Subject: Re: A True Story

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Sep 24, 2001 12:23 PM
Message-ID: <240920011223221075%stang@subgenius.com>

In article <3BAEC7F4.FDA17DB9@carbon.cudenver.edu>, John Starrett
<jstarret@carbon.cudenver.edu> wrote:

> Legume wrote:
> >
> > John Starrett wrote:
> >
> > > I just got a visit from the police.
> >
> > I called the cops on some of my neighbors as well, they were shooting the
> > doves my wife feeds off the roof of my garage with a pellet gun. I knew the
> > cops (young ones) were pals with the creeps, and I told the cops in my most
> > serious hardass Hannibal Lector tone, "if you don't take care of this, I am
> > going to go over there and teach them the true meaning of cruelty". I
> > imagine the cops told them, "that guy is half-nuts".
> >
> > Problem solved, not a peep from them again.
> <snip>
>
> Do you have the look? I mean **the look**? I think that is important
> to make that kind of threat credible. Unfortunately, I have a sort
> of *kindly* mad scientist look, Einsteiney hair, Letterman gap
> teeth. Maybe I could convince them I have anthrax tipped stillettos
> in my wing tips. Or DMSO and Salvinorin.

As you've probably been told by now, Dr. Legume, though a gentle soul
even when at the thumbscrews, IS indeed capable of generating not only
THE Look, but several even more advanced looks, such as the "These
Aren't the Droids You're Looking For" look, the "mindless raping brute
animal" look, and my favorite, the "Stanley Kubrick Crazy Killer
Under-Brow Fiendish Grin" a la key scenes in Full Metal Jacket, The
Shining and A Clockwork Orange.

I don't normally have The Look but apparently it comes over me when I
get really mad, and it works. I have never struck another person but
there are times when I am definitely, truly, ABOUT TO DO SO, and if
they aren't too drunk, even the densest fool can tell I really have
"lost it" and am probably not less concerned about my own well being
than my immediate goal of KNOCKING THEIR FUCKING TEETH OUT OF THEIR
MOUTH.

Human fight or flight response is a damn powerful brew, when it can
have that instant werewolf effect on someone who is normally a geeky
little wimp.

ANGER is the key. I doubt if I could have fooled any of these fools for
long had I not been TRULY pissed off. In fact I surely would have
gotten my butt kicked otherwise. But true anger makes my eyes bug out
and I puff up much like the mighty Toady-Frog does when threatened.
When the vein on my forehead starts glowing and the blood strarts
running out the corners of my eyes, that's when the biggest
devival-crashers usually decide hassling me is not worth it.

The cop dispatcher probably heard it in your voice when you first
called, that's why they were more concerned about you being the creep.
Sometimes, the person doing the complaining IS the creep.

When I lived in a ghetto apartment in '99, there was a nasty crazy man
down the hall who called the police on anybody who had a party. The
cops knew him well... eventually the landlord evicted the tattle tale
creep. Actually she told me she moved him to a special set of
apartments where they funnel ALL their creeps. So an all-creep
apartment in Dallas exists somewhere. What do you want to bet, we have
at least one dues paying Member in that apartment.

But not the kind that comes to X-Day.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: A True Story
From: none@yerbiz.com (Legume)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Sep 24, 2001 4:07 PM
Message-ID: <Xns9126A425A9414CortezLegume18465086@24.12.106.199>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:

> As you've probably been told by now, Dr. Legume, though a gentle soul
> even when at the thumbscrews, IS indeed capable of generating not only
> THE Look, but several even more advanced looks, such as the "These
> Aren't the Droids You're Looking For" look, the "mindless raping brute
> animal" look, and my favorite, the "Stanley Kubrick Crazy Killer
> Under-Brow Fiendish Grin" a la key scenes in Full Metal Jacket, The
> Shining and A Clockwork Orange.

And let's not forget the "sincere and thoughful man who would babysit your
children and never dream of selling them to a Mexican shoe factory" look,
which also works for getting pussy.

> I don't normally have The Look but apparently it comes over me when I
> get really mad, and it works.

I seen it! His eyes gleam like a rabid weasel, and I've seen big mean
drunks cower before him.
--
----------------------------------
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

Looking for the New World
and the Palace in the Sun

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Original file name: Re- A True Story - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:30