If Jesus ain't God, then what is he?

By John Laviolette <talysman@jasmine.psyber.com>
Date: 25 Nov 1994

I see Jesus through polarized lenses as a gay divorcee, a bachelor father
on the make. The Church is, of course, his former bride, who put on three
hundred pounds after the marriage on Mt. Sinai and spent most of her days
stuffing her 144,000 mouths with fancy chocolates bought with Mr. Christ's
hard-earned collection money ... and filling her soft skull with
slavation soap operas broadcast over CBN.

I see Jesus as trainer of Iguanas--someone who asked reptiles to be his
friends, but was horribly disappointed when they gave him their
coldness. Of course, when Mr. Christ's boss made work unbearable, Mr.
Christ trained his pet iguana to kill the man (played by Ernest Borgnine
falling from a window) and afterwards assassinated the lizard pets he so
loved. One of the smartest, though, escaped, and turned his vengeance on

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