Pepper Dick

From: Dave White <David.White@one.at>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Nov 15, 2001 4:29 AM

Last night I found out that genitorture is denifitely not my thing.

I was making a tomato-based spaghetti sauce, seasoned with basil,
garlic, and viciously hot little peppers we bought in Italy a few years
ago. These little dried red peppers have been cheerfully drying and
ageing in an airtight glass for two years now; the only mould that could
grow on them would be one of those sulfur-metabolizing species normally
only found in deep-sea volcanic trenches.

I squished three of them into my sauce, since I was in the mood for
something between really, really hot and, say, what a Thai would eat for
lunch on a really hot, humid day.

Then I made a fateful mistake. I went to take a leak.

The burning sensation became gradually more intense over the next few
minutes, causing my manmeat to shrink as if I had just dived into
ice-cold water. I wish I could report that I jumped around like Jerry
Lewis, but I instead sat down on the couch and tried to bear the pain
sotically.

Two minutes later, I rushed to the bathroom sink and carefully washed my
hands and my aching cock with soap and water. Evidently not well enough,
however -- some of the vicious pepper oil found its way into my urethra,
making the previous pain seem like a walk in the park.

Soon I was upstairs, washing my prick with copious soap and water in the
shower. After a few minutes, the burning subsided a little, and my wife
came home. I told her about what happened, and she examined my penis
carefully. She tried sucking on it a little, but the residual pepper oil
made it too hot for her to keep in her mouth.

So, remember, kids:

*always* wash your hands *thoroughly* after handling hot dried peppers.
Otherwise...

std::
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Subject: Re: Pepper Dick
From: "Col. Sphinx Drummond" <sphinx@subgenius.com>

Next time try cleaning your dick with turpentine, it cuts right through the
oils. Then dry your dick off with sand paper but blot don't rub.

-Col. Sphinx Drummond TWSR
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Subject: Re: Pepper Dick
From: thereheis99@hotmail.com (Rev. Crawford)

Dave White <David.White@one.at> wrote in message news:<3BF38AE0.8070207@one.at>...

> *always* wash your hands *thoroughly* after handling hot dried peppers.
> Otherwise...

Dr. Wilt suggests intra-urethral injections of Noxema via a cake-icing
syringe to alleviate symptoms in such cases.

-C
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From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

I find that soaking dicks in vinegar will remove any hot pepper oils
gently and thoroughly. I agree with the sand paper trick though.

We should make public awareness buttons that say "BLOT DON'T RUB" and
wear them everywhere so people know how to dry off their dicks with
sandpaper properly. Who knows how many people rub? Who'd admit to it?

Her Ladyship Lilith

--
\m/ -=8=- http://lilith.foolspress.com/ -=8=- \m/
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From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>

Sounds like that time about eight years ago...I had turned 21 just a few
months earlier...I'm walking home REALLY REALLY drunk, across one of the
copious Steel City bridges, over a mile and a half home. I stagger in the
door totally pissed and hungrier 'n' hell. So there's cold pizza in the
fridg and I get out a couple of slices and put 'em in the oven. And I think
"I LOOOOVE hot pepper seeds on MY pizza, where are they" and there was a bag
of WHOLE dried red chilles I had bought from the Indian food market around
the corner. So I grab a whole handful of them and plop them in the blender,
and of course the first thing my drunk self forgot was that blenders need
the top on before you hit the "frappe" button.

I was instantly sober, which was a feat; I had downed nearly half a fifth of
snakebites earlier.

Needless to say, the air was instantly full of dried red chilli pepper dust,
in my eyes, up my nose, on my lips, on my tongue, and when I ran upstairs
and got in the shower, my labia started screaming too. Every mucous
membrane was on nuclear fire. The shower lasted an hour. I got downstairs
still hungry and aching, and my damn pizza was charcoal.

alliekatt
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From: John Starrett <jstarret@carbon.cudenver.edu>

I've done the same thing with habaneros. But you know what? You can
get used to it.

John Starrett

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Original file name: Pepper Dick - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:30