Subject: Re: Easter

From: (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)

Jim Cser ( wrote:
: Okay, what's the deal with Easter -- Jesus rises from the dead,
: and there's six more weeks of Lent if he *sees* his shadow, or
: is it the other way?

No, in six weeks we get to cut off the top of his head, scoop out the seeds,
cut out some neat scary facial features, and hide him in the yard for the
kids to try to find. If they find him, they get to hang him from the ceiling
and smack him with sticks until he busts, and all the goodies come spilling
out. And if they don't find him, we cook a turkey instead. Either way, we
take Monday off and get drunk on green beer, since he drove the Irish out of

: Also, am I going to hell now?


The bus isn't here yet.


Subject: Re: Easter
From: (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)

Joe Richardson ( wrote:
: To: (Jim Cser)
: Subject: Easter

: J>Okay, what's the deal with Easter -- Jesus rises from the dead,
: >and there's six more weeks of Lent if he *sees* his shadow, or
: >is it the other way?

: I don't know. And I don't really care. I thought that was
: Groundhog's day? Or is that just the non-christian version made up so
: everybody could blindly follow their narrow-minded traditions?

/ \ _0
/ _\_|________________o
/ | /
o /
o /
o /
troll! J

Whatdya think? Is he too small? Should we throw him back?
"Ready! Fire! Aim!"

: J>Also, am I going to hell now?

: Yes, and I'll see you there!

: ****-Afrojoe-**** Master of Hair |
: -- . --
: -|--\
: |
: ------/

: ---
: , QMPro 1.53 , Death is not the end; there remains the litigation


Subject: Re: Easter

you@somehost.somedomain (Heather wiatrowski) writes:

> What kind of place is heaven if Jesus is looking at your butt?

God is EVERYWHERE. This includes UP YOUR ASS. My Sunday School Teacher
told me so.

"you@somehost.somedomain", huh?

TRUE origin of Easter Bunny

From: (Purple Kitty)
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995

[A crosspost from one of my favorite newsgroups. Not only do we talk
about one of my favorite bands (if you haven't heard MM, you're missing
out seriously), but everyone's either antireligion or satanist (MM could
be described as a healthy combo of the two). Hence, this gem...]

From: (IronRoad)

Our modern shopping-mall culture's tradition of an Easter
Bunny was actually started on Gaelic Oestre, when one
particularly drunk Pagan fellow started ramming dove eggs
up a sacrificial rabbit's ass. It was supposed to be a new
symbolic way to kill the animal: the vessels of life returning
inward and creating death from within. But this resilient
little rabbit would have none of it. When they laid the bloated
bunny down to die at the base of a giant phallic altar, it
suddenly jolted up and started madly hopping around. As it
hopped, it forced the eggs out of its ass. People chased it
and chased it, so it ended up dropping eggs in the most
unsuspected places. Hence, for days people were still finding
the shit-caked eggs and eating them for the "Oestre Rabbit's"
supposed power to grant immortality. This was the foundation
of our modern egg-hunts.

After the bunny had gotten most of the eggs out of its ass, its
internal bleeding started to slow it down. The person who
caught it happened to have a giant erection at the time. He
saw the bunny's pink bleeding asshole and thought it a great
act of supernatural power to thrust in his rod. The bunny used
the last of its life to kick its giant feet fervently against the
man's groin, which really didn't help the bunny. It just made it
vibrate faster and faster, giving the man an incredible orgasm.
As his cum shot, the bunny went limp...but his dick DIDN'T. If
fact, he kept the dead bunny on his dick for nearly a week, and
his erection maintained itself the whole time. People would
jealously see this man walking around with a sizable bulge in
his pants, an even larger smile on his face, and the dead bunny's
feet sticking out above his belt. This is where our tradition of
the lucky rabbit's foot comes from.

Happy Oestre everyone!



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