ScalySex: The FAQ

ScalySex: The FAQ

From: (Modemac)

[NOTE from Modemac: I haven't found the prairie squid FAQ yet. Someone's
going to have to make one up!]

[ Article crossposted from ]
[ Author was Tanith Tyrr ]
[ Posted on Tue, 9 May 1995 06:49:57 GMT ]

The newsgroup rec.pets.herp has excellent information on the proper care
of reptiles. The FAQ's are particularly good, and might be of help if
you are seeking to use snakes to enhance your love life.

I hope this information will be of help to people who are considering
using reptiles for the purposes of sexual stimulation. I am a semi-pro
herpetologist, though not much of a zoophile; so I've had to exercise my
imagination a ways to produce something that might be of some help....

Please be aware that penetration of a snake, penile or digital, will
cause internal injury and harm to the delicate internal structures of the
cloaca. Also, the immediate reptilian reaction to cloacal dilation and
stimulation (sometimes done by veterinarians in the case of constipation)
is to evacuate its bowels, which are full of gram-negative bacteria.

Insertion of a reptile head into the vagina or anus will cause serious
injury to the animal, as their skulls are comparatively fragile, and your
muscular spasms will probably crush them. Though snakes can endure oxygn
deprivation for much longer than mammals can, it is not recommended.

Insertion of a reptile tail is not a problem for the reptile, but may be
a problem for you. In many species, the scale structure is such that
rubbing against the grain will erect the rough or cutting edges of the
individual scales.

One species comes notably to mind as being suited for use as a
sexual "partner". Helodermus suspectum (the Gila Monster) has a thick
tail that is ridged and bumpy, and unlike most lizards, its tail is
sufficiently strong and muscular to support the weight of the animal.
Individuals of this genus are notably docile and can be handled with
ease once tamed. However, if a miscalculation is made and you stimulate
the reptile to bite, this could obviously be a problem. Unfortunately
for bestiality practicioners, no other lizard has a tail suitable for
extensive handling. I am not, incidentally, kidding; I own a beautiful
captive-bred pink phase Gila that is very docile and who would be an
ideal partner for someone interested in such things.

To anticipate the queries, no; I do not use this animal personally in
that manner, and you may NOT borrow this valuable specimen. When I breed
him, it will be to a female of his subspecies. Unless you can guarantee
to lay viable h. suspectum eggs, you cannot mate with my lizard. Sorry.
Note - if you think you *can* lay viable eggs, please do contact me - he
needs a mate! :>

Boas are a generally docile (and more commonly kept) species, and their
scales are not cross-grained. Tail insertion (the snake's tail into your
orifice) is possible if the animal is a female and does not have the
sharp ventral spurs that characterize a mature male.

Almost all snake species are suitable for petting and friction; i.e,
allowing to crawl around the body. Lizard's tails, with the exception of
helodermus suspectum, are not suitable for sexual stimulation; but they
also may be allowed to crawl on the body.

Handling your reptile in a (responsibly) sexual manner is not abuse, as the
reptile does not know or care whether it is crawling across your arm or
your genitals. However, please be aware that many sexual acts depicted
or written about involving reptiles IS abuse of the animal, and may
injure it severely. I'm not being judgemental here; this is hard
veterinary fact. Specifically, the prohibited acts are:

Penetrating the reptile's cloaca
Inserting a reptile's head into your anus or vagina
Restraining the animal and stressing it (making it squirm frantically)
for extended periods of time or frequently (weekly or more often).
Insertion of a lizard's tail (except h. suspectum) in your anus/vagina

Though experienced herpetoculturists and veterinarians can probe-sex a
specimen by inserting a tiny metal probe into its cloaca, this is a
stressful experience for the reptile, and VERY DANGEROUS for the amateur
to perform. The veterinarian I work with has seen numerous cases of
injury, bowel ulceration and death on snakes that have been improperly
probed by amateurs. In addition, a snake's cloaca is not safe for you to
insert yourself into, as it is typically full of gram-negative and
sometimes gram-positive bacteria in quantities that do not necessarily
harm the reptile, but that can make a human very ill. The additiion of
cloacal spurs and sharp-edged scales in some species makes this very
inadvisable indeed, if not downright self-punishing.

Sexual acts that will NOT injure a reptile:

Friction of the reptile against your body
Insertion of a docile, non-stressed snake's tail in your vagina or anus.

Tail insertion warnings: many species have sharp scales, making them
unsuitable for such uses. Do not under any circumstances insert a
snake's tail in your anus or vagina beyond the cloacal opening, for two
reasons. One: Your muscular spasms may injure the reptile's internal
organs, beyond that point. Two: A snake's defecate contains trace
quantities of potentially harmful bacteria, most notably salmonella.
Zoonoses (the transmission of disease from animal to human) is rare with
reptiles, but when it does happen, fecal contamination is usually the
cause. Even healthy specimens may have trace quantities of such
bacterium present in their intestines. Almost any snake's response to
being stimulated in the cloacal area is to defecate; so be aware of
this. Condom use is a possibility to avoid fecal contamination.

Serious questions will be answered if asked; though I do believe I have
covered the full range of non-harmful sexual activities possible with
reptiles. Personal questions will be ignored; to reiterate, I am a
serious herpetologist, not a bestialitist. I don't judge what you do; I
just offer guidelines for the sake of the reptiles' safety.

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