Peein' in Austin, Texas?

From: (StimpyNRen)
Date: 13 May 1995

>>Hi, I live in Austin Texas and I am new to watersports. Is there anyone
>>who would want to teach me the ropes? I am open to anything. I'm a 19
>>year old college student

>>Uh, Joe--I leave this one for YOU...

>> Joe:
>>Sorry, I'm booked through August. I'll refer this person to the
>>Hyde Park Baptist Church. I hear they're running a special.

>>Hyde Park Baptist Church:
>> We regret to inform you that we know nothing about water sports and
>>furthermore, we think you are all going to burn, so we will pass this on
>>to the proper authorities.

>>Hyde Park Police Dept.:
>> Sorry. This is too big a deal for us. We're passing it on to the Big

>>Federal Bureau of Investigations:
>>We apologize for the inconvenience, but all our operatives are currently
>>busy either bugging the president's phone line again or getting coffee and
>>donuts at the bakery downtown. Please try again later.

>>Bob's Coffee Shop & Bakery:
>>Water sports is it? Well we don't know anything about water sports, but
>>there's a rock n roll star called Zoogz Rift who knows something about it
>>because we listen to his music here all the time and he once made an album titled
>>"WATER" so we're passing the buck on to him.


Slackfully Yours, Doktor Zachary Carleton
Clone For "Bob"
Church With Long Name


Subject: Re: Austin, Texas?
From: (Matt Alexander)

Oh, come on guys... you all _know_ that if you want to learn about water
sports, who do you go to? The Girl Scouts, obviously!

Yes, those little green bereted little snots standing on the street
corner dealing snack foods. You'd never guess beneath those sashes and
domestic-service badges beats the hearts of a NATION of UBERCHILDREN.

Don't believe me? (bastard!) Listen: Approach the child, preferably
without sudden movements, and purchase a box of Peanut-butter Patties.
Examine the photograph on the box. Read the back of the box. Look at the
photo again. Drop to your knees and praise "BoB" in the manner you prefer
until the cops arrive.

Trust me on this one.

-><- Matt Alexander "Stays crunchy in milk"

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew
them like applesauce they taste more like prunes than a rhubarb does.
Now, uh.. Now you tell me what you know." -Marx


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