ULULATING EYIYIYIs of SubGenii
Stang: That was the microphone-crushing sound of 50 naked SuBGenii all getting baptised at once.
THIS OLD MICROPHONE survived... This OLD PREACHER survived too, with tongue intact and still a-waggin'. Now -- can your headphones withstand the WOTAN music and ranting of... the 1997 X-Day Drill.
(Thursday night Wotan music with Dynasoar antimusic rant on bullhorn)
You COULD say that it wasn't a BAD Church of the SubGenius shindig. You COULD say it was a WILD SUCCESS. What can I say. 175 attendees. Everybody got Slack. Most of 'em got Slacked to the GILS. Many of them got nekkid. Some of them got laid. WE made MONEY! If you could have gone and didn't, well, you and Philo, and Hogan's goat, have a lot in common. And you know what Hogan's GOAT did.
Everything we promised happened, PLUS the unexpected -- just as we promised. Most of the people who actually made the gigantic effort to GET there were True SubGenii and not Bobbies, because Bobbies are too afraid of me and Legume and Jesus personally, to drive all that way and risk being ignored as if they were mere Bobbies. Which they are, and that's why there weren't many of them there. Just lots of NEW SUBGENIUS FRIENDS.
We had a hell of a PARTY is what we did. And we learned a few things. It IS a DRILL for the END OF THE WORLD, after all. We PRACTICE -- to be PREPARED. Like boy scouts in Hell. I paced myself better than last time but wished I had brought a second pair of DRY SHOES. I imagine that some of the younger SubGenii learned a little something about their alcohol tolerance levels. In many ways the Drill is indeed as much a learning experience as it is a debauched party or slavish Dobbsian ritual. Jesus and I forgive the drunks anyway.
But consider. 50,000 people went to Roswell New Mexico that weekend to talk about 50 year old crashed saucers. WE ACTUALLY HAD A CRASHED SAUCER RIGHT THERE AT BRUSHWOOD and if you don't believe me, look at the pictures on SubSITE on the web. We had a nuclear warhead and a whole bunch of naked SUbGenius babes and manly men and transexuals. We had an Ugly Parade. We reenacted The Last Supper and the Crucifixion only in OUR passion play, we had a REAL JESUS and we REALLY REALLY DID CRUCIFY HIM and you can see the proof of that too. Yes we nailed him up, mocked him and spit on him and then threw him in a car trunk. And then he rose and got laid.
(Interlude of Wotan music -- Stang and Strange comment over the music on how horrible it is, thanking "Bob". Cut to slower Doktor music from Friday night)
And he wasn't even the only Jesus. There was a Stunt Jesus and a Bass Playing Jesus too. And the Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer was there and it not only got Launched with a catapult made from a lawn chair, but it was in fact KICKED AROUND A FIELD BY DOZENS OF CRAZED SUBGENII IN A DEMONIC GAME OF BLEEDING HEAD OF ARNOLD PALMER DISCO SOCCER FOOTBASKETBALL. There were hot oil wrestling matches between all the Living Church Sex Symbols of the Hierarchy. The Two Jesii Brothers versus Pastor Craig and Pee Kitty. Rev. Nickie Deathchick versus Miss Sakamoto. Legume versus Strange sumo wrestling. And an Apartment style oil match between yours truly and BOTH Rev. Susie the Floozie AND IrRev. Friday Jones. PLUS the yearly NAKED BAPTISM, during which Dr. Legume went into a BAPTISING FRENZY where he had baptised everybody in the pool but couldn't stop, and went up and baptised every single voyeur and lurker and shy SubGenius peeper that was watching.
You would have been PROUD and INSPIRED to see your fellow BEAUTIFUL MUTANTS cast aside ALL CONSPIRACY TRAINING IMPLANTS and FLAUNT THEIR ABNORMALITY!! Or mutliple abnormalities. They didn't care if they were fat and out of shape. They stripped down and STRUTTED. They didn't care if they had speech impediments. They got up and RANTED! They danced whether or not they could dance, and they jammed whether or not they could play an instrument. And it was FUNNY AS HELL, ALL THE TIME!! We had freaks, crips, blind people, beautiful people who looked like models, old grizzled people, callow youth -- tons of college kids actually -- crazy people, seemingly normal people, intellectuals, rednecks, wimps, bikers, nerds, stars, losers, and OverMen and Uberwymyn. We burned a cross and had a bonfire of Hate where we burned Bibles and SubGenius books and momentoes from our parents' divorces and all things evil. And there were TWO honest TWO PIRATE RADIO STATIONS -- WBOB and OR KILL ME 90.5 -- playing NONSTOP SUBGENIUS and or BULLDADA RELATED MUSIC and BARRAGES, 24 hours a day, nonstop.
And, PRAISE the SubGenius Mobile Impromptu Recording Team, Wandarer and Bill T. Miller Steve Slack St.Andrew DK Jones BJ Price, HolyTemple Mass Consumtpion and others, the videotapes and audiotapes came out, for once, JUST FINE. 9 HOURS of Drill Rant and Musicis on our website in Real Audio. I will gradually whittle the videotapes down to some sort of bizarre documentary. There are jillions of sexy pics on the web. WWW.Subgenius.COM. It has taken me days just to catalog it. And so... here it is.
The X Day Drill 1997 in Sherman New York. NEXT TIME, YOU DIE.
******FROM THE TAPES:
Susie the Floozie shows off her July 5 holiday souvineers. Wandarer forgets his name.
More Thursday night doktorjam music
PAPA JOE MAMA -- Friday morning rant: "ANGRY WHITE MEN IN BLACK" re: The Ivangelicals vs. the Holocaustians
BILL T. MILLER - THE KING OF SLACK: "X-DAY'S A-COMIN'" and "YOU RANG?" (live from Saturday night)
WOTAN music from very late Friday: scary. DK Jones, Bill T. Miller, BJ Price, his pal, many others; vocals by P-Lil and Rev. Nickie
Stang as a Bobbie DJ on WBOB... also Jesus as smarmy DJ
THE BONFIRE OF HATE -- various SubGenii burn icons of Hate in the bonfire, purging yet bolstering their Hate
ST.@NDREW'S amazing HATE RANT (Friday afternoon)
DR. K'TADEN LEGUME's "I HAVE A DREAM" speech (with patriotic background music, from Ed Strange's radio show just before the Drill)
PO BOX by DK
WOTAN music cont.
SUSIE THE FLOOZIE Friday p.m. X-rated rant (severely cut for regular radio -- uncut for Internet and Canadian stations)
Original file name: HoS587 -- X DAY DRILL
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.