KURUNGUDOU, ZAIRE REPUBLIC
S-G NEWS SERVICE
The long missing, muummified left testicle of Bohandas has finally been located. It is in a small village in Zaire where it is worshipped as a powerful talisman and a protector of all against the dreaded Ebola Virus.
Sources we unclear as to how the sexual organ of a Finno-Ugaric Yetimaster showed up in Central Africa, but it has been here for almost fifty-five years. The atrophied, wrinkled bollock is about the size of a baseball now but scientists agree that when extant it must have had the dimeNsnions of a regulation, slow-pitch softball.
Bohandas, to those familiar with this demi-mythical personage, was famous for the size of his genital organs and his prowess in battle as well as his numerous bastard children. Indeed there are entire regions of the world where almost EVERYONE is a descendant of Bohandas (or so they claim).
Contacted at the Foundation Headquarters, Rev. Dr. Ivan Stang was quoted as saying that this proof of Bohandas' existence fills in a lot of gaps in the sequence of happenings in the long distant past when the Yeti were supreme beings on this little green planet of the clocks. "Now that we have come this far we are planning on pushing further into the heart of the Dark Continent and hopefully we will find the remains of Mongo Faugh-faugh Faugh, who had even bigger cojones than Bohandas. Who knows? We may even find proof of N*** G***!" Stang said.
Meanwhile, scientists in the field are examing the sacred relic while a covey of very protective shaman priests watch everything closely to ensure that no harm comes to their sacred object of veneration. Foundation field anthropologistas are interviewing all elderly inhabitants attempting to fix some sort of chronological framework on the cloudy epoch of the arrival of the testicle. A very popular version of the account says it was a gift from a white man whose life the tribe saved after his airship (apparently a dirigible) came down in the jungle. The accounts all vary on any sort of coherent description of the white man, but they ALL agree on one thing. He smoked a pipe, incessantly.
G. Gordon-Gordon, (Merc. Merc.) Pope of the Southern Hemisphere (P.O.S.H.) Member Worshipful Order White Masters [M.W.O.W.M] Greenhelle Sub-Genius Missionary Outreach Program
& Weapons Brokerage, Pty., Ltd. (you were warned!)
"Won't be here when this shithouse goes down!" WSB
"Give me the antidote...or KILL me!" GGG
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Original file name: The Left Testicle Of Bohandas
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