By J. Victor Stark (

Well, it seems to me, it wasn't more than 30 years ago, when Fred Aluminum-Alloy was making trouble at Old Nessie's Farm. Now Old Nessie's wasn't a REAL farm; it was a vegetable stand that Dr. Fear ran between gynecological examinations. So Fred shows up and says, "Doc, I need a cucumber to stick up my ass!"

Doc Fear is irked, as you may imagine. "Fred," he says, "them cucumbers aren't for fucking; they're for eating!"

Fred gets a little mad, and he gets that crazy look in his eye, which makes the peppers collapse like they've been instantly cooked, and all the tomatoes roll away as fast as they can. Doc tries to get away, too, but Fred is too foxy for 'em.

See, without the good doctor even noticing, while Fred and he were chatting, Fred unrolled his prehensile penile protrusion and spread a good thick load of "speeeeoooo" all around the vegetable stand. Doc takes one step in the wrong direction, and his feet are as stuck as a rabbit in a bear trap!

Now, lordy, if Fred Aluminum-Alloy doesn't grab the thickest, biggest, knobbiest cucumber from the stand, and say, "Doc, I'm going to show you what it means to be a man!" He pulls the doctor's scalpel out of his front shirt pocket and cuts a neat 1 1/2 " hole in the side of Doc's abdomen. Doc opens his mouth to scream, and Fred, quick as a lick, jams a juicy yellow squash right in Doc's mouth. Now Doc can't scream, y'see.

So Fred takes his finger and scoops the rent flesh outta the hole in Doc's side, and licks his lips, thinking about how much fun is was going to be, putting that cucumber in that brand new fuckhole...


** Send me keys and I will send you more. Send them to: OLINYK, PO BOX 2559 GRAND CENTRAL STATION NEW YORK NY 10163-2559. Yes good also yes **

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