Fri, 27 Oct 95 17:50:37 GMT
From: rternes@gas.uug.arizona.edu (Robert Ternes)

One of the only potentially useful things you can get out of being a witness
to someone's faked death and then finding out that the deceased person is
actually alive is the opportunity to actually fulfill the lie the "dead" one
has perpetrated.

I mean, if someone says he's dead, then really wants to keep on living, but
everyone thinks he's dead, nobody's gonna miss him if you whack 'im.

Just something I've learned through observation.

Otherwise, faking your own death pretty much sucks (for the people around
you). There's a film "White" (or maybe it's blue or red) that deals with this
topic. Pseudomortification is generally a no-no, unless you're Elvis.

Robert "NO I did NOT do it" Ternes
rternes@gas.uug.arizona.edu

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 28 Oct 1995 16:19:11 GMT
From: nickie@mars.superlink.net ( Rev. Nickie)

In article <DH4r1J.CKp@actrix.gen.nz>, anthony@atlantis.actrix.gen.nz
(Anthony Hobbs) wrote:

> I knew it! I FUCKING KNEW IT! I knew he couldn't be dead until I KILLED
> HIM! *diabolical chuckle*
>
> But seriously, folks, I think something that this whole stunt shows up is
> how the herd mentality still LIVES, even among us enlightened Yeti. When
> I first saw the post announcing his demise, and saw the line saying
> "Don't ring up his family to confirm, they're too broken up as it is", my
> third nostril whiffed some SNAKE OIL. However, since my "elders and
> betters" in the church, even the Rev. Stang, seemed to go along with it,
> I ignored my GUT YETI FEELINGS and mourned along with everyone else.
>
> I WON'T MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN. Thanks, K'Taden.

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally. I was beginning to lose faith. Thank you, Anthony, and praise thy name.

--
*you have been blessed by a communication from*
-----Rev. Nickie

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Sun, 29 Oct 1995 22:54:01 GMT
From: anthony@atlantis.actrix.gen.nz (Anthony Hobbs)

Your appreciation is, um, appreciated. :) One must realise that while
compassion is *never* Pink, gullibility is.

> Thank you, Anthony, and praise thy name.

My name? Isn't that "The Guy Who Can't Get Laid"? :) (Actually, I did get
laid about a month ago, but it was a human, so it doesn't count.)
--
Anthony "Slug of Doom" Hobbs, GCP: musician and amateur ranter, Wellington, NZ.
hobbs_a@ix.wcc.govt.nz anthony@actrix.gen.nz
"You can't arrest me, officer, 'cause I ain't drunk. I sure as hell
might be half-assed-drunk, though... *hic*" (Doctors for "Bob")

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Sun, 29 Oct 1995 20:57:07 GMT
From: eraserhead@iglou.iglou.com (David Lynch)

David Lynch (eraserhead@iglou.iglou.com) wrote:
: On the other hand, if Legume was kind and rational and empathic and showed
: good taste in his humor, he'd be a piss-poor Subgenius, and possibly even
: a Christian. We're all ALLOWED to be assholes. Some might even say that's
: the POINT of the Church!

Uh, are you sure you don't have the CotSG mixed up with Kibology?
Frankly, there are plenty of people whose mouths I'd piss in before I'd
even consider starting on the Subgenii. OK, we're not New Agers, but
interdenominational squabbling is incredibly fucking stupid.

--
eraserhead@iglou.com / Not the dead director / Tape trades welcome
See the Soap WWW page at: http://www.rahul.net/ndanger/soap/soap.html

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 30 Oct 1995 23:46:45 GMT
From: nickie@mars.superlink.net ( Rev. Nickie)

Are you arguing with yourself?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Mon, 30 Oct 1995 17:36:12 GMT
From: petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk (Peter Hipwell)

But Reggie Perrin did it better.

RIP Leonard Rossiter, my ShorDurPerSav for today.

--
Factotum Maximus of the Zero Point Knowledge Unit.
http://www.cogsci.ed.ac.uk/~petehip/het.html for The One True Theory.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Mon, 30 Oct 95 18:55:00 GMT
From: mitchell@interserv.com (Fools' Press)

In article <DH7478.72C@iglou.com>,
eraserhead@iglou.iglou.com (David Lynch) wrote:

>Legume, Stang, Puzzling Evidence, Philo, JHVH-1, Sterno, Pee Dog,
>Zoogz, and "Bob" are all insensitive jerks. The only person worth
>looking up to or respecting in the Church is ME.

I was wondering when someone would mention Sterno. After all, he died
back in 1981 in front of a crowd of paying SubGeniuses and was
ressurrected the next day, in front of another paying crowd. Sure,
Legume is no Sterno, but jeez, guys, it's not like someone hasn't died
before and come back...

Rev. Sheldon der Wehr
Popess Lilith von Fraumench
The Church of the Skullfarmer's Daughter

!!!!!POSTCARDS--$1 for 4, $5 for 24!!!!!
Fools' Press
1202 E. Pike St., #769
Seattle, WA 98122-3934
!!!!!POSTCARDS--$1 for 4, $5 for 24!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Wed, 01 Nov 95 09:08:58 MST
From: Berin_Kinsman@abq-ros.com

>> : good taste in his humor, he'd be a piss-poor Subgenius, and possibly eve
>> : a Christian. We're all ALLOWED to be assholes. Some might even say that'
>> : the POINT of the Church!

There are two types of people:

1. Those who KNOW they're assholes

2. Those who DON'T

Now, which group is most annoying, people who are aware of their
assholishness, do it on purpose, and revel in it, or the dumb stupid
fucks who lack the self-awareness to know what humongous assholes they
are?

There's another way to define these two types of people:

1. SubGenii

2. Everyone Else (aka 'Pinks")

Discuss among yourselves for a while.

B.E.M. Kinsman
Rabbi-Without-Portfolio
Great Lodge of "Bob", Shaman

--
The Albuquerque ROS - (505) 296-3000
========================= !!! Automated Notice !!! =======================
E-mail replies to this user should have the following on the first line
of message text: TO: Berin Kinsman
============================================================================

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Wed, 8 Nov 1995 17:47:20 GMT
From: petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk (Peter Hipwell)

In article <47k5h5$3pf@anarchy.io.com> gggor@io.com (gggor) writes:

> Shalom Rabbi, I would just like to point out G'broagfran's
>Corrollary to Godel's Sixth Theorem which states that within
>the subset of ASSHOLE there is NEVER sufficient definitive
>material for the ASSHOLE to ever become aware that it
>is in such a subset. An ASSHOLE would have to step
>outside of its subset to perceive itself in its entirety and
>thus be able to define to itself that is is an ASSHOLE, but
>once it leaves the subset it is no longer a true ASSHOLE,
>merely an ASSHOLE once removed.
>

Definitive material and subsets... we're not going to get a turd
classification thread now, are we?

--
Factotum Maximus of the Zero Point Knowledge Unit.
http://www.cogsci.ed.ac.uk/~petehip/het.html for The One True Theory.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 8 Nov 1995 23:36:09 GMT
From: jch9334@is2.nyu.edu (Kid Ginsu)

Dennis McClain-Furmanski (dynasor@infi.net) wrote:
: On Mon. Nov 6, 1995, gggor@io.com told All:
:
: gc> Shalom Rabbi, I would just like to point out G'broagfran's
: > Corrollary to Godel's Sixth Theorem which states that within
: > the subset of ASSHOLE there is NEVER sufficient definitive
: > material for the ASSHOLE to ever become aware that it
: > is in such a subset. An ASSHOLE would have to step
: > outside of its subset to perceive itself in its entirety and
: > thus be able to define to itself that is is an ASSHOLE, but
: > once it leaves the subset it is no longer a true ASSHOLE,
: > merely an ASSHOLE once removed.
:
: Well, damn, and here I thought I had me pegged.
: Ask the big G if once I've figured it out if I can step back in and
: finally know myself for the ASSHOLE that I am.
:

As a philosophy major I would like to point out that GGGordon's
application of Godel's theorem is the ONLY correct application of it, and
that DynaSoar's question is the ONLY applicable thought that may be
entertained with ANY SERIOUSNESS re: who is the ASSHOLE is question?

Kid Ginsu

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Wed, 08 Nov 1995 21:06:20 -0500
From: jimvan@gate.net (Jim Vandewalker)

In article <815842147snz@cueball.demon.co.uk>, carl@cueball.demon.co.uk wrote:

>
> Now I don't want to get on my soapbox, but do we need more proof that
> 'natural selection' doesn't apply to humans?

Okay, this notion of natural selection not applying to humans is pretty
much conventional wisdom nowadays -- humans take care of their sick and
disabled so they don't get culled, therefore no selection.

BUT -- here's something that I read quite a while ago and didn't know
exactly what to make of (then): One of the primary functions of a city is
to attract excess population from the countryside and kill it off.

Consider the old frequently told tale (from Dick Whittington in medieval
England back to Gilgamesh in ancient Sumer) of the lad from the country
who goes the city and makes good.

It was frequently told because it was an unusual occurrance. Most of
those lads who went to the city either got knocked in the head by the
Thieves' Guild or some other protection racket, or, more likely, came down
with a flux (= got the shits), or a fever, and died. You had to be tough
or smart or lucky or all three to make it in the city.

If you were going to make it in the city you had to be smart about dealing
with the most dangerous part of your environment, i.e., other people, and
you had to be tough enough to be able to withstand the nice viral and
bacterial mix cities with their turnover of population from the
countryside were always churning up.

So now it came to me: we got selection back again. Human tribal groups
were probably smart enough to be able to care for sick and injured members
100,000+ years ago, and selection got turned off (or at least way down).
But selection is so important that about 5000 years ago, cities got
invented to get it back.

Then about a hundred and fifty years ago those bloody Europeans began to
invent public health and police forces and for some First and Second World
cities just about derailed selection again. Dull, weak, unlucky people
began to have a chance to make it. As usual, America was left with the
task of solving the problem, and by Bog, we did it. We invented the Inner
City. Now you gotta keep in mind this is a fairly recent invention and
maybe it's not working so great yet, but you can see the principle.
Anyway, selection in action ain't never going to be pretty to the culls.

--
Jim the Prophet
"Forasmuch as he will body forth what I have revealed unto him and it will be the truth to my people" --The Book of Jim the Prophet, VIII, 12.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Rev. Ivan Stang

Hail Jim the Prophet.

Some people WEEP when the cute widdle feral cat rips the jugular out of the fuzzy widdle bunny, but... isn't evolution GLORIOUS in action? You just can't beat it. Just when you think you got it made, MOTHER NATURE comes along and whacks some sense into your head, or KILLS you before you can reproduce much. It's so beautiful, so... natural. Stang said, having recently escaped the Inner City.

Rev. Stang
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Natural Selection (Was: Legume's death was a hoax)
Date: Thu, 09 Nov 95 23:33:06 GMT
From: mitchell@interserv.com (Fools' Press)

In article <jimvan-0811952106200001@tpafl2-10.gate.net>,
jimvan@gate.net (Jim Vandewalker) wrote:
>
>Okay, this notion of natural selection not applying to humans is pretty
>much conventional wisdom nowadays -- humans take care of their sick and
>disabled so they don't get culled, therefore no selection.

You're forgetting to factor in xenophobia, which used to be useful for
thinning out "abberations". Of course, xenophobia is now used in the noble
persuits of racial cleansing, discrimination, and general nastiness. Since
xenophobia is turning out to be an evolutionary dead end, most of these people
will get wiped out (mostly by each other) after X-Day, while few of the same
will make it aboard the escape vessels. If THAT ain't natural selection, I
don't know what is.

(Oh, you may think that alien interference isn't "natural". Uh-huh. WHO SET
YOU UP TO DECIDE WHAT IS "NATURAL", SON?!? What's the difference between a
moth that just so happens to look very tasty to all birds, and a human race
that looks so appealing to the Elder Gods that they want to snort up pure
human soul? Not damn much, I figure.)

Shel/Lil/unnatural and proud

--
Rev. Sheldon der Wehr / Popess Lilith von Fraumench
Fools' Press--1202 E. Pike St., #769--Seattle, WA 98122-3934
bd196@scn.org - mitchell@interserv.com
SUBGENIUS POSTCARDS--$1 for 4, $5 for 24

------------------------------------------------------------------------

LEGUME -- DEAD OR ALIVE?

Date: Sat, 28 Oct 95 16:46:00 -0800
From: michelle.hass@ledge.com (MICHELLE HASS)

LD>From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)

LD>It would be one thing if the only people deceived were the teeming
LD>masses on alt.slack, who might mourn for a day or two and then go
LD>on with their lives. That would be bad enough ... but actual *friends*
LD>of Legume were left deceived on the whole matter. How do you defend
LD>that aspect of it, Will? Yes, we're all SubGenii and a bunch of wacky
LD>guys, but our own faith condemns senseless cruelty to our own kind. To
LD>put it in religious terms: it takes away Slack and reduces our ability to
LD>stand up to the Con. To put it in secular humanist terms: there is no
LD>moral justification for it and it wasn't funny enough to stand on its
LD>own merits. (Was it funny at all? For the life of me, I can't see how
LD>there was any humor in it for anyone. Except maybe Legume and his
LD>co-conspirators, but even then it's a type of humor I can't understand.)
LD>To put it in terms of creativity: faked deaths are nothing new and as
LD>such are unworthy of our efforts. "Well, did you forget what organization
LD>you were dealing with here?" That's no excuse.

LD>But to keep Legume's friends in the dark? That's dead wrong, baby.
LD>Ginsu should have been told (and I bet he's not the only one). That's
LD>the bottom line.

Wow...you miss ONE DAY of alt.slack and all hell breaks loose!!!

So LEGUME is ALIVE and the whole Legume's Wake thang was a total put-on?

Cripes! I don't know whether to shake the guy's hand or kick him in the
'nads.

I like a good hoax. Especially when I'm in on it. And especially when it
mind-fucks the Normals. But this one...the only people who got
mind-fucked by it were fellow Subgenii.

The best hoax in recent memory was the addition of Elmo the Aardvark and
his creator, Terwilliger Ryan, into the annals of animation history. The
guys responsible for that one even got a few animation magazines to
print articles about the (fictitious) creator of the (fictitious)
animated Aardvark. When John K. came up with the Raymond Spum story it
was obvious that his story was a fabrication. A very funny fabrication,
but a fabrication nonetheless. The guys who pulled the Elmo prank were
slick as an otter's dick.

I admire how many people Legume got to believe the (exaggerated) story
of his demise, but I tend to agree with the Pope of all Berea in that he
caused unnecessary pain to friends.

Perhaps, if I ever see Legume in person, I will both shake his hand and
kick him in the 'nads.

Slack vobiscum,
The Highly Irreverend APC Catgirl Nuku Nuku

* SLMR 2.1a * Animation is too good to be wasted on the young.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: craig@cpcn.com (Pastor Craig)
Date: 30 Oct 1995 00:39:36 GMT

A total put-on but a hell of a party.

>I like a good hoax. Especially when I'm in on it. And especially when it
>mind-fucks the Normals. But this one...the only people who got
>mind-fucked by it were fellow Subgenii.

But that, unfortunately is the point. If we can't take it then we
can't dish it out.

A football team trains for battle by slamming into things at high velocity.
Us SubGenii just got slammed into something at high velocity. Maybe now
we'll be better prepared to kick some ass.

Pastor Craig

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