The truth has been revealed to me, O my brethren!
The power and might of the ASTRAL TV hath irradiated my soul with
After many days and nights of excremeditation, and self-flatulation, I
have been given visions of the future!
First, and most importantly, I was shewn, O faithful servants of Dobbs,
the horrible NEW WORLD ORDER that will befall those who knoweth not how
to hitchhike the mothership of the conqeuring X-ISTS! The damned shall
be forced to buy licenses that allow them to eat junk food and watch
insipid cartoons for ALL ETERNITY!
And the empire's name shall be called McMicroDisney.
But thou hast not yet heard, O sacrificers of the vile "Bob", the worst
of this hideous nightmare which will come to pass.
In the midst of my junk food, and during a break in the action of the
insipid cartoon (which was actually kind of amusing, and held my
attention in a hypnotic and unholy kind of way), and in the full
realization that I had been left behind on X-DAY, ("I'm lost! Aw,
I'm a lost toy!") I shouted "Stang, Stang, why have you forsaken me?"
And I looked up, and saw the X-ist ship. And behold, O disciples of Sir
Thomas Krapper, I was shewn [yea, shewn!; it wasn't a typo the first
time] a vision of the interior of the ship. There were many X-ists,
happily eating unlicensed junk food and watching copyright-infringed
bootleg insipid cartoons, and lo, in the midst of them all, stood the
only SubGenious on board: Stang himself! He was clutching wads of
money, eating processed breaded chicken morsels, drinking non-dairy
vegetable shortening shake, whistling "Hakuna Mutata," and laughing at
the forsaken faithful of YETI Y'KUN (may he be ever fellated by sexy
demonesses) and saying to himself, "suckers."
So now, O lickers of kittens, thou hast been shewn (or shorn?) the
ghastly truth that I have beheld. And when it hath come to pass, don't
come crying to me!
Of course, the whole thing could have been a bad 'frop' trip.
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