Miss Evangela's IRC Sunday School

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>

As the dawn draws near, the little children of Doktor Dobbs' Sunday Night
IRC School for Slackful Children gather close on their mats to listen as
Miss Evangela instructs them with a parable of Dobbs.....

<magdalen> tell the rod and todd story
<Evangela> here's a story of two robots named rod and todd
<Evangela> so rod and todd went to a big school with a lot of little fat
Chinese kids
<Evangela> and all the fat Chinese kids were eating rice from those blue and
white bowls you see in restaurants
<Evangela> all in unison
<magdalen> nani?
<Evangela> they would lift their right hands to shovel rice in their pudgy
little faces
<GovRocknar> "I'm IDAHO!"
<Evangela> shhh
<geezer> heh
<Evangela> and they all looked happy and pleased
<magdalen> evangelaaaaa, geezer isn't shushing!
<Evangela> and as rod and todd floated up in the air...
<magdalen> make him stop
* geezer picks his nose and smiles sweetly
<Evangela> shhh geezer, and stay on your mat
<Evangela> as they floated up in the air they noticed that all the little
fat
kids with their white uniforms and their black hair looked like a big blur
of dots
* magdalen sticks tongue out at geezer
<Evangela> and every time they ate a bite
<Evangela> in unison
<Evangela> the dots would sort of wiggle
<Evangela> and rod and todd floated higher and higher
<Evangela> until the dots formed a shape
<Evangela> vague
<Evangela> and beautiful
<Evangela> it was our friend JR "BOB" Dobbs
<magdalen> oooooooh!
<Evangela> that's right magdelen
<Evangela> ooooooh
<Evangela> rod and todd were sooooooo high
<Evangela> "Bob" seemed to be winking and glimmering
<Evangela> have any of you ever felt that way, children?
<GovRocknar> me
<magdalen> me! me!
<Evangela> that's right
<Evangela> we all have
<Evangela> what do you think happened next?
<magdalen> "Bob" killed them?
<Evangela> nooo
<Evangela> guess again
<magdalen> they killed "Bob"?
<Evangela> noo
<Evangela> a big saucer flew by
* magdalen scratches head and does the pee pee dance
<Evangela> and this saucer
<Evangela> was a bad saucer
<Evangela> full of bad aliens
<magdalen> nooooo!
<Evangela> yes
<GovRocknar> the greys?
<Evangela> rod and todd tried to swim away but the saucer had magnets
<Evangela> and todd forgot his anti magnet shoes
<GovRocknar> did they catch rod and todd and give them an anal probe?
<Evangela> no rocknar, go to the corner
<Evangela> it's your turn to wear the special hat
<GovRocknar> aww....I bet rod and todd are gay...
<Evangela> the pointy one
<GovRocknar> Fine, I'll pretend I'm the Grand Wizard of the KKK.
<magdalen> ooooh, rocknar's in trouuuuuble!
<Evangela> rocknar, do you want to go to the corner where you can hear the
rest of the story or to the principal's office where Stang will make you
clap erasers?
<Evangela> I'm waiting
<GovRocknar> I dunno, them erasers been needin a good cleenin..
<Evangela> alright, then go ahead but all the nice children want to hear the
story, don't you?
<magdalen> shut up rock I wanna hear da STOOORYYY
<Evangela> see?
<GovRocknar> sorry
<magdalen> what's gonna happen ta todd?
<magdalen> you say people gonna DIE?
<Evangela> ok, so the saucers knocked rod and todd so hard with their saucer
that rod and todd lost the ability to float
<Evangela> they started falling
<Evangela> they were becoming less and less high very quickly
<geezer> oh NO
<Evangela> have you ever felt that way?
<Evangela> I have
<Evangela> so
<geezer> I feel that way ALLA TIME
<magdalen> only when the white policemen strap the christmas hat on me
<Evangela> as the face of JR "Bob" Dobbs approached at an incredible speed,
the robot brothers clung to one another and prayed
<magdalen> you know, the ones that are all white with the big big eyes and
no
ears
<Evangela> yes, magdelen, I know, they can be very very scary
<Evangela> THEN!!!
<Evangela> A strange force seemed to catch the robots and lower them toward
"Bob" very gently
<Evangela> like they were sliding
<Evangela> they slid down this air path until they fat little Chinese
students
were again distinguishable
<Evangela> but they weren't lowered into their seats to enjoy some rice of
their own,
<Evangela> NO
<Evangela> the were carried all the way to the corner of the cafeteria where
a
biiiiig fat Chinese lady chef was standing
<Evangela> she had on a white apron and a big white hat and she was smiling
sooo much that her eyes were just lines and her doughy cheeks seemed to
cover her whole face
<Evangela> in her huge pudgy fingers she proudly held a big bag that said
something in Chinese
<Evangela> black words suddenly appeared just below it in mid air like
subtitles
<Evangela> it said "UNCLE BEN'S BOIL IN A BAG RICE"
<Evangela> She smiled benevolently
<Evangela> and pointed at a tv
<Evangela> the tv had crazy Chinese commercial stuff like the Mr. Sparkle ad
<Evangela> and then the screen went black, as if for effect
<Evangela> across the screen words started to type out like when you use a
typewriter, even with the little spots where the ink didn't touch, just
like
on the x-files
<Evangela> rod and todd were mesmerized
<Evangela> the words being typed out changed their lives forever and maybe
yours too if you open your heart to the love
<Evangela> it said "WITH UNCLE BEN'S BOIL IN A BAG RICE, YOU GET MORE BOWLS
FOR YOUR BAG"
<geezer> Yay
<Evangela> rod and todd both knew the value of getting more bowls from their
bag
* geezer bounces up and down
<Evangela> and I guess so did the big fat lunchlady
<Evangela> she was so proud of feeding everyone with just that one bag
<Evangela> so next time you go with your mom to the store tell her to buy
only
UNCLE BEN'S RICE
<Evangela> You'll be glad you did.
<Evangela> THEEEEEE END!!!
* magdalen claps
<magdalen> yay! yay!
<Evangela> Did you all like the story?
<magdalen> uh huh
<geezer> me too
<Evangela> It had a message
<Evangela> Let's talk about that
<Evangela> What do you think stopped rod and todd from falling?
<magdalen> what should we do if we know someone who uses a DIFFERENT kind of
rice?
<Evangela> Well, anyone who uses a different kind of rice is bad
*** PreacherMike has joined #subgenius
<magdalen> ohhh
<Evangela> and people have all sorts of ideas about what to do with bad
people
* geezer squirms
<magdalen> preachermike, what kind of rice do YOU use?
<Evangela> what do your friends think we should do with bad people?
<magdalen> EAT THEM! EAT THEM!
<PreacherMike> i like rice pilaf
<Evangela> Some of my friends believe in loving them
<Evangela> others believe in shooting potatoes from a cannon at them
<PreacherMike> i made some chicken helper with rice and mashed potatos last
week god DAMN was it good
<Evangela> magdelen thinks we should eat them
<magdalen> but was it UNCLE BEN'S brand?
<Evangela> CHILDREN, LET'S STAY ON THE TOPIC
<PreacherMike> i don't know
<PreacherMike> it was prolly chicken helper brand
<Evangela> the topic is the message of our story
<Evangela> what do you think stopped rod and todd from falling?
<Evangela> Could it have been the LOVE of "Bob"?
<Evangela> I sure feel safer with "Bob" around to catch me when I fall, even
if afterwards I can see how I really caught myself.
<Evangela> SO WHAT DID YOU ALL LEARN FROM THIS STORY?
<magdalen> always remember to wear anti magnet shoes
<Evangela> that's right, magdelen
<GoRK> and have lots of secks
<GoRK> lots
<GoRK> oh yeah tons of it
<GoRK> yeah baby yeah!!!!!!!!!1
<Evangela> ok, sunday school is through, don't forget to give "BOB" your
macaroni pictures before your mom and dad get's out of service
<Evangela> and have tons of sex

Praise Dobbs!

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Original file name: Miss Evangela's IRC Sunday Scho - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:36