A Call to Skeptics, Doubters, Outcasts, Blasphemers, Suppressive Persons,
Squirrels and Squirrelles, and others who actually dare to question the
writings and teachings of the Church of Scientology.
The holy war between the Church of Scientology and the Church of the
SubGenius has been escalating in recent weeks, as Scientologists have
upped their efforts to drive free thinkers such as Reverend Dennis Erlich
off of the Net.
Because organized attacks can best be met with organized resistance, I am
declaring the creation of a SubGenius Online Clench, to be known for the
time being as the Excremeditated Congregation of the Overinflated Head of
L. Ron Hubbard. The primary purpose of this Clench will be to exercise
the right to Free Speech that has been granted to us by Jehovah-1, Alien
Space God from a corporate sin galaxy. All members of this clench are
encouraged to participate in online discussions on Usenet and the rest of
the Internet, to allow the opposition a chance to speak for themselves,
and to encourage free, open, uncensored (and uncanceled) expression of
free speech for all.
Because of their status as true SubGenius ministers, Free Thinkers,
questioners of the writings of L. Ron Hubbard, and thorns in the side of
the Conspiracy, William Barwell (SubGenius Pope of Houston) and Reverend
Dennis Erlich (The Informer) are hereby granted the right to choose an
appropriate title for themselves as spokespersons for this Online Clench,
and for the Church of the SubGenius in general. Any other SubGenii who
wish to join our Clench and participate in the alt.religion.scientology
discussions are, of course, free to do so if they choose.
Those of you who wish to join the SubGenius Online Clench may do so as
Honorary Members. However, it is beyond my power to grant you true
membership as a full-blooded Clench Brother or Sister. This rank can
only be bestowed upon you by the Living Slackmaster himself, J.R. "Bob"
Dobbs, and the only way for you to do so is to join the Church of the
SubGenius - the greatest of he thousand-and-one One True Religions to
infest this great wide world of ours - and become a full-blooded, paid-up
Minister.
If you wish for more information about J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and the Church of
the SubGenius, feel free to email me, or check out alt.slack, the
official newsgroup of the Church of the SubGenius.
Why the Church of the SubGenius is better than the Church of Scientology:
The Church of Scientology wants all your money, but they refuse to admit
it. The Church of the SubGenius wants all your money, and we're PROUD to
admit it.
The Church of Scientology hides its profit-making enterprises behind
tax-exempt status. We are the only religion that pays our taxes
regularly.
The Church of Scientology wishes to suppress the fact that it teaches
belief in aliens who populated the earth millions of years ago. We
hereby acknowledge the fact that SubGenii are, in fact, not human and
part of the true Master Race known as Homo Correctus, descended from
original Yeti stock (as described in REVELATION X: The "Bob" Apocryphon,
Chapter 6). The Yetisyn are descended from alien beings (known as the
Xists) who will in fact be returning to Earth very soon.
The Church of Scientology demands that all Scientologists obey their
Church and that no "squirrels" or Free Zoners be allowed to practice
their religion. The Church of the SubGenius encourages members to break
away and form their own Church IMMEDIATELY after joining and sending
their money to "Bob."
The Church of Scientology demands unquestioning obedience from all
followers of the mighty L. Ron Hubbard. The Church of the SubGenius
demands that all SubGenii think for themselves and allow NO ONE - not even "Bob" - to dictate their thoughts to them. SubGenii are encouraged to
kill "Bob" himself, should we meet him in person, and in fact "Bob" WAS
killed in 1984 (though he returned from the dead a few years later, only
to be killed again and ressurected again).
For more proof of the supremacy of the mighty cult of "Bob," look to
alt.slack and read THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS.
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Subject: Re: Call to Skeptics and Superior Mutants
From: wbarwell@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM (William Barwell)
Modemac <modemac@netcom.com> wrote:
>Because organized attacks can best be met with organized resistance, I am
>declaring the creation of a SubGenius Online Clench, to be known for the
>time being as the Excremeditated Congregation of the Overinflated Head of
>L. Ron Hubbard.
Where's my hat pin! I am going to pop that sucker!
Launch the head!
>All members of this clench are
>encouraged to participate in online discussions on Usenet and the rest of
>the Internet, to allow the opposition a chance to speak for themselves,
>and to encourage free, open, uncensored (and uncanceled) expression of
>free speech for all.
Well, it's not like they can stop us. Not with the Lazarus program
finally in place due to superior mutant #16652324, Homer Smith's
fine efforts to fight the conspiracy with superior mutant tech(tm).
But see Wonderful Russells's latest efforts.
>Because of their status as true SubGenius ministers, Free Thinkers,
>questioners of the writings of L. Ron Hubbard, and thorns in the side of
>the Conspiracy, William Barwell (SubGenius Pope of Houston) and
>Reverend Dennis Erlich (The Informer) are hereby granted the right to
>choose an appropriate title for themselves as spokespersons for this
>Online Clench, and for the Church of the SubGenius in general.
If nominated I will not run, if elected I will not serve. This is a
dictatorship of the masses. Grab ye with both hands sayeth the Lord.
(Hyperclesisans 3:33). Just don't call me late for lunch.
Maybe just sniper first class and leave it at that.
>Any other SubGenii who wish to join our Clench and participate in the
>alt.religion.scientology discussions are, of course, free to do so if they
>choose.
Discordians too.
>The Church of Scientology hides its profit-making enterprises behind
>tax-exempt status. We are the only religion that pays our taxes
>regularly.
The world's first industrial church.
>The Church of Scientology wishes to suppress the fact that it teaches
>belief in aliens who populated the earth millions of years ago. We
>hereby acknowledge the fact that SubGenii are, in fact, not human and
>part of the true Master Race known as Homo Correctus, descended from
>original Yeti stock (as described in REVELATION X: The "Bob"
>Apocryphon, Chapter 6). The Yetisyn are descended from alien beings
>(known as the Xists) who will in fact be returning to Earth very soon.
By damn. You suckers want a Science Fiction religion? Boy have WE got
one for you! And our secrets are sold over the counter cheap, too.
>The Church of Scientology demands unquestioning obedience from all
>followers of the mighty L. Ron Hubbard. The Church of the SubGenius
>demands that all SubGenii think for themselves and allow NO ONE - not
>even "Bob" - to dictate their thoughts to them.
The Church Of The SubGenius. Church for those who need no religion,
leadership for those who will have no leader. A path for those who
will insist on walking on the grass.
>For more proof of the supremacy of the mighty cult of "Bob," look to
>alt.slack and read THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS.
And they think it is the SCIENTOLOGISTS who plan to take over the planet!
Pope Charles
SubGenius Pope Of Houston
Slack!
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