Another contribution to SubGenius Dogtrine:
I found myself asking these questions:
What's the deal with the Yacatisma? Why are they so eager to pulverize
Earth? Is it just that they want to savour the purity of
all-encompassing slaughter, fear, pain, horror, and etcetera?
Then I found myself answering them:
The Yacatisma are partially a COMMUNICATIVE SYSTEM: the Elder Gods'
equivalent of a wake-up call. The pulverization of surrounding matter
and lifeforce is to do with remotivation - it's like the boosting
required for the signals on a long distance call. But that's not
all. Here's the deal:
Their constant self-refabrication (technically known as
VULGAROTROPISM) on a larger and larger scale is reaching its late
stages - as they approach Earth, the biggest Yacatismate (The
Antepenultimate Collapsor) has almost accumulated enough matter to
begin crunching down to a black hole (the ULTIMOVULGARITY POINT). If
the Xists don't arrive in time, the wholesale rape of Earth will allow
a Yacatismal SUCK/BLOWFEST to begin: the matrix of previously
constructed holes will be partially activated, causing the debris of
their previous galactobludgeonings to be squirted, spewed and squeezed
via black/white hole couplings. This is the initial (grey) phase of
UNIVERSAL HOMOGENIZATION. [The increasing prevalence of human contact
with the "Greys" is caused by the Elder Gods' uncontrollable
supraliminal psychikook babble anticipation of this stage - which also
explains the incoherence typically associated with such encounters.]
If successful, the Yacatisma fleet will then begin the process of
building the Penultimate Collapsor - the "somabulodessicatorizer" of
the Elder Gods. This works through application of the matrix of oozing
matter to the vibrational eldritcha that are the Gods, massaging them
gently awake. By this time this is linked into the matrix, homogenization
will have reached such a stage (pink) that there is no change of a
recurrence of the Dream Plagues: there won't be enough STRUCTURE left
in the universe.
The Elder Gods regard the Yacatisma as no more than a handy domestic
appliance - a very versatile one. Besides being an alarm call, they
also fetch the groceries. Hence the Ultimate Collapsor - the one
that creates the time intersection. This is due to the HANGOVER of the
Elder Gods. The sdoG redlE evitageN, in this metaphorical sense, are two
asprin. And with that snap back into sobreity, our universe is destroyed.
The Earth is a natural next target in the homogenification
matrix. But there are plenty of other options. Sure, if the Xists
arrive first, they have to go build another black hole in a duller
place (no PAIN to inflict). But they've got a stockpile of victim
power (due to their highly successful victim breeding program, which
has created a race of small, ugly, pallid toad-like creatures called
the Wymppx, that are persistently bullied by slightly larger, ugly,
pallid, toad-like creatures called the Bollochs) and a bursting
VULGARITY BLADDER.
Thanks to "Bob", we've got a chance. But if the blend isn't
satisfactory, the party's over: JHVH-1 is already on its last sixpack,
and it might as well let the Yacatisma get on with their program.
So I really ought to get my 30 dollars together.
Yrs. oracularly,
Mr. Pete
Up one level
Back to document index
Original file name: SCI.01
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.