Atlanta Devival report pt.I: Legume's bachelor party

by Rev. Rock In Hand ( )

Date: Sun, 11 May 1997

Atlanta Devival report, pt I

The Atlanta Devival began Late Friday night with the bachelor party for
Dr. Legume. We had tried to decide upon a suitably sleazy place to hold such
an event, and the "Claremont Lounge" proved to be such a place.

I had never been in the place, although it is legend in the city of Atlanta.
The cops that frequent the area refer to the place as "the farm", due mainly
to the porkers and cows. Most of the women were either old enough to be
my grandmother or weighed more than I do( I weigh around 260).Stang
referred to the place as a "joker joint".

The ambiance from the wood panneling was incredible. We drank a bit
and watched the "show" for a while. I noticed a few looks of disbelief on
Stang's face as he watched a few women on the bar stage shake their girth
as only beached whales can.

Then the real show began. Legume was taken aside and treated to a
special show by a small black woman with a very large ass and Blondie.
Blondie is a stripper that has appeared on numerous shows such as "Jerry
Springer" and the like. She looks like tina turner on steroids. Her body is
like a beer keg on a couple of stumps. She is famous for crushing beer cans
with her breasts, and what a spectacle that was!

They danced around legume for a while until blondie began beating the hell
out of Legume with her breasts. It was quite a sight to see the seeming
surprised look on Legumes face after the repeated blows from Blondies breasts.
Stang was worried about legume's jaw after the ritualistic pummeling.

I must confess that the best looking mutant(and they were) in the joint was
the blonde waitress. She had short cropped blonde hair and sounded like the
chicken lady from "the kids in the hall". She seemed confused when I repeatedly
asked her if there was a clergy discount. At the end of the night, Jesus and I
tried to explain the church to her, but it was painfully obvious that the pink
bimbo wasn't getting it, and in fact we seemed to cause enough confusion to
make her cower in the corner and just babble.

Coming soon: Report. pt II: Susie, Stang and Jesus rob the grave of the
murdered beauty baby, Jon Benet Ramsey
Report pt III: the Devival!!!!

REV, Rock N Hand

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