Oh yeah. The Legume Wake. My opinion. Disappointing attendance -- I'll bet half of the people there already knew Legume wasn't dead. Maybe 100 people? Only two real Legume Lookalike Contest Applicants. Lou DuChez didn't know but was able to GUESS that the guy in the home made ghost costume was Legume, even though that selfsame spectre SAT RIGHT NEXT TO KID GINSU MOANING without Ginsu ever catching on (as seen in Rev.Matt's photo). But we're not laughing at you, Kid Ginsu. Well, we did, but... you KNOW that Legume DIED FOR YOU. Not JUST for your benefit, but you were the ONE PERSON who had to be kept in the dark AT ALL COSTS. And from what I've heard, it PAID OFF and you have ascended yet MORE RUNGS and pretty soon you'll be so enlightened you'll realize that you should PAY LEGUME AND ME THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS for all the hard work we've done on YOUR BEHALF, you LUCKY IDIOT! Kid Ginsu's rant, incidentally, was very good, very honest and straight from the heart. Devilacqua proved himself an EXCELLENT auctioneer and MC, helped immeasurably by Rev. Genenia Grinder.
I have read ALL of the fallout on alt.slack about this hoax, the pros and cons. Legume made me lie for him but I'm glad I did. It caused some great "art" to be produced. However, I must admit that I was MOST impressed by those who loudly doubted not only Legume's demise, but that he had ever existed in the first place! After all, folks -- hardly ANY of you have so much as heard a TAPE of the guy. When he DID start posting on alt.slack, you didn't believe it was him. ALL MOST OF YOU KNEW about this guy was from stuff me and Ginsu and Craig and a few others SAID. On the INTERNET. On the CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS part of the Internet. Devilacqua, "Dr.4BOB"@aol.com (Legume) and I left MASSIVE CLUES CLUTTERING THE NEWSGROUP. I even was so bold as to say, "I swear to God that he's dead," which is the ONE SURE INDICATOR that I'm LYING MY ASS OFF.
As much of a liar and a bastard as Legume is, he HAS INDEED MADE A POINT, which is that the ONLY REAL REALITY is NOT accessible via the Internet, where you are TOO SAFE behind a DISTANT SCREEN, but is measurable only via the ONE REAL WORLD ANALOG BLOOD AND GUTS REALITY, the one where people really DO live or die, or not. And that's the only one you should even THINK about "believing." As Legume said right after his resurrection, while holding me 3 feet off the ground by my collar, "THE NEXT TIME SOMEBODY TELLS YOU I'M DEAD, YOU BETTER POKE MY CORPSE WITH A GREAT BIG STICK TO MAKE SURE!!"
Little Old Man Stang
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VidPhotos by Wei (sorry about the bad light)