Subject: Funding for Legume

Date: Fri, 04 Jun 1999
From: David Tanstaafl <David@tanstaafl.cc>
Organization: 27th Church of Patent Medicine and Travelling Salesmen

Hey Jesus,
Can I donate some money for Legume to go to XX-Day and for Friday's
aborted devival through you guys? All I have is a credit card right now
I'm between cheques, but I can't abide XX-Day without Legume.
Also may I preregister for XX-Day now?

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From: jesus@subgenius.com (Jesus@subgenius.com)

Anyone wishing to contribute to Legume's camping fund can send the
donation to the PO box. I will forward this on to Legume's house. As
you probably know you can not pre-pay for camping fees only
registration. So, I will send everything to him so he can pay when
he gets there.

By the way this is nothing new. It is not as if we have paid camping
every year for all the preachers, workers, etc. In fact we NEVER
have. The reason for this is simple. Where do you draw the line? It
is almost impossible and if we paid for everyone that participated
EVERYONE would get paid. We do, at times, waive OUR fee, but we can
not also pay from our pockets any extra money.

Even with this "Where do you draw the line?" problem I had hoped that
this year by some miracle that we would have enough money to actually
pay some people's (well deserved) camping fees, and I mentioned this
possibility. Well, just like every other year we can not afford to do
it. I just wanted to make that clear.

PS The camping fee in no way goes to The Foundation, not even a
percentage.

PSS I have heard from 3 people wishing to help out Legume, but no hard
cash as of yet.

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From: dave@tycho.clara.net (Rev. Mutant Dave)

>->jesus@subgenius.com (Jesus@subgenius.com) wrot:

There should be Sesame Street style announcements naming the people
who've paid each day that Legume's there:

"today's Legume was brought to you by..."

Rev. Mutant-Dave J. McKinnon
_________________________________
"If you`re not offending somebody, then you're not doing it right"

/\/\\/\/<>\/\//\/\ @cix
speaking for UK SubGenius Heresy.
inc. Church of Scatology and DIURETICS

netplace: http://home.clara.net/tycho/

mwowm@ <----- USE THIS EMAIL
cix.
co.
uk

and...

For the benefit of Spambots everywhere:
webmaster@localhost abuse@localhost postmaster@localhost

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From: temujin9@io.com (Reverend Imposter Eliot)

I did my part to send Legume to XX-Day in the only TRUELY right way
possible; I bought swag. That's right; for the downright *absurd*
price of $50, I am getting not one, but TWO Legume trenchcoats. One
black one, and one brown leather one that sounds like it could stop
small caliber weapons fire.

And as I sat there, writing out the check, I realized something. For
just $10 more, those coats are more than just coats. At $30 a piece,
they are WEARABLE ORDAINMENTS. ONE ordainment was fine, but THREE
puts me ahead of ALL YOU FUCKERS. You can have the damn pleasure
saucers if you want, ya pussies. I'm gonna be leaving here on a
pleasure MOON; the goddamn prophecy of Space 1999 made hideous flesh.

Will it make my mortgage check bounce? Not this month. And next
month is "Bob"'s problem. Until then, PRALEGUME!

temujin9

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From: legume@subgenius.com (Legume)

In article <375a9f32.346327779@enews.newsguy.com>, jesus@subgenius.com (Jesus@subgenius.com) wrote:

>By the way this is nothing new. It is not as if we have paid camping
>every year for all the preachers, workers, etc. In fact we NEVER
>have. The reason for this is simple. Where do you draw the line?

Uh Jesus, you DIDN'T pay my camping fee the last few years? Then who DID? I
KNOW I DIDN'T!
Geez, we didn't screw Frank Barney outta the cash, did we?

Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

Mecagum les cinc llagues de Crist,
mecagum D'eu, en la creu, en el fuster
que la fue i en fill de puta que va plantar el pi

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From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)

They paid my camping fees, plus $100 for expenses. You mean they didn't pay the
other preachers camping fees or expenses? Was I not supposed to say anything?
Nobody told me to lie or anything. (Not that I would if they had.) I hope this
doesn't cause any trouble...

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From: "St. K" <ksantos@uafphpl.uark.edu>

Shit, last year they sent me $1000 and a plane ticket to Cancun so I
wouldn't come to Brushwood. Does this mean no paid vacation for me this
year? I guess I'll be looting your houses instead.

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From: geoff.bronner@dartmouth.edu (Geoffrey V. Bronner)

Cancun in July? Geez, they could have at least had the decency to send you
somewhere in season!

-G
--
<http://www.dartmouth.edu/~geoffb/>
"Suppose that you were an idiot and suppose you were
a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
- Mark Twain

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From: dave@tycho.clara.net (Rev. Mutant Dave)

and how would they know when St. K was "in season"...? the smell of RUT, I
suppose

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "St. K" <ksantos@uafphpl.uark.edu>

As anyone can tell, I'm "in season" that way all the time. But I can
only be harvested in certain cities where special hunting licenses,
called "arrest warrants," have been issued for me. I'm rarely seen in
those cities, and very few have ever even got a shot off at me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>

> In article <375D6FB7.5D9@uafphpl.uark.edu>, "St. K"
> <ksantos@uafphpl.uark.edu> wrote:
>
> Cancun in July? Geez, they could have at least had the decency to send you
> somewhere in season!

What is this "decency" thing of which you speak?

The Prophet Lilith

--
======== Popess Lilith von Fraumench * http://come.to/p.lil =========
== Seattle SubGenii! We are the future! http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com ==
==== In ecstasy I mock the world - Emperor, "Ye Entrancemperium" ====

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From: geoff.bronner@dartmouth.edu (Geoffrey V. Bronner)

It's a massive CON deception I fell into a long time ago and can't shake off.

-G

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From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>

Kinda like the tattoo we got Stang while he was here in Seattle, right?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: bmguth@mtco.com (Reverend AmphibiousAssault)

In article <375a9f32.346327779@enews.newsguy.com>, jesus@subgenius.com
says...
> PSS I have heard from 3 people wishing to help out Legume, but no hard
> cash as of yet.

Check going out to Legume tomorrow.

-Amph
--
Reverend AmphibiousAssault
Church of the Inevitable Revolution
"History Ends Right Now!"

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From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)

If Jesus won't do it, I will. I can take Visa, Mastercard, American Express and
Discover card, then send a check to Legume. It costs me 5% and a stamp, but
it's worth it not to look like a cheapskate in the eyes of "Bob". When "Bob"
needs $ for the ministry, we should ask "how much?", not "how come?"!

Hell is going to be mighty HOT for those who have a fat little piggy banks full
loose change that they won't break open for this needy cause, saving it instead
for a six pack or a pink made Pizza. For SHAME!

Email me if you want to contribute NOW. Even if it's just $5, or $10, or the
entire $40 needed to resolve this crises, stop waiting for someone else to do
it and do it yourself. And remind me never to take a subgenius to dinner
expecting help towards the bill... let alone the tip!

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From: "ICEKNIFE" <iceknife@lanminds.com>

how much will you send me NOT to go?

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From: bmguth@mtco.com (Reverend AmphibiousAssault)

Is $40 all it will take to end this whining?

Post the damn address, tell me who to make the check out to, and it will
be in the mail.

40 dollars...small price to pay to stop the goddamn bitching.

And no, this is NOT going to be the start of a trend.

-Amph

--
Reverend AmphibiousAssault
Church of the Inevitable Revolution
"History Ends Right Now!"

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From: "kevbob" <kevbob@slak.org>

Monsterwax <monsterwax@aol.com> wrote in message
news:19990604190603.02091.00000663@ng-co1.aol.com...
> Discover card, then send a check to Legume. It costs me 5% and
a stamp, but
> it's worth it not to look like a cheapskate in the eyes of
"Bob". When "Bob"
> needs $ for the ministry, we should ask "how much?", not "how
come?"!

so,

it's BOB who needs money.

this whole thing is a fund drive for bob?

THAT'S REALLY FUCKING WEIRD CUZ I THOUGHT THIS WHOLE THING WAS
CUZ BOB WASN'T GOING TO PAY FOR LEGUME TO STAY AT BRUSHWOOD AND
WORK HIS ASS OFF.

WORK HIS ASS OFF, THAT IS, UNLESS SOME ASSHOLE MAKES ANOTHER
PRANK PHONE CALL!!!

funny,

i'm such a fucking idiot,

i got the whole damn thing wrong.

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From: David Tanstaafl <David@tanstaafl.cc>
Monsterwax wrote:
>
> If Jesus won't do it, I will. I can take Visa, Mastercard, American Express and
> Discover card, then send a check to Legume. It costs me 5% and a stamp, but
> it's worth it not to look like a cheapskate in the eyes of "Bob". When "Bob"
> needs $ for the ministry, we should ask "how much?", not "how come?"!

Thanks anyway Papa Joe, I finally got a paycheque from worker's comp. I
will be sending a cheque directly to Legume, he's e-mailed his address
to me.

> Hell is going to be mighty HOT for those who have a fat little piggy banks full
> loose change that they won't break open for this needy cause, saving it instead
> for a six pack or a pink made Pizza. For SHAME!

"Bob"-damn them any way! To paraphrase the Freak Bros. "It is better to
have Slack and no money than to have money and no Slack!"

> Email me if you want to contribute NOW. Even if it's just $5, or $10, or the
> entire $40 needed to resolve this crises, stop waiting for someone else to do
> it and do it yourself. And remind me never to take a subgenius to dinner
> expecting help towards the bill... let alone the tip!

I can't think of a SubGenius I'd *want* to eat dinner with anyway.
Oh wait, except for Rev. Nickie (Yumm...but that would be eat *for*
dinner)

Rev. Moxie

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From: bmguth@mtco.com (Reverend AmphibiousAssault)

In article <3758A09C.527E@tanstaafl.cc>, David@tanstaafl.cc says...
> I can't think of a SubGenius I'd *want* to eat dinner with anyway.
> Oh wait, except for Rev. Nickie (Yumm...but that would be eat *for*
> dinner)

How dare he neglect to mention SisD, Rabbi, and Friday?

-Amph
--
Reverend AmphibiousAssault
Church of the Inevitable Revolution
"History Ends Right Now!"

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From: friday@subgenius.com (Friday Jones)

I should think that all four of us at once would be MORE than a mouthful.

--

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From: David Tanstaafl <David@tanstaafl.cc>

What can I say?

Sit on my face and I'll eat my way to your heart.

Rev. Moxie
Sorry can't talk right now. Must exercise tongue.

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From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)

And this ALSO goes to those who are NOT going to Brushwood. Send Legume there
as your PROXY. It might not save you from certain death on X-day, but if I'm
the one doing the executions in your neighborhood, I promise it will shave a
little time off the torture...

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From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)
KEVBOB WROTE:
>>funny,

i'm such a fucking idiot,

i got the whole damn thing wrong.>>

I couldn't have said it better. And as far as Prank Phone calls go, you better
leave that to the pros. They can sniff a Bobbie a mile away.

Regarding "Bob", here's the scoop:
"Bob" isn't here to cough up the cash- he's busy buying YOUR salvation on
Planet ten. But that doesn't mean he can't see and hear what goes on back at
the Earthfarm. When he gets back, there's gonna be HELL to pay for those who
slacked off when it was time to share the slack with fellow Subg's. I suggest
you dig down deep, YEAH YOU TOO, KEVBOB, stop making flippant excuses and
contribute something besides anti-slack!

If you want to tear into me, show up in PERSON at BRUSHWOOD and TESTIFY. I'll
WELCOME your biting cynicism in court. But if you can't afford the trip (i.e.,
you've got backward priorities) then spend $20 of the money you saved by NOT
going and send it to Legume. I'm traveling over 1,000 miles to be there and I'm
still kicking in the $20- even though Legume's out to kick my ass! So spare me
the lame excuses.

Rise to occasion. Put your money where you mouth is. And that goes for the rest
of you lurkers who are giggling from the sidelines. We only need TWO people to
kick in $20. What's the %*$% problem?

The next two posts should be TRUE Yeti willing to spare $20 to make it
happen... That's assuming there's any true yeti left.

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