Soozie, Squids & Slack, Oh My!

From: king@redrose.net (St. Pomp Prideless)
Date: Fri, 12 Jul 1996 16:46:12 -0800

In article <4s44ms$nrd@news0-alterdial.uu.net>,
phred39@mailp.starnetinc.com (Pope Phrederick Q. Armageddon) wrote:

> The Horror!.....
> The HORROR!!......
> no.....
> I though I had seen it all: St. Andrew the Impaled could not sew
> his lips shut due to the needle's smallness. Legume, with much gusto
> (not to mention a couple bottles of Jagermeister) grabbed another
> needle, jabbed it through his pouting bottom lip, then proceeded to
> grin for the audience.
>
> This act of self-mutilation for Bob should have signaled an end of
> the night's festivities-- how wrong we were! It was then that Rev.
> Stang cried out:
>
> SQUID!
>
> The squid was brought out of its' shagging tent for proper
> display. I daren't discribe to you, such words escape this poor
> reporters' vocabulary.
>
> The ABUSE! Oh. the shame that was thrust upon that poor little
> squid! Legume probed that slimy cephlapod with his meaty finger like
> there was no tomorrow! This only excited that plucky little squidster
> to a heart attack, killing it instantly. But death was not enough to
> stop the hedonistic tendencies of the SubG's, Oh NO! Sister Soozie the
> Floozie engaged at what would be best called "Necromantic foreplay",
> rubbing the dead (and defenceless) Prairie Squid over and over her
> ample, heaving breasts. Soozie squealed in glee as that flacid squid
> slithered downward, pulled by the relentless force of gravity. Spent,
> Soozie collapsed in a quivering pile of pleasure.
>
> Surely this should have placated the eager throng of MuTants, NOT
> SO! Pastor Craig gingerly lifted the dead, quickly rotting squid off
> of the ground. Then, with a yelp, smacked that sucker upon his bald
> pate! AIIIIGH! The Convulsions! The squid, dead, though still serving
> it's purpose, had absorbed the tantric sexual energies of three nights
> of plookin', thrashin', and froppin' . Energies, which even now were
> transfering to Pastor Craig's forebrain!
>
> The writhing and twitching of Craig stirred emotions in me that I
> never knew I had: I NEEDED that squid! But I could not consummate my
> desires, the laws of "Proper Behavior" stood before me like the
> Himalayas, solid and impassable!
>
> So, with a hung head and a heavy heart, I went to mourn another
> passed opportunity in the safety of my tent.

Yep, it's all truelly disgustfully true. Witnessed it with my very own
sixth sense. Just when I expected Stang to thrust his wanker into the
Squid, he pussied out crying," What, it's dead, I'm not going to fuck a
dead squid!"

--
We live, they sleep. I hate you with a smile and a wish; a deathwish. I wish you dead.
Pomp Prideless

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: angela@Exis.Net (Sophia Anifantakis)

Pope Phrederick Q. Armageddon (phred39@mailp.starnetinc.com) wrote:
: The Horror!.....
: The HORROR!!......
: no.....

: Yes, it's true! Many unspeakable things happened the night after
: X-day, 2 BX. However, until now, you were ignorant of the goings on.
: You might have said to yourself:

: I though I had seen it all: St. Andrew the Impaled could not sew
: his lips shut due to the needle's smallness. Legume, with much gusto
: (not to mention a couple bottles of Jagermeister) grabbed another
: needle, jabbed it through his pouting bottom lip, then proceeded to
: grin for the audience.

I missed that. I had a rough enough time watching Andrew hammer the nail
into his nose and eat the flames. That really looked like it would have
burned him...There must be some trick to it...but I'm glad I missed
Legume jabbing the needle in his lip.

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