One of the most basic needs is that of sleep, and somehow, the CON has
taken even that most simple of needs and pleasures and made rules for
us to sleep by. For example, most people in Western countries sleep in
a bed. This bed is usually raised off the ground by several inches.
Unless you need the space to store stuff under, I've never understood
this situation. It makes no sense to sleep high off the ground. I
sleep on mattresses on the floor. If I fall out of bed, I'm not going
Another thing that bugs me about sleeping arrangements in America (in
particular) is that people think that they're supposed to sleep alone
or only with their spouse. We've CONfused sleep with sex, or accepted
the idea that the bedroom is the only place for sex. In less
industrial societies, adults and children sleep together, like other
primates. Putting your children in another room where they could be
harmed by intruders would be unthinkable in non-western societies.
When my oldest son was born, I became fearful. Not for myself, but for
him. Suddenly the world became a much more dangerous place because it
could easily take from me something I loved so much. The first night I
put him in his bed in the nursery, it tore my heart out. I couldn't
bear to hear him crying all alone. I took him to my bed. It was a
stroke of SubGenius on my part. Sleeping with him brought me enormous
Slack. I could nurse him almost in my sleep, so I actually GOT a
decent night's rest most of the time. I could sleep soundly because I
knew he was right there where I could hear him and protect him. I did
it because it FELT right to me. So many people told me, "You'll spoil
him." or "You'll be sorry." Well, they were completely and totally
wrong. When he got to be around two he stopped sleeping with me and
started sleeping in his own bed. He's pretty well adjusted and a
better SubGenius than I am. I don't know if he has an Oedipus complex
or not, but frankly with me as your mother, who the fuck would blame
The second child slept with me for about the same amount of time. He
seems to be doing okay (other than fucking off in English class). So
far, the prevailing wisdom seems to be just so much horseshit.
Here is how being a SubGenius benefits us all: I happen to be around a
good number of women in their twenties and early thirties. Over the
course of my years at the Mont, there have been at least a dozen
pregnancies. I am given the opportunity to tell others what I have
learned. By being willing to be the first person most of these women
have met who has gone against the status quo, I give them "permission"
to follow their own instincts. It's not so much that people WANT to
follow, they just want to be sure that they aren't the ONLY one. With
just the slightest hint of Yeti genes, a SubGenius will begin to walk
the path of individuality if they can be shown that others have done
it and survived.
In our house, we 'frop upstairs. Not to hide anything but not to be in
our kid's faces. Naturally this makes our bedroom something of a
second living room. If the bed were off the floor, it would be a bed.
Since it's on the floor, it's more like a big comfy sofa, and everyone
feels comfortable just piling on. I will even admit to letting the
dogs sleep with us. Bart is a daschund, and he likes...no, he NEEDS to
burrow. His spot is under the covers snugly up against the Bearded
Guy's ass (which on a scale of 1-10 is about a 4 in hairyness). 'Retha
started off as a very tiny puppy sleeping between our heads. Now that
she's pushing 40 pounds, she still thinks that's her spot. I have this
vision of a burglar sneaking into our bedroom and reaching over our
sleeping bodies only to encounter 100 pounds of teeth and claws...and
just when he thinks he's going to get away, out from under the covers
(at crotch level) comes a black bullet bred for badger destruction.
Sleeping with the world does have its occasional disadvantages. This
morning, I rolled over and felt something under my back. In my sleep,
I reached over and found a bone fragment. This is not unusual, 'Retha
is still teething. I tossed it onto the floor by the bed. After fully
waking this morning, I was picking up beside the bed (water glass,
kleenex, etc.) and found the bone. It was actually the last three
joints of a bunny with the fur still attached. I checked under the
covers to make sure the remainder wasn't still waiting for me. Thank
Dobbs, it wasn't.
Reverend Mutha Tarla, Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy,
A Proud Jism Schism of the Church of the SubGenius, Worshipping
"Connie" Dobbs and Juicy Retardo since 1986
From: email@example.com (Pee Kitty)
Aprilfish (firstname.lastname@example.org) wrote:
: room is the only place in the house to socialize. Makes sense to me, but
: boy do people look at my funny when I climb onto their beds and hang out.
You'd fit in just fine with our group. Going over to another person's
house generally consists of going over, going into the bedroom, and
flopping down on the bed together to talk or hang out or something...or
just flopping down onto the floor together on a blanket or something.
I've slept with most of my friends, and it often takes me a second to
realize why people are giving me a weird look when I tell them that.
People DO confuse sleeping with sex, all because of the damned phrase
"sleeping together". I dunno...I've given up trying to understand the
WHY. I grok the HOW (how people got like that), and that's discomforting
Rev. Pee Kitty, of the order Malkavian-Dobbsian
* Are you abnormal? Then you are probably BETTER than most people! *
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