X-Day: A Study In Rupture

by: Reverend Noah J. Stewart

No event has ever been so anticipated by SubGenii as X-Day. None has
been so disappointing either. When searching for explanations, it is
faith-shattering to accept that the information was misinterpreted,
Dobbs didn't come through, or that it was all just a joke. There are
more appealing and sensible reasons why the SubGenii remain on planet
earth, after seven o'clock, July fifth, 1998. The blame for this should
not be placed upon Ivan Stang or "Bob", but upon factors totally outside
of the SubGenius Foundation, Inc and beyond its members' control.

Any belief in the X-ist saucers as real space vessels is wishful Bobbie
delusion. The saucers from the planet X are in fact
"illusions"(Revelation X, 1994, p. 107) created by these benevolent
aliens to help SubGenii come to terms with their transcendence to
Overmen and Überfemmes. "X-ist corporeality is patterned" (Revelation
X, 1994, p. 107) by whoever calls them the loudest. Thus, the
spaceships are only as real as they are believed to be. If the majority
of people believe that they don't exist, then it is possible they may
not materialize, at least not in the form of we desire.

Since the loss of our "useless physical shells"(Revelation X, 1994, p.
108) is required to use these "transit gates"(Revelation X, 1994, p.
111), we have always assumed that our bodies would be destroyed. But if
the bodies survived the Rupture, perhaps a splitting of or a sharing of
the SubGenius' souls would occur between our dimension and dimension X.
In this case, SubGenii may continue to live on earth just as they did
before the Arrival, totally unaware that the Rupture had occurred. In
such a case, an extremely elevated sense of slack would be the only clue
that any event had transpired.

Perhaps the greatest obstacle facing the space aliens is their
passageway into our dimension. At 6:45 am on July fifth, 1998, the
Unarius saucers are to interface with the Washington Monument, thus
opening "the transdimensional gateway for the Escape Vessels"(Revelation
X, 1994, p. 108). Unfortunately, the arrival of these "two-bit,
cheezy-looking, strictly corporeal spaceship"(Revelation X, 1994, p.
108) is entirely out of "Bob's" and the X-ists' direct control. If, for
some reason, they are delayed or stopped by some intervening force,
"Bob" must and shall find a new way to bring the X-ists through to our

Fortunately, there is still hope. As the "Chart Of Time"(The Book Of
The SubGenius, 1983, p. 135) indicates, the actual "Initiation of the
Overmen"(The Book Of The SubGenius, 1983, p. 135) is not scheduled to
occur until sometime in 1999. It is possible that the X-ists have
already arrived and are among us, as they are not scheduled to leave
until the year 2000. Such behaviour would be characteristic as they
have "walked amongst us throughout history"(Pamphlet #1, 1981, p. 6) and
have been visiting our planet "for thousands of years"(Pamphlet #1,
1981, p. 6). In this case, we have only to wait until their plans are
unfurled, and obey whatever commands Dobbs issues.

From only these few explanations, it is blatantly apparent to all
doubters that everything is going according Dobbs' plan. Whatever he
has in store for earth is to come into light quite soon. All that is
required of the SubGenius is "prayer and donations"(Revelation X, 1994,
p. 107) to ensure that the ascension of all SubGenii does occur as "Bob"
has promised.

Praise "Bob".

Works Cited

Fair Indoctrination League. SubGenius Pamphlet #1. Dallas: The
SubGenius Foundation, Inc., 1981.
Stang, Rev. Ivan. The Book Of The SubGenius. Toronto: Simon &
Schuster, Inc., 1983.
Stang, Rev. Ivan. Revelation X: The "Bob" Aprocryphon. Toronto:
Simon & Schuster, Inc., 1994.

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