Confessions of a non-drill attendee: "Dr. Ginsu"

Date: Tue, 08 Jul 1997 09:42:59 -0700

After reading some of the accounts: RevJack's and P-Lil's ad Modemacs,
and also BJ's, I have to admit a certain LONGING that has erupted from
my breast. My heart is with you all, and especially with those of you
who fell for Suzie the Floozie's "You're the Real Thing This Time"
come-on. I fell for it last year, and I have the pictures to prove it.
My confession is that I need help, friends, because I have sold out to
the man and I seem to be barreling towards disaster land without the
help of "Bob." I'll do anything short of giving any more money to those
liar ministers of his, ANYTHING to get myself out of this greedy career
mindset that I'm in. The problem is, that it's taking bigger and
messier situations to get me off. Not even Legume's cherished X-Day
Drill this year was enough to get my Slack Dander up! What can a poor
Sub do? Is there ANY kind of mind set available in the mindwarp
pavillion that will get a jaded SubGenius off? I'm calling on Stang,
I'm calling on every preacher who ever felt that there was nothing weird
in the world left to help me! Help me! I'm calling to Satan's Angels
and Jehova's Devils, anyone! Without money or time, I have no slack.
This is my problem:

I sold out.

Save me "Bob"!

Dr. Ginsu

(p.s. fuck you Stang.)


From: (Rev. Random the Other)
Date: Thu, 10 Jul 1997 11:34:55 GMT

Hmmm, a tough one. Sold Out, huh? Well, you've looked to the
hierchites, and received nothing. As well should you have.

No, you must search in those low places, where Enlarged with that
Singular Feeling, engorged and expanded, you may find a Desire.
A Special Purpose, as it were.

Herein is a parable of Yore, from a time long past, as best as I can

Once upon a time, Kid Joshua was young and had no career, indeed had
no worries. The Others asked of HIM "so, what have YOU done for "Bob"
lately?" And HE answered thusly:

"That's EASY! I've done NOTHING for "Bob". NOTHING WHATSOEVER."

This, Kid Joshua knew, works both ways.

Of course, if the Normals ever discovered such an attitude mutation,
things would quickly become dangerous. And yet, PRABOB, there is a
scripture, a Mouthing_of_the_Word, that can Save when the weasles are
closing in. Just tell them "I USED to do WHATEVER I WANTED. Now I do
whatever Dobbs TELLS ME to do." Normals will not understand, nor will
they question. For it is enough (for them) that you are following
Another's Ideas. They like that. Guaranteed to work. Every time.

Rev. Random of Yore
SDPS material, Kid.

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