There's not enough talk about Anthony Newley in this newsgroup. I want
to start hearing more references to GOLDFINGER and the such.
And I want it NOW.
--Rev.Moamosan
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Subject: Re: GRANDMA'S FACE IN ZOOGZ'S CROTCH
From: sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (Sphinx Drummond)
One time I was on vacation in California and this guy came running from
around a corner in downtown Hollywood. He had an envelope in his hand
and handed it to me. He said, "here take these." It turned out that the
envelope contained two tickets to be a part of the studio audience for
a special taping of the "Best of the Hollywood Squares." So we left
Hollywood and drove to beautiful downtown Burbank to the studio where
they tape the show. The STARS in the squares were: Nipsy Russell,
Joanne Worley, Carol Channing, Tip O'Neil, Ringo Starr, Topo Gigio,
Heather Locklear, J.P. Morgan, and Anthony Newley.
Tip O'Neil was asked a question about which movie used the old Shirley
Bassey song - Finger Of Gold, in its soundtrack. Well Tip, being Tip
and all, confused the issue with the old Swingin' Love Corpses song -
Great Big Golden Finger, and started yakkin about that one time when
Caesar got the order confused at Taco Bell and Tip found a finger made
out of gold in his sack. Then when Caesar didn't show up at work for a
whole month, we figured since he was gay, he must have gotten AIDS. So
circle got the square.
Col. Sphinx Drummond
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Subject: Re: GRANDMA'S FACE IN ZOOGZ'S CROTCH
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)
Charlie Weaver to block.
-Joe Newman
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Subject: Re: GRANDMA'S FACE IN ZOOGZ'S CROTCH
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
X-To: Sphinx Drummond <sphinx1@ix.netcom.com>
Was that the time when, after making a swimming pool out of your next
door neighbor's exit wounds, we found the OTHER Mrs. Hollingsworth out in
the back yard mumbling about where Vermont touches England and you said,
"But Mrs. Hollingsworth - Vermont doesn't touch England." And she started
crying and said, "No! Where the LAND of Vermont touches the LAND of England."
And then she sorta shuffled a bit and looked down at the ground and wiped
a tear from her cheek and said, "And them trains come by EVERY day."
SDOXXX
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Subject: Re: GRANDMA'S FACE IN ZOOGZ'S CROTCH
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)
One time Anthony Newley, John Trubee, and three hookers showed up at
my front door, uninvited. When I opened the door, Anthony was waving
a fistful of beets. He said he had just pulled them from his garden, but
I knew he was lying. Anyway, they all barged in, and the hookers headed
for the kitchen and started steaming the beets, while Trubee and Anthony
headed for my record collection and started telling me what an asshole
I was for having all fifty-seven Styx albums. When Trubee came across
my copy of Goldfinger, Newley started trembling and ran for the kitchen.
He came back with a bowl of steaming beets, and began shoving them
down his throat. The hookers came in with laxatives and water, which
he also began inhaling. Soon, the Goldfinger album jacket and all of
my Styx albums were covered with flaming red piss and beetshit. The hookers
began to masturbate, Trubee grabbed a zucchini out of his pocket, and
I went into the next room to catch Bill Shatner on Wrestlemania. They
finally left around three in the morning, and I was late for work the
next day.
They're both assholes, but the hookers were OK.
-Joe Newman
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