Once upon a time there was this god of all the Egyptians called Ra,
who always liked to get his asshole reamed out by the god of all the
Vikings, who was named Wotan. One day, while Wotan was forthrightly
plunging his massive, iron-studded blue-veined throbber into Ra's
horribly distended rectal repository, a new kid came by and his name
was Jehovah. Now Jehovah had never seen parochial buttfucking before
and he stopped to watch. Suddenly, the Jews started a massive exodus
from Egypt and this pissed Wotan off, who started throwing giant,
lightning bolt-shaped turds at the Jews, who had just acquired
anti-aircraft artillery because of a time warp. But this one Jew was
trying to become a fag but he was the one that was ordered to be
captain of the first cannon and blast Wotan from the air. Just after
he pushed the red button and the first giant nuclear missile took off
toward the celestial buggering, the Jew who was the captain of that
cannon decided to become a Catholic instead of a homo and started
worshipping the Pope, who was really Satan, according to this other
guy that wasn't a fag and that lived in California but used to have a
cult in Arkansas. Just then Satan appeared and he brought Hitler back
to life from the future and had him holding up the sky like in that
book of Greek Mythology by that one guy. So then Jesus comes by and
asks Hitler if he has a Chesterfield that he could smoke and Hitler
asks Jesus to hold up the sky so he can look in his pocket for one
and Jesus decides to hire these Mormons (some of whom turn out to be
fags) to hold it up instead of him doing it. Just then this god that
nobody ever heard of or even worshipped showed up in this giant
bottle of Jamaican Rum Creme that he had turned into a dick-shaped
hot rod by magic. This new god's name was Zxxqqqqqlna and he was a
billion light years tall and suddenly jerked Wotan's dick out of Ra's
asshole and bit it in two and swallowed half of it. Then Buddha
started jacking off a donkey into Jayne Mansfield's face and they
were in a Corvette that suddenly lost control of its brakes and went
over the cliff and they died, but Jayne Mansfield bit off Buddha's
dick before they died and Zxxqqqqlna cracked up and spit Wotan's half
of a dick back out and it turned into this giant army of creatures
that were really dicks that shot out laser beams instead of cum. So
then Jesus teamed up with Hitler and they turned their dicks into
giant Luger machine pistols that shot out their own shit in the shape
of armor-piercing, hollow-point bullets. But this one guy who wasn't
really dead, but had a funeral and was buried in a grave, but was
really a zombie and he could give himself a blowjob, was in his grave
and had his rotting, worm-riddled dick in his own mouth and was
giving himself a blowjob, which he had done about a million times
since that was all there was to do in that coffin and he had been
buried there four hundred years ago. So he just kept sucking on his
own knob and since all his teeth were rotted out it felt pretty good.
So he finally got to where he was ready to cum all in his own mouth
and then he couldn't because his dick all of the sudden came off
right in his own hand and didn't work any more. So the zombie who was
buried in that coffin couldn't give himself a blowjob anymore and got
real depressed but he couldn't kill himself because he was already
dead. But he just decided to keep his dick that fell off in his mouth
just for old time's sake and so he was rotting and a zombie and
smelled horrible but he kept pretending that he was giving himself a
blowjob.
The End
Original file name: Frontal Assault in Allegro Bast
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