This is from page 65 of the April '95 Reader's Digest:
Whenever my brother-in-law, Ken, discovered a good barber, he stuck with
him. Larry was one of his favorites. Stopping in for a cut on the way
home from work one evening, Ken found the place buzzing. Since Larry was
busy, Ken took the next available chair.
As a barber named Susan began adjusting the drape around him, she asked,
"How do you want your hair cut?"
"I don't know," Ken quipped, "but when Larry finishes with me, he hands
me the mirror and says, 'Now you're the handsomest guy in town!'"
Susan immediately unwrapped the drape. "Well," she said to Ken, "I think
you should wait for Larry."
end
I'm stumped. By Reader's Digest. I am stumped.
--
Rev. Matthew A. Carey Rips \ on Vision Temple--Tarzana, CA
18653 Ventura Blvd., Suite #379 ]\[ "We are not an occult."
Tarzana, Calif. 91356 Rips \ off mnbvc
ac118@lafn.org ]\[
---------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Somebody explain this to me.
From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)
ac118@lafn.org (Matthew Carey) wrote:
>
> This is from page 65 of the April '95 Reader's Digest:
>
> Susan immediately unwrapped the drape. "Well," she said to Ken, "I think
> you should wait for Larry."
>
> end
>
>
> I'm stumped. By Reader's Digest. I am stumped.
Let me guess: the story was submitted by Bil Keane, right?
Someone put this baby through the Rant-o-Matic to see if hidden meanings
appear! In the meantime, I'm devising a custom XLATE lexicon to make
some sense out of it:
---
"barber","prairie squid"
"Larry","""Bob"""
"Ken","Jones"
"Susan","Wanda"
"stuck","fucked"
"brother-in-law","Hot-Headed Naked Ice Borer"
"drape","Grandma-face sandwich"
"cut","pyroflatulate"
"chair","Johnson rod"
"hair","crunt"
"mirror","pipe"
"handsom","G'Broagfran"
"guy","momcheese"
---
Whenever my Hot-Headed Naked Ice Borer, Jones, discovered a good prairie
squid, he fucked with him. "Bob" was one of his favorites. Stopping in
for a pyroflatulate on the way home from work one evening, Jones found
the place buzzing. Since "Bob" was busy, Jones took the next available
Johnson rod.
As a prairie squid named Wanda began adjusting the Grandma-face sandwich
around him, she asked, "How do you want your crunt pyroflatulate?"
"I don't know," Jones quipped, "but when "Bob" finishes with me, he
hands me the pipe and says, 'Now you're the G'Broagfranest momcheese in
town!'"
Wanda immediately unwrapped the Grandma-face sandwich. "Well," she said
to Jones, "I think you should wait for "Bob"."
---
<sniff> now it's a lovely parable of devotion to "Bob" ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What the hell, you see one utterly strange and inconceivably alien thing,
and you've seen 'em all."
-- Rev. Ivan Stang
---------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Somebody explain this to me.
From: ac118@lafn.org (Matthew Carey)
In a previous article, pkitty@netcom.com (Purple Kitty) says:
>: "Just barely," he said with a crunt.
>: So I shot him.
>: Yes, now every humorous story in the Reader's Digest can now do
>: double duty as a cautionary tale for the Nervous 90s. Try it
>: yourself! Thank you, and enjoy!
>
>Thank YOU! You have just made reading Reader's Digest worthwhile! Now
>sitting in the doctor's office with nothing to read but those stupid
>digests will only be half the torture it was! The next time I am sitting
>in my dentist's foyer, you will be my ShorDurPerSav.
Whatchoo talkin bout? Reader's Digest esta La Caca! Literally. Until
SubGenius literature came along, Reader's Digest was the only reading
material specifically designed for reading on the toilet. Don't let the
name fool you -- "Stuff to Read While You're Taking a Dump" didn't do
well with the focus groups.
And, yes, "Digest" is the subtle joke that you always thought it was.
--
Rev. Matthew A. Carey Rips \ on Vision Temple--Tarzana, CA
18653 Ventura Blvd., Suite #379 ]\[ "We are not an occult."
Tarzana, Calif. 91356 Rips \ off mnbvc
ac118@lafn.org ]\[
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