things i learned at xxx-day

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com
Date: Thu, Jul 6, 2000 11:07 AM
Message-ID: <3964BCF5.8413A4E8@home.com>

SubGenius Spice wrote:
>
> um.
>
> i dunno.
>
> what did i learn?

I learned:

-Even if ONE has no effect, TWO may still kill you.

-Don't forget to eat, sleep, and pee [IN something. NOT something
someone drinks out of, though.]

-No matter how naked you get, people will still say it wasn't enough.

-Stay away from the Pagan Fire, it has bad vibes ever since we
desecrated it that one time.

-The State Trooper just wants a "Bob" shirt.

-kevbob really IS a coffee god!!! And he's HOT, too... in an "Opie" kind
of way.

-MSakamoto is ALSO really hot, in a mysterious, sultry kind of way.

-Nobody can resist shiny things.

-Despite all their bluster about wanting to be their own superstars,
SubGenii, like the Pinks, really just want to sit and be entertained by
others.

-Modemac CAN sleep.

-Doc Frop has some amazing gams.

-Sis D is hot to the touch.

-Governor Rocknar doesn't go postal if you simply say, "You talkin crazy
talk, there, Rocknar."

-Nickie wears Hello Kitty panties.

-The Geddyn's haven't reached the "bickering" stage in their marriage
yet. Praise "Bob"!

-Phloigd is a better ninja than anyone suspected.

-Suzie the Floozie STILL has the hottest ass of all SubGenii.

-Sometimes Rev Stang looks like "Moe" from the Three Stooges... when the
humidity gets into his hair.

-Princess Wei NEVER gets bitchy. (must be all dat frappy)

-Pastor Craig will find SOMETHING to complain about, even if his wildest
wet dream comes true and he actually has a good excuse to get the
sympathy he's been begging for for years.

-They call alt.slack.village "The Ghetto".

-Dr Codini looks like Lee Majors, the Bionic Man. Some say... he IS the
Bionic Man! Gals -- free up your calendars for Codini next year, you'll
be glad you did.

-Crawford Smith is a sex god. All dem Smith boys are that way.

-Mojo is a fuckin piece of shit, no good, Cremora-bomb pyromaniac. Stay
away from him if you value your eyebrows.

-Lilith's hair is naturally curly and full of body, but she prefers a
sleek, sophisticated look.

-Papa Joe Mama has a REALLY big cock.

-There's a good reason why you shouldn't smoke in the hot tub. It's
messy.

-First the whisky, then the beer. Repeat for maximum effect.

-Martinis are not gross.

-Chris Lee is a barely-contained volcano of sexual energy.

-Mykal D'Arkangel could kill us all in our sleep, but he doesn't feel
like it... right now.

-Ed Strange is a big homo fag who can't STAND it that Legume gave up his
HomoCaustal ways in order to pursue the pleasure of ladies.

-Bribery is much easier than policy.

-Sometimes, late at night, Commander Chaz and Eagle Rocket Hunter like
to actually get sleep at Tranquility Base.

-Rev Zorro is more than just a wolf-man!

-If Banjo Bob has a blood-dripping duffle bag next time, don't ask any
questions.

-SubGenius Spice kicks ass!

-Christina Bucket will do ANYTHING... for a price. Praise "Bob"!

-Sikki Nixx is a stand-up babe who's got your back.

-Rev 808 smokes TOBACCO in that pipe. [I'm STILL hacking up a lung]

-Hellpope Huey's rants are much more dramatic when you can hear his
booming voice.

-Evangela could whup you.

-Joy D'Veeve gives up THE FULL MONTY.

-Rabbi's pussy REALLY IS as good as you heard.

-Andreux will give you things like cigarettes, just because he's a
sucker! I mean... just because he's so nice!

-If you give Circus Freaks, like Andrew the Impaled, a special gift,
they won't steal your change.

-When Pinks ask who we worship, say: "The SubGenii bend their knee to
no gods, imagined or real! Non Serviam, d00d!"

and finally,

-No matter how long you sit in front of the computer and TRY to remember
every cool Yeti you met, and every amazing thing you learned, you're
always going to leave some out, so you might as well stop here.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: things i learned at xxx-day
From: Sister Decadence <decadence@subgenius.com>

On Thu, 06 Jul 2000 17:07:07 GMT, Rev. Magdalen said in alt.slack:

>
>
>SubGenius Spice wrote:
>>
>> um.
>>
>> i dunno.
>>
>> what did i learn?
>
>I learned:
>
>-Even if ONE has no effect, TWO may still kill you.
>
>-Don't forget to eat, sleep, and pee [IN something. NOT something
>someone drinks out of, though.]
>
>-No matter how naked you get, people will still say it wasn't enough.

No shit!

>
>-Stay away from the Pagan Fire, it has bad vibes ever since we
>desecrated it that one time.

Yeah, the "goddess" HATES us. Hail Connie.

>
>-The State Trooper just wants a "Bob" shirt.
>
>-kevbob really IS a coffee god!!! And he's HOT, too... in an "Opie" kind
>of way.
>
>-MSakamoto is ALSO really hot, in a mysterious, sultry kind of way.

It's that tongue-thingie!

>
>-Nobody can resist shiny things.

Especially when they are draped around Astro-Babe.

>
>-Despite all their bluster about wanting to be their own superstars,
>SubGenii, like the Pinks, really just want to sit and be entertained by
>others.

Yeah, fucking dammit all to hell. Whaddya want for $30? Eternal
Salvation?

>
>-Modemac CAN sleep.
>
>-Doc Frop has some amazing gams.

Strong too. And they look good in lingerie. Too bad I couldn't get
him into a garter belt and hose.

>
>-Sis D is hot to the touch.

" I got ts-ts- steeeeeeam heat......." Aw, it's just YOUR touch baby.

>
>-Governor Rocknar doesn't go postal if you simply say, "You talkin crazy
>talk, there, Rocknar."
>
>-Nickie wears Hello Kitty panties.

Fucking right ON! WOOF!

>
>-The Geddyn's haven't reached the "bickering" stage in their marriage
>yet. Praise "Bob"!
>
>-Phloigd is a better ninja than anyone suspected.
>
>-Suzie the Floozie STILL has the hottest ass of all SubGenii.

Oh man, such round soft, whiteness.....

>
>-Sometimes Rev Stang looks like "Moe" from the Three Stooges... when the
>humidity gets into his hair.
>
>-Princess Wei NEVER gets bitchy. (must be all dat frappy)

Man no kidding. Whatta PEACEFUL gal. She rules. If you EVER want to
feel better at X-Day events, just go talk to her. About ANYTHING.

>
>-Pastor Craig will find SOMETHING to complain about, even if his wildest
>wet dream comes true and he actually has a good excuse to get the
>sympathy he's been begging for for years.
>
>-They call alt.slack.village "The Ghetto".
>
>-Dr Codini looks like Lee Majors, the Bionic Man. Some say... he IS the
>Bionic Man! Gals -- free up your calendars for Codini next year, you'll
>be glad you did.

Yet another WOOF! Manoman he's hunkalicious. (I had at least four
other gals say this....I am not alone.)

>
>-Crawford Smith is a sex god. All dem Smith boys are that way.
>
>-Mojo is a fuckin piece of shit, no good, Cremora-bomb pyromaniac. Stay
>away from him if you value your eyebrows.

Fucking Nancy-boy!

>
>-Lilith's hair is naturally curly and full of body, but she prefers a
>sleek, sophisticated look.
>
>-Papa Joe Mama has a REALLY big cock.

Woah, who'da thought?

>
>-There's a good reason why you shouldn't smoke in the hot tub. It's
>messy.
>
>-First the whisky, then the beer. Repeat for maximum effect.
>
>-Martinis are not gross.
>
>-Chris Lee is a barely-contained volcano of sexual energy.

It's all that Esquivel he listens to.

>
>-Mykal D'Arkangel could kill us all in our sleep, but he doesn't feel
>like it... right now.
>
>-Ed Strange is a big homo fag who can't STAND it that Legume gave up his
>HomoCaustal ways in order to pursue the pleasure of ladies.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

>
>-Bribery is much easier than policy.
>
>-Sometimes, late at night, Commander Chaz and Eagle Rocket Hunter like
>to actually get sleep at Tranquility Base.
>
>-Rev Zorro is more than just a wolf-man!
>
>-If Banjo Bob has a blood-dripping duffle bag next time, don't ask any
>questions.
>
>-SubGenius Spice kicks ass!
>
>-Christina Bucket will do ANYTHING... for a price. Praise "Bob"!
>
>-Sikki Nixx is a stand-up babe who's got your back.
>
>-Rev 808 smokes TOBACCO in that pipe. [I'm STILL hacking up a lung]
>
>-Hellpope Huey's rants are much more dramatic when you can hear his
>booming voice.

Man, no kidding. He is AWESOME live.

>
>-Evangela could whup you.

I'm afraid. Very afraid.

>
>-Joy D'Veeve gives up THE FULL MONTY.

Joy is the PUSSY-MAMA!

>
>-Rabbi's pussy REALLY IS as good as you heard.
>
>-Andreux will give you things like cigarettes, just because he's a
>sucker! I mean... just because he's so nice!

Andreux gave me Mango-Slack. Praise Andreux!

>
>-If you give Circus Freaks, like Andrew the Impaled, a special gift,
>they won't steal your change.
>
>-When Pinks ask who we worship, say: "The SubGenii bend their knee to
>no gods, imagined or real! Non Serviam, d00d!"
>
>and finally,
>
>-No matter how long you sit in front of the computer and TRY to remember
>every cool Yeti you met, and every amazing thing you learned, you're
>always going to leave some out, so you might as well stop here.

Sister Decadence
Goodwill Ambassador
Church of the Subgenius
http://www.subgenius.com
http://www.walkingdead.net/~quijibo/sister_d


----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: things i learned at xxx-day
From: Christopher Lee <clbundy@indy.net>

"Rev. Magdalen" wrote:

> -Despite all their bluster about wanting to be their own superstars,
> SubGenii, like the Pinks, really just want to sit and be entertained by
> others.

I just want to be a good host, and make sure everyone has a good drink, and
maybe some of those cool mint peppermint patty things, and maybe some pixie
sticks.

> -They call alt.slack.village "The Ghetto".

Yep. I used to call it the "shantytown", now I call it "the projects".
It was nicer this year that it used to be though. Gentrification?

> -Martinis are not gross.

Right on. Took me a month to get the hang of it, but this weekend, they
tasted fine, just fine.

> -Chris Lee is a barely-contained volcano of sexual energy.

Because he only gets to erupt every five to six years!!! Bwha-ha! Oh! Hee
hee har! Sigh. Um....

> -Mykal D'Arkangel could kill us all in our sleep, but he doesn't feel
> like it... right now.

> -SubGenius Spice kicks ass!

Seems a fair assessment.

Christopher Lee

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