---------- Forwarded message ----------
Subject: Subject: FWD>COMPUTER VIRUS'S
>ATTENTION! THE FOLLOWING IS A LIST OF NEW COMPUTER VIRUSES THAT ARE LURKING.
>BE ALERT!! (the world needs more lerts...).
>BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then
rre-attaches it. Unfortunately, the area is permanently disabled.
>OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,
aand then slowly expands back to 200MB.
>AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you
>MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too
mmuch for the AT&T virus.
>PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around.
IIt warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.
>POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
rrefers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
>RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of
hhow old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a consultant about possible alternatives.
>ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just
bbefore the whole damn thing quits.
>MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
>TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
>ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates your session and then disappears.
IIt'll be back.
>DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child
pprocess without joining a binary network.
>DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Thers sumthin rong wit yur komputer, butt ewe
jjsut cant figyour it out!
>GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
ssoftware says everything is fine.
>NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
ppeople really mad just thinking about it.
>FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
llittle units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
>GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent
oof their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent
>margin of error.)
>TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't!" whenever you choose
""Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
>TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
>ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
>CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits
eerratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other
>side for the problem.
>AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data ends up in Singapore.
>FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard.
>PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes asking for more money.
>ELVIS VIRUS: Makes your computer get fat and lazy, then self destructs;
oonly to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across America.
>OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to suddenly become a paper shredder.
>NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
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