X-day? Yeah I'm ready. Ain't got no card, ain't got no ticket, but goddamn it, I am ready.
You know why?
Because I've got my HATE. Thats right. I'm a fast-driving, ass-kicking disciple of Hypercleats. Screw escape, and the rupture, and sending in my $30. If I'm gonna use that $30 for anything, I'm gonna get my own damn slack, and not send it into J.R. 'Bob' Dobbs, so he can grin, and know that theres a sucker every minute.
I'm gonna get with the X-ists when they fly on down, and get my own cache of super weapons, and when the elder gods come, they better DAMN WELL be wearing DIAPERS, because they're gonna WET THEMSELVES when they see me! I will BE the reason X-day happens! No slack loving Subgenius will want to be on earth when I'm done with it! Pinks will PRAY to be killed when they hear me coming, and I'll have my own harvest! I won't NEED an army of fanatics, because I AM an army of fanatics! I'll out hate Hypercleats, and I'll out smite the stark fist! Hell, I will REMOVE the Stark Fist of Removal if it gets in MY way. You'll be flying in slack with the Sex Goddesses? Fine. I'll get my slack in MY way, with alien weapons, and plenty of targets. I'll turn the pinks red! And once I've finished with all the lame ass pinks in America, I'm flying to Mecca, walking up to BBL-1, and taking it out in a shower of C-4 and Nitro, destroying ALL gods, once and for all! Then I will have the blue energy matrix that fuels it. Heheh, but I forgot.. You don't know about that yet.
And once that is done, I'm gonna sit back and wait for the alien races to start appearing. Because once they do, I'm gonna take them out before they can think to run! Not only won't they know what hit them, they won't know it did hit them! I'll kill every race outside this planet! If you're lucky, I won't take out the Escape Vessels! After all, ya gotta have some respect.
But if anyone takes even one ounce of my slack, I'll make sure they pay for it 1,000 fold in their own blood! They'll know me alright! You'll see what happens and be GLAD there is no more earth!
Yeah, I'm ready for X-day alright.
And once all other races are dead, I'm gonna go to the last one, I'm gonna get the worst scum of the universe, and NGHN, and any remaining elder gods, and you know what? I'm gonna invite them all to a little tea party on the smoking carcass of this planet. And halfway through, I'm gonna excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and DRILL a hole to the center of this little planet, and BLOW the core! And in that final explosion, with the blue energy matrix, I will trancend everything and BECOME slack!!
So you go on to your escape vessels, and have a nice day, cause I'm gonna be making those pinks RUE the day they ever heard that cute little phrase. Yeah. I'm ready.
Mike Thrall
Discoverer of BBL-1 and countercon-spirit-or mthrall@gac.edu
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Original file name: My rant of the unruptured s
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