Subject: Date: Mon, 20 Jul 1998 20:23:15 +0200
Organization: Vienna University, Austria
Careful study of SubGenius scripture and some minimal thought about
the economic and logistical problems of interstellar space flight made
the Orthodox Stangian version of X-Day inherently unbelievable. To an
extent, the truth *had* dawned upon the Ivangelicals - they themselves
stated that the Xist fleet would come to Earth as mental projections -
"It is said that Xists do not physically travel, but relocate their
senses to wherever they want in the Universe through advances
psychotomathematikinesis." (Revelation X, Ch.9, p. 97). Considering
the Xists' superior development in the arts of Luck Plane Diddling and
the relatively low intelligence and Nental Ife valence of homo
sapiens, it is vanishingly unlikely that they would bother to make
their ghostly presence visible to even the most devolved Yetinsyn.
They would mercilessly apply Ogham's Razor to our collective necks,
and, say, exploit a bifurcation in the gravitational relationships
between Uranus, the Moon, and a NICE BIGASS NICKEL-IRIDIUM MONSTER
MUTHAFUKA "TUGUNSKA WAS A PRACTICE SHOT" BYE-BYE NORTHERN HEMISPHRERE
YER ASS IS PASTE rock, so that it slides into our gravity well
NICE'N'EASY like an Act of God...
...which, of course, it is.
Looks like we're going to have to come up with the Sex Godesses and
Escape Vessels ourselves.
There is, of course, another problem. The Church of the SubGenius has
NAMED the UNNAMABLE - "Slack". It is only a matter of time before the
Conspiracy will begin selling on the open market convincing "Fake
Slack". Unlike the previous attempts with "False Slack" and
"Technoboredom", this will be MUCH more convincing - one possibility
is a free-form virtual-reality evironment where you can still WORK
even as you reinvent the Universe around you to fufill your LOWEST,
MOST PRIMITIVE DESIRES. The worst part of this nightmare vision is
that SubGenii will get the MOST out of this masturbatory "floating
world" - they will "cut" their dwindling stashes of True Slack with
this new, almost-as-good, "see, I REALLY AM a God" minddrug...
...assuming, of course, that we don't get smooshed NEXT YEAR after the
cheap "Armageddon" and "Deep Impact" marketing tie-ins are moldering
in our trash heaps.
So - anybody know a good design for an antigravity motor?
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