Boing Boing BLAST #26
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
****************************************************************** bOING bOING Mini-FAQ
1. I subscribed but I haven't gotten an issue for a long time. Are you cheating me?
Answer: We would never cheat anyone nice enough to subscribe! If you have moved without leaving a forwarding address, then your issues will not arrive, since they are sent bulk mail. Please send or email your address change (see end of this FAQ) to us and we will make sure you get your copy.
If you haven't received issue number 15 yet, that's because we are still working on it. You should start checking your mailbox in early Fall. (If you *have* received issue number15, then please send it to us immediately, so we can copy from it and finish the darn thing.)
2. Where can I get bOING bOING?
Answer: We used to make it available on newsstands, but now the only way to get it is by sending us $5 for a single copy. Due to the infrequent publication schedule, we do not offer subscriptions.
3. Can I contribute to bOING bOING?
Answer: Sure! But no poetry or fiction, please. And we like email submissions best (unless it is hand-drawn art). Submit your work to firstname.lastname@example.org.
4. How do I contact you?
11288 Ventura Blvd #818
Studio City CA 91604
5. Do you have a Web site?
Answer: Yes -- http://www.well.com/user/mark
Back to document index
Original file name: Boing Boing BLAST #26
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.