firstname.lastname@example.org (Donna Kossy) writes:
* It may seem as if females have been brainwashed into making
*themselves into Barbie clones, [...] but
* in her true, unadorned natural form Yeti woman is so
*overwhelmingly powerful that to look on her without the mask of
*"femininity" would be unbearable. No man has yet looked on Yeti woman in
*her transcendent form and lived. *This whole controversy about women
* membership in the Church of the SubGenius is missing the point.
*All we have to do is define:
* 1) Slack and 2) SubGenius
See? It's impossible -- meeting adjourned. OR ON THE OTHER HAND...
Let's get "Back to "Bob"" Gals, if you read Church Pamphlet #1 and
if the Crystal Slipper of Slack fits, then add Prince Pink Charming to
your trophy case of Short Term Hubbies (but only after having him
appraised for Net Asset Value.) Tell him he can "paint your house"
and then watch the expression his face when you hand him the bucket
and brush! Whatever you do to a Pink, just remember, they deserve it.
The Pinks made this "society" and they run it, so whatever you do
to bend the rules in your favor is OK.
It seemed to me that Sinead O'Connor must be a SubG on account of
tearing up a picture of the Pope. Roseanne Arnold may behave like
a Yeti but she just does whatever her handlers tell her to -- a true
SubG would never be so obedient. Cyndi Lauper is a definite SubG.
If everyone thinks you've got a bad attitude, then you're probably
a SubG. Living in a World Without Slack is the leading cause of that.
If you'd rather relax in the safety of *your* *own* delusions, then
your probably a SubG. The Pinks try to force you to live in the
world of *their* *Pink* delusions.
SubG's are people who want to be adolescent all their life long,
BUT WITH NONE OF THE PAIN! So just go ahead and make yourself
beautiful or handsome through hypnosis (self-hypnosis if necessary.)
PAIN NOT A VIRTUE. HAPPINESS IS A VIRTUE.
Lastly, with respect to women: They live longer than men and they
have three times as many erogenous zones. Sounds like JHVH-1 gave
them an advantage in the quest for Slack!
Arch-Epopt of the Exploding Head of John F. Kennedy and Luv Priest to the Gods!
My skull is bigger on the inside than the outside! J.R. "Bob" Dobbs is my load.
Ob-Bulldada: Send $1 to SubGenius Foundation, P.O. Box 140306, Dallas TX 75214
Subject: Re: Barbie clone
From: email@example.com (NENSLO)
But what I wonder about is THE SMELL. That's one thing none of
the Yeti Women seem to want to mention. THE SMELL. Are they ashamed of
it or something? They're all talking about the visual aspect and
maintaining appearances, but I just want to know what they have to say
about the smell.
I was a t a party once and there was a real loud-talking woman
there going on and on about THE SMELL, but she was DENYING ITS
EXISTENCE! I wanted to say "Hey, cut the crap! I can smell you from
here! You smell just like the dumpster out back of a Chinese Grocery!"
But from her behavior I thought it might provoke an attack.
So how about it, ladies? THE SMELL. Let's hear it.
"I'm all nostrils."
I asked Mrs. Nenslo, a genuine Yeti Goddess, about THE SMELL just
yesterday, and she said with a contrivedly blank look, "I don't know
anything about it."
What a load of crap! "Thus far but no farther," is that the
YetiWoman's motto? Tell 90 percent of the truth but don't acknowledge
the existence of the real secret weapon, the subliminal pecker-control
device by which you lead us poor chumps around LITERALLY by the nose??
The ONLY tool you have more powerful than MONEY?
Did I break some unwritten law by even mentioning this? What's the
firstname.lastname@example.org COPYRIGHT NENSLO/KDV 1994 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Send One Dollar to Box 86582 Portland OR 97286 USA
Subject: Re: Barbie clone
From: email@example.com (Lynn Duchez)
If we Yeti sex-slave drivers reveal the secrets of our true weapons, that
talk removes the weapons' charm, allure, sales AND SMELL! LO, you Yeti man, to
think that any slack seeking GODDESS of "BOB" would EVER REVEAL HER TRADE SECRETS!
Lynn Duchez: Subgenius Abbess, Pudding Wrestler!
"I may be going to hell in a bucket, babe,
but at least I'm enjoying the ride..."
Subject: Re: Barbie clone
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (SubGStang1)
Ironically, the Barbie doll, that totem of "what the Con wants women to
want to be," is -- now get ready for this -- BASED ON THE DAUGHTER OF
"BOB," BARBIE "GARBS" DOBBS. Look at the resemblance to Connie -- at the
gigantically enlarged forehead, the overlarge cranium, that look in the
eyes... she has her dad's eyes... she's rich, she's happy all the time...
Apparently, back in the 1950s, when Barbie was around 14, either "Bob" or
Connie sold Mattel on that particular "look," based on their daughter.
Barbie herself still gets royalties on those dolls, although she's a
middle aged woman herself now (see OVER 40, the "Tammy Faye Lookalike"
pictorial, November 1991).
See what I mean by ironic? "Bob," the ultimate symbol of everything crazed
and abnormal; his own daughter, the symbol of the Mindless Grinning Pink.
What a thin thin line.
Of course none of this reflects on the character of the real Barbie Dobbs.
Necessarily. We know very little about her. Dobbs wouldn't even let us
print her name until REVELATION X.
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