© 1998 by the IrReverend Friday Jones
(for, alt.slack, alt.stories.erotica and whatever)


I was lying in bed, casually re-reading Pamphlet #1 when the phone rang. I
dropped the paper and went to answer it; on the other end my boyfriend, Les, was
nearly incoherent. What he finally managed to tell me was that two of our
friends in Boston had returned from a fishing trip on the Miskatonic River with
nothing more nor less than a genuine, live, brand-spanking-new prairie squid!
And they wanted us to come over and play with it!

I was dressed and out the door in less than five minutes, hopping on the bus
into Boston. Prairie squid! How much I'd heard about this sexually ravenous
beast, this creature designed by some trick of nature (or perhaps the hand of
"Bob" himself?) to be the ultimate sex toy to man and woman alike.
As I sat on the bus, I felt my groin getting hotter and hotter. The sticky
patch on the outside of my jeans grew, until I was sure that I was going to
stick to the seat, sure that everyone around me could smell how sexually aroused
I was. Actually thought, it was late in the evening, and I practically had the
whole bus to myself. Picking up a newspaper on the seat beside me, I folded it
open and held it in front of my body. pretending to read it, while my other hand
slid into my lap. Ohhh ... I could feel the heat from my pussy right through my
pants. My fingers were wet just from touching my inseam. I licked my fingers
under cover of the newspaper, and thought about the warm smell of my own cunt
... how would it smell after I'd been introduced to the squid?

When I got to Boston, I went immediately to my friend's apartment. Les was
waiting in the doorway outside, and without saying a word I went into his arms,
feeling him embrace me, squeezing me close against the throbbing bulge of his
beautiful cock inside his pants. We rubbed up against one another, speechless
with desire. One of our hottest fantasies was about to come true! I wondered
if I could get Les to "share" the squid with me ...

When we got up to the apartment, though, it was almost too late. Doug was in
the living room, screaming; his hand was clenched to his bloody underwear. "It
bit me!" he screamed, his glasses fogging with rage. "The fucking little beast

"Haven't you debeaked it?" I shouted, wondering simultaneously where the poor
thing was. Doug and David looked at me with identical looks of stupid non-
comprehension. "You know, taken its beak out. Are there any pliers here?"

"Ugh!" said David. "I couldn't do that to a squid. Besides, it'll starve!" "I
don't care!" screamed Doug, whose pride was obviously bitten more deep than his
cock. "I hope it starves! I hope it dies! I hope .."

"Les, why don't you try and calm down Doug?" I said, nudging my boyfriend
urgently in the ribs. He shook himself and went to take Doug's arm, getting him
to sit down. I went into the other room, in search of the creature that had
caused all the commotion.

It was quieter in the bedroom, and I could hear the faint rustling of something
under the bed. I reached into my purse and fished out my heavy-duty nail
clippers; they would have to do to get the beak out. Did I have anything to use
for squid bait? I looked into my purse, searching around for the square of
fudge that sometimes gets hidden in the bottom (where Les can't see it) and when
I looked back the squid had come out from under the bed.

I gasped soundlessly; I hadn't expected it to be beautiful. Glowing like a
perfectly iridescent pearl, the squid was a gleaming white with glittering dots
of blue pigment around its tapering barrel. I estimated it was about twenty
inches from its pink-flushed glans to the tips of its tentacles. Crisp little
red hairs peeked out from under its arms, and formed a most flirtatious set of
eyelashes around its luscious blue eyes. My own eyes roamed over the tapering,
cock-shaped barrel, which wiggled and pulsed before me. Would it wiggle and
pulse just as delightfully inside of me? Only one way to find out ...

I stood up and slowly took off my clothes. The squid seemed to be watching me
as I peeled out of my T-shirt and jeans; perhaps it admired the furry red cleft
so much like its own. I got the fudge out of my purse, carefully unwrapped it,
and crumbled it into my palm. The other hand still held the nail clippers. I
reached down with the fudge, and as gentle as you please, the squid wrapped its
chubby little tentacles around my fingers and clambered into my hand. I could
feel its vulva-like "mouth" kissing against my palm, and a brief touch of
something harder almost made me flinch as I sat down on the bed, naked. There
definitely was still a beak attached to this beast!

I put down the clippers and touched the squid's barrel. Firm, soft-skinned. I
wrapped my hand around it, feeling the little ripples going up and down it. The
squid squeezed its mouth against my palm, sucking at me - it enjoyed it! It was
almost done with the fudge too. Carefully I let it lay along my arm, cupping it
against my chest, and picked up the nail clippers. I could see the two tiny
tips of the beak peering out. All of the manuals said this wouldn't hurt, but

Quickly I grasped the tips of the beak between the clippers and pulled. I was
sure in my heart that it would be like pulling a fingernail or a tooth, so I was
surprised - in fact I pulled much too hard - because the beak came out like
pulling a spoon out of ice cream. Just like everyone said! The squid hardly
even twitched. I looked at the tiny, pearly beak, and carefully set it aside on
the end table. As I reached out my arm, the squid caressed my swaying breast
with its tentacles. I moaned; the feathery touch was like being caressed by the
most skilled hand imaginable. The tentacles cupped my breast, traced the
underside lightly, fondled my nipple, squeezed just right. It reached up to
grab on with all of its tentacles, and then its mouth started nibbling at my
nipple like the mouth of some perfect incubus. I moaned again and lay down on
the bed; the squid was just making me feel too good. As it sucked harder on my
nipple, making it erect and puckered, its tentacles strayed over and started
caressing my other breast. I was in Paradise!

That's what I thought at least, until the squid started slithering down my body,
making a beeline (or is that squidline?) for my cunt. That's when I knew that
the pleasure had just begun, and I was in the merest antechamber of Paradise.
I think that we can all agree that having a person's mouth on one's privates can
be a more-than-usually pleasurable experience. Now imagine that the mouth
against you is more intimately wet than you are; that it can suck and suck and
suck without the slightest need to come up for air; and that it is equipped not
with a tongue to lick and flutter and caress and probe, but TEN tongues - and
you may get the faintest inkling of what I felt when the squid locked onto my

I could feel the squid's puffy lips clenching on my own, and kneading. And
pulsing. And buzzing. And vibrating. Two of its tentacles chased their tips
around and around and around my throbbing love button. Three tentacles slipped
themselves deep inside my vagina, twining around each other, rubbing my inner
walls into a frenzy. One slick tip was teasing my bottom hole, rimming me
around and around. The other tentacles were clenching against my thighs,
holding on for dear life.

I could feel my pussy throbbing like a giant heart, pulsing with life. I was
wetter than I'd ever been - that poor prairie squid might be in danger of
drowning! I looked down and realized that in its present position, the squid
clamped against my thighs looked like a giant, exotic penis growing out of my
groin. I bobbed my hips up and down, enthralled at the heavy sway and tug of
it, and shivered as I felt the squid get a "better grip" on me. But as
wonderful as the squid's mouth was, I wanted to test its diving ability.

The squid, however, seemed to be awfully eager for the nectar that was flowing
so bountifully from my love crack, and didn't want to let go. I tried tickling
it, but it just wriggled - and sucked even harder. That felt so good that my
eyes teared. I decided I was going about this the wrong way, and started
stroking the squid's barrel, which looks exactly like a huge, albino penis. I
put one hand on each side and rolled it gently back and forth, like a rolling

The squid's sucking paused for a moment, then resumed.

Wetting my fingers in my mouth, I traced them along the base of the glans, and
watched the pink flush of the tip deepen towards red.

The squid's tentacles around my thighs loosened - slightly.

I started stroking the squid up and up and up, releasing at the tip and letting
my hand grab it by the base, sliding along its velvety flesh, feeling it throb
with urgency, harder and harder with each stroke.

Finally the squid seemed to get the idea. Its heavy barrel bobbed down against
my stomach, and its tentacles tippy-toed down my thighs as it slithered into
position to slip deep inside my own briny ocean. As its tip wiggled
delightfully down my belly, I twitched in a mixture of passion and fear. It was
SO big right now - would it fit in the confines of my pussy?

Nature provided most handily. When the squid's barrel tip reached my vagina, it
slithered up and down a few times, as though to "test the waters". Every stroke
sent a new wave of wetness gushing down my thighs. Finally, it started to
insert itself.

It was not a thrust, not a slide, not a wriggle; yet definitely the squid's
barrel was sinking deeper and deeper into me, parting my inner lips, stretching
me, filling me to the brim. That half-dance, half-lunging motion - ah! Now I
knew what it was!

The squid WAM inside of me, and I was transfixed with pleasure - literally. As
the squid's tentacles once again locked around my thighs (except this time
'facing' the other way) I felt jolting, almost painful excitement. The rich
smell of my own cunt mingled with the perfumy/fishy smell of the squid. It was
inside me, swaying to and fro as though still swimming in the deepest sea of my
body. A few tentacles wandered behind its eyes and started caressing my clit
and butt again. I moaned, a long, slow moan that ended with a squeak when I saw
that Les had come into the room. He was naked. His eyes were riveted between
my legs.

I was suddenly conscious of how I must look: sprawled backwards on the bed, my
hips raising and falling of themselves, and inbetween my legs the bright blue
eyes, twining tentacles of and luscious labialike mouth of the squid. With most
of its length buried in my body, it probably looked like my vagina had grown
arms and was trying to escape. The soaked sunburst of russet hair between my
legs mingled with the natural pelt of the squid, enhancing the effect.
Les wasn't fooled though: he knew that what I had between my legs was not some
runaway vagina but the quivering orifice of a prairie squid - and he wanted to
try it himself! His own penis was erect, bouncing eagerly against his belly as
he leaned over the both of us. As he sank down, the squid reached up with its
tentacles and grabbed him, milking at his shaft and bringing droplets of precum
raining down on the squid's eager mouth. Remembering the sucking the squid had
given me, I wondered how it would feel to have it slurping along the length of a
penis, surrounding it, enveloping it ...

Well, Les was determined to find out, and didn't want me to miss a stroke!
Carefully supporting his weight on his arms, he let the squid's dancing
tentacles draw him down to the luscious pouting labia/mouth. It opened, kissing
at him, sucking him, drawing him in. Tentacles cupped his softly furred balls
and grabbed around his thighs as well. We were locked together, joined at the
squid which had a grip on both of us - and didn't seem the least bit interested
in letting go!

We were the ones who let go. As Les thrust, the delightful pressure of him was
transmitted into the walls of my own cunny by the squid, and when I squeezed my
vagina tight, the squid squeezed Les in return. As he pulled back, I could hear
the squid sucking at him, literally inhaling him, encouraging him to come back.
And he did!

With every thrust my passion reached a new peak. My own hands were frantically
caressing my breasts, Les' face, and the squid between us: tickling, wiggling,
cuddling. Les' every moan was more of an explosion as he thrust into the tight,
sucking confines of the squid and me at once. I loved the feeling of this
intimate double penetration, the tentacles still finding every little pleasure
nook between my legs and teasing it to full arousal.

I was greedy for cock. I wished I could have every orifice of my body crammed
with penis - or squid - all at once, all right now! When I saw Doug and David
come in, I thought my fantasy was coming true. Until David held up the light,
and Doug the video camera, and they started filming me, Les and the squid

"Take your clothes off. I want your cocks in me. Please ..." I held my hands out
to them imploringly. Les didn't even miss a beat, lost in the fleshy folds of
the squid. "Please, I want your cocks, I want you to fuck me, fuck me, suck me,
NOW!" My mouth longed to be blasted full of salty seed, my ass was a gaping
abyss that no tentacle could truly stuff, and those fools were just filming it
instead of joining in!

I wanted to scream in frustration, but the anger was transmuted to sweetest,
fullest pleasure by the squid and Les, now both bucking in their final throes of
pleasure. "Oh ... you ... DUMBASSES!" I wailed, and I came. All of the throbbing
inside my cunt united into a single flame that scorched every inch of me,
devouring me, sending me soaring to the ultimate height of pleasure. I heard
Les cry out as he shot his load deep into the hungry maw of the squid, and
collapsed atop me. As we lay there, exhausted, I could hear and feel the squid
sucking Les clean. My eyes were closed, but I heard Doug and David head into
the next room.

The prairie squid sucked the last drop of juice out of Les, and as soon as he
slipped from the confines of his aqueous lover, the squid reversed directions
and started inhaling my own fluids. No wet spot to worry about with this love
beast! Once it had licked every inch of my vagina clean, even slipping its
tentacles deep inside me to fish out the last drops, it started sliding its own
tentacles around its barrel and then stuffing them in its mouth. That was one
satisfied-looking, well-fed squid!

Les and I put our clothes back on and looked in the other room, wanting to ask
Doug and David when we could come back and play with the squid again. I wanted
to yell at them that damnit, they'd had a chance at a sexual experience that
would have blown their minds right out of the points on the top of their tiny
little heads! And they just passed it up! My asshole might never forgive them!
Doug and David were sitting in front of the TV, watching the videotape of me and
Les fucking the squid. Even with the real squid still in the next room, perky as
could be, they were far more interested in the image on their TV screen. They
eyes were slightly glazed. Neither of them noticed we were there.

I looked at Les. He looked at me. I went and tucked the prairie squid into my
jacket, picked up my purse and headed for the door. We'd have to get a pickle
jar ...

I looked behind me as the door closed. "Those idiots probably won't even notice
that it's gone," chuckled Les.

I nodded in agreement, feeling the squid squirm against my T-shirt.


(For more information about prairie squid, visit

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