I can't believe I htmled the whole thing... I must be fucking NUTS. And
"WHY," that's what one has to wonder. But I did indeed take my logs of the
videotapes, and my 150 or so frame-grab stills from the videotapes, and
interwork 'em so that now you can sit and wait 10 minutes for one of the 6
ASTOUNDING new pages to download, and see all the gross pictures they're
overloaded with, and then within those pages one may pursue links to
dozens MORE ugly pictures.
And the whole effort probably will be pointless unless you have your
monitor set to display thousands or millions of colors. I saw how SubSITE
looks on Jesus's crappy old PC's 256-color screen... YECH. 75%
But what the "hey". Those who were at the Drill AND have decent monitors
will probably enjoy EVERY PICTURE. I certainly did. You'll also grop out
on the groovy background tiles from Funway Plastico. Those maniacs have
now sent something like 75 unearthly SubGeniusoid bg tiles. It will take
me WEEKS to utilize them in all the main pages of the rest of the
website... 'cause it takes a while to find a TEXT COLOR and LINK COLOR and
so forth that'll work with these complex things.
I do sympathize with those of you who have crappy old decks and cannot
accurately see the artwork, hear the audio streamings, and abuse the
movies on SubSITE. BUT WE CANNOT, MUST NOT WAIT FOR YOU... if you want
more new TEXT, WELL, you could always VOLUNTEER to help CHOP THE ENDLESS
HEADERS like Rev. Nickie Deathchick is doing.*
We have linked some TrueSpeech recordings of the X-Day Drill into those
new pages, BUT YOU CAIN'T HEAR 'EM YET. Neither can we. In fact ALL of the
TrueSpeech stuff at SubSITE, such as the HOUR OF SLACK shows, and any
other TrueSpeech files that might happen to live at SUNSite, are dead in
the water this week. It all worked GREAT for the last few months, but
apparently somebody tripped over a cord or something in North Carolina,
and the TrueSpeech-notating module is deaf right now. I pestered the
webmaster about it; let's hope they correct the prob soon. Having bad
TrueSpeech links scattered throughout one's website-- well, it's
humiliating. It's a sign of weakness. WHICH WE MUST NOT ALLOW.
I like to think that anybody who cruises through the evidence from the
Drill will pretty much HAVE to attend the next one. It really was a
WONDERFUL SubGenius event, probably the most intense one since the ancient
Dokstoks. My old pals who wussed out will scoff; even my old pals who were
THERE, like the Corpses, will possibly scoff, SNOBS that they are; but by
Gobbs it was a pretty fine cross-section of SubGeniusdom -- and, COMPLAIN
THOUGH ONE MIGHT about nerdiness and pasty-faced, wimpish fatboy fannish
geekiness, a SubGenius audience sample like this is STILL a hundred times
more palatable than an office building or construction site full of
And I am especially proud that we seem to have transcended the old
boys-only curse. A SubGenius hardcore clusterfuck of the late '90s is
almost half Uberfemmes. AT LONG LAST!!! A third, anyway.
I am sorry that more of the pasty-faced, wimpish fatboy fannish geeks
didn't have the testosterone or estrogen to just simply walk up and
introduce themselves like everybody else did, because I have a merciful
heart and have pity for the jokers and crips and sissies, but on the other
hand, maybe you dipshits just wanted to "SNUB" Old Man Stang as best you
could, so FUCK you if you were the type that drunkenly broke my microphone
when JHVH HATES PHRED started blowing bubbles, and then never came round
to admit it. When I saw the X-Day pics and captions at Rev.Jack's website,
the scales fell from my eyes and I figured out who was who. (GET THIS,
Rev. _____: you know that toothless drunken redneck that ranted insanely
late Friday night? Well, HE, a NON-SUBGENIUS, at least had the common
inhuman decency to come forward and admit to me that he had stepped on my
headphones and smashed 'em, and offered to pay for them. But YOU would
have remained safely ANONYMOUS, right? Except for the videotapes, ASSHOLE.
I KNOW WHO YOU ARE and I am SERIOUSLY TEMPTED to REFUND your $30!!!)
Ahem. Sorry. A very few of the alt.slack regulars did prove themselves to
be the lowest, silliest, least clued sort of Bobbies. MOST of the
attendees came off pretty well as far as I'm concerned. Of course, it's
natural for any SubGenius to hate most of its fellow SubGeniuses only
slightly less than its normal coworkers. But I came away from the thing
hating LESS people than I had hated going in, and THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING!
The bottom line is, we crossed the bottom line and actually made a few
hundred dollars rather than losing it (!!!), and the ranting that was
recorded was TOP-NOTCH THROUGHOUT (heard on Hours of SLack 536-8) , and my
faith in SubGeniusdom was reaffirmed by the HIGHLY PROFESSIONAL WORK of
Bill T. Miller, who without having to be asked, TOOK THE JOB of
stage-managing and MCing the whole thing, all night both nights, and in
general took more of a load off me than I ever would have expected, PRAISE
THAT DAMN KING OF SLACK, and BUY HIS CD!!!!
((Seriously -- BUY HIS CD!!! From him or from us, it don't matter.))
AND PRAISE BE to those such as myself and Rev. Miller who would NORMALLY
be fucked up acid-beer addicts or straight-edge ninnies like everybody
else, but INSTEAD choose to STAY BULLDADA-ONLY for the SOLE PURPOSE of
GETTING THE DAMN JOB DONE!!
The only problem is that now, after having mixed the video-audio sound
down to 3 Hours of Slack, and dubbing the Video 8 origs to VHS, I CAN'T
GET MILLER'S LIVING KEYBOARD SAMPLES OUT OF MY HEAD. You know how you get
pop tunes stuck in your brain? Well, Jesus and I are suffering echoes in
our heads of those loops of "WARNING! DANGER!", "YOU GONE BURN!", "Why Do
You Wanna Be Normal?", "Turn On, Tune In, Slack Off" and etc.
I am now once again in the awkward position of having been sent SO MUCH
COOL GRAPHICS SHIT that I cannot possibly find the time to link and
display it all on SubSITE before I have to split AGAIN for a devival -- in
this week's case, STARWOOD, at Brushwood, where the Drill was... and since
it costs $125 to attend that selfsame week-long neopagan fest (no day
passes!), I don't blame ANYBODY for not going. BUT I am looking forward to
doing another LIVE Hour of Slack recording FROM ONSTAGE, this time with
Dr. Legume, Papa Joe Mama, Lonesome Cowboy Dave, Jesus AND Rev. Bleepo
Abernathy... AND ALSO with songstresses Sister Melodious Chopps and
Princess Wei "R." Doe... talk about EASY, all I'LL have to do is make sure
the MIKES don't peak out. I can just lie back and let those blabbermouths
go at it, and I'll have TWO radio shows done AND GET PAID WHILE DOING
IT!!! DOBBS' PROMISE RINGS TRUE. Poor old Jesus, he's gonna be there too,
flown in by ACE not to RANT, but to BABYSIT!! That's right, JESUS
DEVILACQUA is getting a FREE RIDE to STARWOOD because they love the way he
managed the TEENAGERS and LITTLE KIDS last year when he still lived in
Cleveland!! Talk about the fox guarding the henhouse.
The most pronounced repercussion of the Drill in my case has been my
teenaged kids' reactions to it. They are DISGUSTED that their Ma and Pa
went SKINNY DIPPING and otherwise ACTED SO IRRESPONSIBLE among a bunch of
freaked-out weirdos. You'd think they'd be used to it by now. The X-Day
Drill was "bad" enough, but apparently what really bothered them was that
on the way up with Jesus, El Diablo, Nickie, Will, Matt, et al, MOM went
scampering around at the RAINBOW GATHERING and had her Inner Hippie
awakened, and now she's as irresponsible as me, which means the KIDS are
the only SQUARES left in the household to maintain any moral equilibrium.
AHHhhh yes. Parenthood CAN be good once the little bastards can drive, and
you no longer have to worry about THEM, but instead they start worrying
about YOU. And fretting and spying on you, and frowning upon your music,
and forbidding you your illegal drugs.
Poor YDNAX -- MAN!!! Imagine being a young man having to rebel against
SUBGENIUS PARENTS!!! The poor bastard has no recourse but to be a STOLID
Ehh... he'll grow out of it.
Before I take off for Starwood I'm hoping to suitably display some of the
RETINA-REAMING ART that keeps coming in, and maybe even to finish linking
in the photos from the Slack Crusades Tour into that months-old section of
the website. Did anyone notice that I left all that mass of unfinished
Slack Crusades material on SubSITE in such a way that ANYONE could
download the source, FINISH THE LAYOUT FAIRLY EASILY, and then send it
back here so the whole mess could finally be viewed with the pictures
linked in? To save pore old doddering Rev. Stang the trouble? No? Well, if
you hadn't noticed by now, I EXPECT YOU WOULD-BE BOBBIES TO READ MY MIND.
And BOY have I been disappointed in that respect so far.
Copyright 1996 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack
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