HOMO TEST

From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Fri, Sep 21, 2001 11:21 PM

Tests to determine if you are a Homo

1. [TRUE/FALSE]

Hundreds of homos lead normal, happy lives.

There is no shame in being a homo.

Homos are weak and easily beat up.

Groups of homos are dangerous and will try
to take off your clothes and kill you.

Homos like to kidnap little boys and marry
them.

Homos know all the latest dance steps and
have great stereo equipment.

Homos never say their prayers.

Homos cry if you're mean to them.

The only way to kill a homo is with a silver
bullet.

2. [WORD ANALYSIS]

Do you think of yourself as:

A Man?
A Human Being?
A Homo Sapiens?

When you order a glass of milk, do you ask
for:

Skim?
Pasteurized?
Homogenized?

When you are with friends, do you think of
the group as:

Compatible?
Simpatico?
Homogeneous?

Do you think of the indigent as:

Panhandlers?
Deadbeats?
Homeless Hoboes?

If you were travelling, would you stay at a:

Bed & Breakfast?
Motel?
Hotel?

3. [MATCHING]

pair the items that go together best
A B
maroon velvet drapes tan chamois bodyshirt
black chintz bedspread wheat colored jeans
mauve colored turtleneck white satin sheets
U.S. Marines uniform Spandex jockstrap
taupe corduroy knickers Oriental scatter rugs
powder-blue pullover navy-blue double-breasted blazer
black leather briefs hickory riding crop

4. [BIBICAL LITERATURE]

identify the top five characters you identify with

Abel Cain Ham
Lot Onan Esau
Sodomites Gomorrahns Nebudchanezzar
Jesus King Herod Judas
Samson Delilah John the Baptist

5. [OTHER LITERATURE AND AUTHORS]

Godot Capt. Ahab Hamlet
Puck Tinkerbell Peter Pan
Sherlock Holmes Dr. Watson Mr. Hyde
Lestat Dr. Frankenstein Marquis de Sade
Truman Capote Oscar Wilde Socrates

6. [LINGERING LATENCY]

When you were a child, did you believe in:

God?
Santa Claus?
The Tooth Fairy?

When you were a child, and played doctor, what kind of
doctor were you:

Gynecologist?
Throat specialist?
Proctologist?

Who's death did you find most upsetting:

Richard Nixon?
John Belushi?
Rock Hudson?

When did you stop breast feeding:

Eighteen months?
Eighteen years?
Ooh, ick?

What is your favorite fruit:

Whole grapes?
Sliced peaches?
Whole bananas?

7. [HAVE YOU EVER?]

Slipped and fallen while taking a shower
and landed on a lemon?

Accidently sat on a shot glass while
playing strip poker?

Gotten "trapped" while vacuuming in the nude?

Been tied face down to a bed, and abandoned.

[SCORING]

If this test makes you think about scoring, then
you are probably a homo.

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Original file name: HOMO TEST - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:30