Fools' Press Classifieds -- the autorant version

Fools' Press Classifieds -- the autorant version

Date: 29 Mar 95 04:55:39 GMT

slogans on the butt of your Nental |can't *believe* you really did it.
Ife. Makes it easer for the Men In |The virus won't kill you painfully,
Black to find you. Or cross out that |but videotape your necrosis anyway
Beastmark (TM) barcode for a |and send it to PO Box 140306,
"political" statement. Not |Dallas, TX 75214.
responsible or double your money. |---------------------------------------
-------------------------------------|BOLD SURREALISTS poke me in the eye
SWINGIN' LOVE CORPSES!!! Join Philo, |with Muh. Weary with molten lawyers?
Sphinx, Ra, and the rest of the gang |Send to us. (Still not available in
as they show you the pain of artistic|NRK.)
and hedonistic expression in the |---------------------------------------
privacy of your own bidet. "They like|FRAPPY?!? NOT ENOUGH. When was the
their tacos hot. I admire that in a |last time you sat down upon a big,
man." --Ceasar. Look for the |steaming bowl of BROAG CROTCH? Just
autoerotically asphyxiated Dobbs on |as I thought.
the package. Available at all |---------------------------------------
locations of 338 Lakewood Ballwin MO |WE'LL BURY HER, LEON! Permanently
63011. |preserved under a layer of frost--
-------------------------------------|sho' nuff! Park that there truck. She's
WART PREGGERS. Easily treatable. One |your wife, call her a hog if you want.
barium enema and a brief exposure to |273-2338, ask for Lucius.
Wotron fields in front of your |---------------------------------------
friends in a skimpy outfit and you're|BERMUDA BOB'S USED PLANES AND BOATS.
all set. Keep them blastulas "in |Like new, antiques. No questions. No
check". Discounts for HeadLaunchers |*answers*. As advertised in The Nasca
who have problems with chafing. Write|Plain Dealer.
m'muh@Ggerpus.hungh |---------------------------------------
-------------------------------------|SINGED OFF-WHITE MALE (on the weekends)
Redstrapdickcletians 17:93ii#4a |seeks a reason why I *shouldn't* scream
-------------------------------------|in your face while scrubing my pustules
EXCUSE ME, MR. BLACK? You dropped |with desperate glee. I got my shots...
your soap. Yes, it's right there. |want yours?
(HA! Got you right where I want you. |---------------------------------------
-------------------------------------|BERTHA. No, ma'am, I didn't use your
IN PRAISE TO ST. JANOR for Pils (TM) |scalp massager on my cloaca. No, ma'am,
decanted. Thank you, Dobbs. You sick |I like my eyeballs just as they are.
bastard. |No, ma'am, I don't want to use the
-------------------------------------|nine-iron. Please don't. No. No. No.
EXTRATERRESTRIAL RECORDS. Out of Band|---------------------------------------
Experience, Kings of Feedback double |BEASTMARK is currently hiring test
CD *OPEN YOUR EARS* available now. |subjects for our latest human resource
For info and "free gift" stickers |management system. No experience
CALL NOW! 1-617-LICK-OBE |necessary. Docility and a belief in
-------------------------------------|the inherent good of government a plus.
WOLF-DOG HYBRIDS, "White Fang" look- |Born-again Christians of all sects need
alikes. Late-night auditions for |not apply. Fax your resume today.
filmmakers and lonely man-hating |---------------------------------------
women. Owner prefers being a passive |TULPAS ARE TO DEITIES WHAT MAGGOTS ARE
observer. For info and scheduling |TO FLIES. Stop the spread of the
call HORNDOG (467-6364). |the pantheon *dead cold*. Free cookbook
-------------------------------------|$1. Church of Theophagy--coming to a
ANARCHIST LAWYERS LEAGUE. The |religious service near you.
quickest way to destroy a government |---------------------------------------
is from within. Forget wimpy protests|DEMON TURDS ON YOUR SHOES? Pamphlets,
--try encouraging a bit of |postcards, tapes, and other sanctified
bureaucratic dry-rot instead. |consumables make great soul-scrapers.
Strangle the feds in their own waste.|Oh, they're damn good reads too.
Non-lawyers welcome. SUBVERSION |FOOLS' PRESS, 1202 E Pike St #769,
THROUGH SUBMERSION! |Seattle, WA 98122-3934

} Fools' Press--1202 E Pike St #769--Seattle, WA 98122-3934 USA {
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Original file name: Fools' Press Classifieds

This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.
With minor enhancements by Sheldon der Wehr, Fools' Press--11/17/95

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