This one time there was this guy who was so fucking stupid he got too
close to the edge when he was walking across the Golden Gate bridge
and he fell off and drowned because he couldn't swim and the water
was so cold and the tide sucked him back out into the ocean where
they couldn't find him. So he floated around for about three weeks
and his body was totally bloated and stank like fourteen
motherfuckers and then an alien from the G-463 Nebula region of outer
space who was chasing a couple of U.S. Air Force fighter planes for
practice saw the floating corpse and levitated it into his space ship
for experiments. After the alien extraced some of the DNA from the
corpse, he discovered that he could create a disease that would wipe
out all of the humans on earth and he made some and sprayed it on the
earth and everybody died. But the professor who had invented that
time machine who was in one of my other stories got there with the
retarded stowaway who was now his partner but not really because he
was too fucking stupid to be a scientist but the professor liked for
the retard to tie him up and shit because Mr. Vikki was already dead.
So the time machine got to where when the alien had killed everybody
but just right after that. So there were all the dead people in the
world and they had just been dead long enough that they weren't
completely rotten yet so the professor thought him and the retard
would have a little fun. So they used their very last rubbers to have
anal sex with all the dead humans they could find and they even did
it with some large hooved animals at this zoo they found, but just
when the retard was helping the professor to fuck a water buffalo
this huge crack appeared in the earth and a giant civilization called
the Oobs came out of it and conquered the world. But they didn't have
to work very hard at it because everybody was dead except the
professor and the fucking retard who the Oobs made their slaves and
made them start a newspaper about how the earth was before all the
humans died so they could know about it. So the professor decided to
kill the retard and present his cut off genitals to the Oobs for a
present so they would let him go but then he realized that he was the
only human left so he committed suicide to not be depressed any more.
The Oobs about cracked up at how fucking stupid the humans were but
then the alien created a antidote to the disease that killed all the
humans but forgot that they were dead for about two weeks now and
when they came back to life they were all rotting and looked like
zombies only they didn't eat the flesh of the living because there
wasn't any real living people left. So they attacked the Oobs and
killed them all and then the whole world was full of zombies.
The End
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Original file name: Part Two Rise of the Zombies
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