This guy at work is driving me crazy. He keeps saying, "Cut me some
slack, Jack." "Cut me some slack, Jack." I know for a fact that he is
unaware of "Bob". Judging from his age, I think he got the saying from a
Shaft movie. If he doesn't stop I'm going to shove his mouse up his pink
ass. Picture him running around the office with his pants down around his
ankles, a mouse cable dangling from his asshole, saying "Cut me some
slack, Jack." "Cut me some slack, Jack."
OK, I know what you're thinking; violence never solves anything. It's my
fault for having a job in the first place. True enough. Maybe when the
weather gets warm I'll quit, and go out and stand on a street corner with
a sign saying "Will cut slack for food." Don't laugh. Those guys make a
lot of money. Ask one of them to mow your lawn for a can of food and see
what kind of reaction you get.
See you in church.
Subject: Re: Cut me some slack.
From: email@example.com (Lou Duchez)
LesLucid (firstname.lastname@example.org) wrote:
: This guy at work is driving me crazy. He keeps saying, "Cut me some
: slack, Jack." "Cut me some slack, Jack." I know for a fact that he is
Good, now I don't have to come up with a new SUBJECT. One of the most
under-used paths to Slack is still the "Bob"gland, which some call by
the street name "foot". Yes, the path to Slack is best walked in a
literal sense. I can identify these points:
- Walking is a strictly physical action, and gives a (nearly painless)
reminder of the true realities of existence. You walk, and you get
tired. You begin to instinctively realize that, if you don't plan
right, you could not be able to walk far enough to reach your
destination and you would die. It helps you realize how trivial that
disorganized Rolodex on your desk is.
- The Con can't suck dollars out of your wallet on this. All you need
is a cheap pair of Keds and perhaps other articles of clothing. The
simplest acts are still Con-exempt; that's an object lesson in and of
- The Con has very little hold on you when you're walking. When you're
in your car, you're under the control of the radio, and you're at the
mercy of the Con's Bad Driver Squad (the only possible explanation of
drivers these days). But when you're walking, you create a protective
psychic shield around yourself. It's just you, and maybe "Bob" if
you let him in. The perfect state of mind to plot your revenge!
- It follows that you shouldn't be listening to a Walkman either, unless
you are listening to "The Hour of Slack" or "Car Talk". The point is
to help catalog and focus what Slack you have; don't let the Con into
the endeavor. As soon as you listen to your local "Real Rock" station
or country or NPR or whatever, it becomes nothing but physical exercise.
- But it is helpful to talk out loud as you go. Do half your thinking
internally and half out loud. Use hand gestures liberally. Tell
yourself jokes silently, and laugh out loud at the punchlines. Now
doesn't that feel good? When you've had enough practice, you can
graduate to doing the same thing 24 hours a day. That crazy old man
on the bus is no fool: well okay he is, he's a Divine Fool and a
SubGenius Master of the highest order, spouting parables that you only
wish you could comprehend. You too can start the journey to mastery.
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president,
and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
-- Ex Vice President Dan "Tater" Quayle.
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