For ten years, The Rudy Schwartz Project has been bringing you the finest in questionable entertainment. This tradition of unbridled obscenity
and guffaws at the expense of idiots and assholes everywhere continues with the release of G|nther Packs a Stiffy, the newest CD by The Rudy Schwartz Project, released through Seeland Records, and available through this very catalog right here. Stupidity is your best entertainment value. Why not purchase some today?
CDs
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G|nther Packs a Stiffy - Includes the best material from the Enhanced Florence Henderson and Yodelin' Satan cassettes, plus an otherwise unavailable cover version of Zoogz Rift's Would You FIB to the FBI? Almost 60 minutes of the most perky cynicism you're ever likely to encounter, except for maybe when Uncle Chuck fetches out the casabas and starts doing his Louis Prima schtick. A truly essential RSP release. $15.
Don't Get Charred... Get Puffy! - If The Rudy Schwartz Project has a Sgt Pepper or an Aqualung or a Frampton Comes Alive or a Jim Nabors' Greatest Hits, this is it. Over an hour of gonad-stomping fun from the band
that didn't bring you Newt Gingrich or prostate inflammations, with five tracks not included on the cassette, including cover versions of Frank Zappa's The Black Page, and Hamilton, Joe Frank, and Reynolds' Don't Pull Your Love. SOLD OUT - Available in cassette format only!!! If you order the cassette, and include a blank tape, I'll dub the bonus tracks for you.
Salmon Dave - A remixed and tweaked version of the 1988 cassette release. A few of the more annoying tracks from the cassette have been deleted and replaced with two tracks from the Plastic Containers Retain Odors cassette (Georgy Girl and Tampon Louie). Plus, a few previously unreleased tracks have been thrown in, including an actual obscene phone message received at Republicancer studios. Decidedly cheesier than the other two CDs, but still worth some hoots. $15
Cassettes
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Enhanced Florence Henderson - Another must for any true degenerate. This tape features a guest appearance by Reverend Ivan Stang, and the lready classic The Dallas Cowboys, Jesus and Me, scheduled to be performed at the 1996 Super Bowl halftime ceremonies and all future Bob Hope specials. If you only buy one cassette, make it this one or Don't Get Charred. $7
Yodelin' Satan - 46 minutes of blasphemous rantings and B-movie music, including incendiary cover art by Roy Tompkins. This cassette provoked my one genuinely creepy hate letter, so I'll always have a soft spot in my heart
for it. Includes Coming To a School Board Near You, Foodplay, and music from movies like Plan Nine From Outer Space. $7
Don't Get Charred... Get Puffy! - The original cassette version. Five tracks
less than the CD, but still one of the most worthwhile Rudy Schwartz cassettes.
Includes Creation Science Polka, An Orange Is Nothing But a Juicy Pumpkin,
Cracklin' Rosie, and many more fun hits guaranteed to get you laid at any church pot-luck. $7
Salmon Dave - Slightly different from the CD version, this is the original
cassette release of the last material from the 4-track era. Includes Ciriciribin,
The Pincushion Man, Pop Song, and many others, including a few really irritating ones not on the CD like Polyps Are Forever. If you have a CD player, you should get the CD version of this instead (~60 minutes) $7
Bowling For Appliances - Out of print on vinyl and soon to be out of print
on cassette. This is the first Rudy Schwartz extrusion to be released by an independent record label. Includes favorites like Bob Eubank Initiation Ritual
and Subsequent Cumbia, Ernest Borgnine Memorial Birthday Party, and Nice Lawn, Asshole. I've only got a few of these left, after which I'll have to
dub them on a per order basis, and they'll become more expensive. Still cheesy 4-track stuff, but much better than Moslem Beach Party and Plastic Containers. This might come out some day on CD, but given how broke I am from the last CD, I'm starting to have my doubts. (~46 minutes) $7
Moslem Beach Party - Back in print. Sort of. Since people have asked, I'm making this piece of shit available again. Includes long-time Rudy Schwartz
favorites like Kill For God, Raspberry IUD, and Asparagus Makes Your Urine
Smell Funny. Be forewarned that this is the cheesiest of all Rudy Schwartz
cassettes. But some people still consider it the best. There's no accounting
for taste. Since I don't want to have a whole bunch of these manufactured,
your copy will be dumped to a Maxell XL-II cassette or a tape of comparable
grade, and the original insert will be included. For completists only. (~60 minutes) $11.
Plastic Containers Retain Odors - Also being resurrected from the grave is
this 1986 release. Includes I Married Bob, You Can Become a Republican Too, and I Got a Sheep Out Back. Same deal as Moslem Beach Party; I'll dump it to a tape of reasonable quality and include the original insert.
Don't get this unless you're enthralled by low-tech MIDI goofiness of the
most primitive sort. You've been warned. (~46 minutes) $11.
Droplets on the Rim - This is a collection of outtakes from over the years,
unreleased tracks, other bands I've been involved with, plus a few songs from the only live Rudy Schwartz performance ever likely to occur. This is
priced to discourage you from ordering it. Of all the stuff in this catalogue,
this is by far the biggest pile of horse vomit. It's 90 minutes long; it's
lo-fidelity, it's mostly unlistenable, and you shouldn't buy it. If you do,
it'll be dumped to a Maxell XL-II cassette or something similar. You'll regret it. I'm not kidding. $11
How to order:
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All prices include postage and handling. Please send a check or money order drawn in U.S. dollars. Make checks payable to 'Joe Newman,' and send your order to:
The Rudy Schwartz Project
P.O. Box 4542
Austin, TX 78765
Most orders are shipped one day after they are received. Please write clearly.
For shipment to Canada please add 10% to your total. For all other international
orders, please add 20%. Thanks!
Original file name: Rudy Scwartz Project
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