Revolt against Fake Tits

From: (Modemac)

[ Article crossposted from ]
[ Author was Frank Wallis ]

I can't take it anymore. Something must be done to protest the
horrible practice of breast augmentation surgery and its
influence upon the American entertainment industry.

What happened to natural beautiful boobs? In the 1980s western
culture witnessed a "beauty" movement aimed at making women
think the way to attractiveness was through larger breasts.
During that time any aspiring actress or model felt some
pressure to have her breasts pumped up with bags of silicone.

In the fields where bare breasts were an occupational
requirement, fake tits became "normal". The evidence could be
seen on the pages of Playboy and Penthouse; in countless porn
videos; and in dozens of exotic dancing venues. This insidious
phenomenon moved into Hollywood, and then into general culture,
to the point where teenage girls in wealthy families are having
boob jobs to stay popular.

It's time for a revolution against bionic boobs, and I'm
publishing a newsletter to praise natural beauty in women. Just
look at some old Playboys from the 1960s and 1970s. Talent
agents, photographers, and editors had little trouble
discovering beautiful natural women.

This newsletter is called _The Genuine Article_, and it will
come out quarterly. Cost, $1.00. It features letters, articles,
and photos devoted to the theme that fake tits have no place on
the pages of men's magazines, in x-videos, and on strip-club

If you agree with the theme of _The Genuine Article_, then
please lend a hand, or your pen, and speak your mind. Most
likely, I'll publish your thoughts on this subject.

Frank Wallis, Editor
The Genuine Article
PO Box 654
Monroe, CT 06468
| Reverend Modemac ( |
+-------------+ "There is no black and white." +------------+
| First Online Church of "Bob," A Subfaction of the Excremeditated |
| Congregation of the Overinflated Head of L. Ron Hubbard |
FINGER for a FREE SubGenius Pamphlet!


Subject: Re: Revolt Against Fake Tits
From: (Rev. Ivan Stang)

Well, this guy must have some serious spare time on his hands... but I
gotta admit, I'm with him. I'm sorry, but my Bonoboian instincts react to
the REALISTIC. Heck, show me a "babe" with tits of DIFFERENT SIZES and
I'll KNOW it's for real! You get TWO count em TWO DIFFERENT FETISH OBJECTS
for the price of ONE! One "big," one "small." That's the ticket. And yet
gals so endowed -- and that's a large percentage of gals -- are
EMBARRASSED about it. Go figure. Truly the Conspiracy is more insidious,
and on deeper levels, than even WE can imagine. Almost.

I have been told -- this is hearsay, mind you -- that the fake ones FEEL
fake. Like, you can feel the implanted material sliding around independent
of the rest. And it's kind of HARD. Seems like it'd be creepy from the
tactile viewpoint. Although the purely visual response cannot be denied.

Heard a RADIO COMMERCIAL for "Penile Enlargement Surgery" the other day.
DIDN'T have the tape deck for once, damn it. The Dallas Morning News has
regular ads for some clinic here in Dallas that'll pump up your small dick
into a massive monster (well, that's exactly the kind of city Dallas is).
The first song on Mojo Nixon's new album grapples with this new



Subject: Re: Revolt Against Fake Tits
From: TarlaStar <>

Well Reverend, you've finally hit upon a subject that I have
personal knowledge of...Tits. I've seen more than you can shake
a stick at, up close and personal. As a woman painter, I can get
other women to take off their clothes most any old time. I am
noted for painting fabulous tits.

What I don't understand is why men like HUGE MONSTER TITTIES.
Aesthetically they just don't appeal to me. They don't fit the
rest of the body usually.

At the restaurant where I work part-time, one of the girls just
got a new set of fakes. She couldn't come in to work last night
because she was afraid of popping a stitch or something. I miss
the fact that my own personal tits don't smile up at the sun
anymore, but I'd also hate to be worried about my mate ripping
open that little bag, and the next thing you know you look like
you've got a flat. I'll stick with what I have. I like 'em
anyway. They even have names.

You'd have to be pretty damned desperate to go for penile
implants wouldn't you? From what I've seen most men are so
frightened of anyone getting close to their dicks with a scalpel
that they won't even consider vasectomies, much less any actual
cutting of the wang.

Rev. Mutha Tarla, Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy;
a Proud Jism Schizm of the Church of the SubGenius, Worshipping
"Connie" Dobbs and Juicy Retardo since 1986

Subject: Re: Revolt Against Fake Tits
From: (NENSLO)

TarlaStar ( wrote:

: What I don't understand is why men like HUGE MONSTER TITTIES.
: Aesthetically they just don't appeal to me. They don't fit the
: rest of the body usually.

Nenslo replies, for educational purposes:

As an unashamed breast fetishist, well, a LITTLE ashamed,
anyway... I can tell you straight from the horse's ass that it's not so
much a matter of LIKING. It's not a matter of will or choice, looking at
something and saying "I like that!" It's like, here's Nenslo, see, the
reasoning part of the nenslo brain all suave and nattily attired with a
cocktail in one hand and a cigarette in the other just like George
Sanders as The Saint. Enter HIDEOUS SHE-DOG with a facefull of caked-on
makeup and half an inch of black roots in her frizzled burned-out hair,
but a pair of hooters the size of watermelons wobbling around inside her
dirty t-shirt, and out of nowhere pops the HOWLING YOWLING WOLF-BABY

I've actually had adult males try to convince me that breast
fetishism has something to do with the REPRODUCTIVE URGE! HAH! No, the
reason certain brains go into automatic override at the sight of a pair
of huge yams is a harkening back to those blessed days of TOTAL PHYSICAL
BLISS which the adultified brain tries to connect up with the only
"permissible" total physical bliss situation available to "grown-ups"
i.e., fornication. No, boy, I am so much happier since I got used to the
fact that I don't want to HUMP all those bountiful babes, I just want to
be cuddled and coddled and snuggled up between those enormous globes and
quietly nap my life away.

As a student of the medium from way back I'd like to recall to
some of you reading this that there was a time when pornographic
photography didn't have the constant drive to show as much of the female
INTERIOR as possible. It was, in fact, illegal to show pubic hair and
there was a school of 'art photography' specializing in NAKED WOMEN,
usually with their pants still on. And scattered throughout the
publications featuring the more hugely endowed members of the fair sex it
was possible to find numerous unflattering photographs of the subject
taken from an extreme low angle, the shadowy bosoms lowering down over
the camera... yes, the exact viewpoint of FEEDING TIME.

Baby Nenslo


Subject: Re: Revolt Against Fake Tits
From: (Bryan D. White)

Despite the efforts of my wife and I to talk her out of it, an
extraordinarily beautiful friend of ours just had saline implants to
enlarge her breasts. Seemingly, she doesn't believe that the constant
attention she was receiving from all varieties of men (and some women)
was honestly due to her already fine looks - instead she believes they
were gawking at her smallish chest. I haven't seen her yet - she lives in
N.C., but she'll be here in may and I'll deliver a verdict on how they
look/feel. Personally, I'm against cosmetic surgery in all but extreme
cases of deformity. BTW- one of the main places I received my adolescent
sex education was a girl I lived with in Seattle - One VERY large breast
and one tiny one. Amazing stuff! She eventually had to get that
straightened out, due to the extreme strain it placed on her back, and I
can understand that.



Subject: Re: Revolt Against Fake Tits
From: (Jamie Schrumpf)

>TarlaStar <> wrote:
>You'd have to be pretty damned desperate to go for penile
>implants wouldn't you? From what I've seen most men are so
>frightened of anyone getting close to their dicks with a scalpel
>that they won't even consider vasectomies, much less any actual
>cutting of the wang.

Well, I had a vasectomy only DAYS before the birth of my third child
(talk about bad timing). And I will say that there is a certain chill
that goes up your spine when the doc, after allowing the anesthetic to
work for a while, says "Let me know if you feel this," followed by the
sound of MEAT being cut by SCISSORS! It's a certain kind of SNICK sound
that, once you hear it, you'll never forget it.

--Jamie (now set free from biology and loving it)


Subject: Re: Revolt Against Fake Tits
From: (Doktor BoogieDown)

I second that sentiment. But, in an aside of PURE HORROR, I recently had
a form of minor surgery "down there" where there was a benign cyst on my
"jewel satchel", and it had to be BURNED OFF by a LASER! I say SMOKE rising
from my loins, and a distinct SIZZLE could be perceived. Granted, the
procedure was a complete success (that'll teach me for rubbing plutonium
on my nads before sex with an Elder Goddess), but the images haunt me still.

Semper Dobbs,
Doktor BoogieDown


Subject: Penile Injuries (was Re: Revolt Against Fake Tits)
From: (Peter Dudey Drake)

TarlaStar <> wrote:
>You'd have to be pretty damned desperate to go for penile
>implants wouldn't you? From what I've seen most men are so
>frightened of anyone getting close to their dicks with a scalpel
>that they won't even consider vasectomies, much less any actual
>cutting of the wang.

From Kalat's _Biological_Psychology_, p. 442-3:

"One physician, while trying to circumcise a baby boy using an
electrical procedure, accidentally used too high a current and burned
off the entire penis."

Imperial Megapope Yipping Mundungus, Ministry of Cool-Looking Spaceships
Giant Man-eating Invisible Atheist Pygmy Vegetarian Chameleons for Jesus
Turning Bullshit into Science since 1956.
Stop the ICR before they take over YOUR school district!

PETER DUDEY DRAKE 279-D SE Lilly Ave., Corvallis, OR 97333 -

MS student in Artificial Intelligence, Oregon State University
"Wow! That was so cool, Rizzo! I've never been pulled through a block
and tackle before!" -- Gonzo


Subject: Re: Penile Injuries (was Re: Revolt Against Fake Tits)
From: (Gilmore)

Dennis McClain-Furmanski ( wrote:

: Yeah, I remember that one. It was one of a set of twins too. They tried to
: turn him into a female with drugs and surgery. It never worked. He never was
: comfortable as a female. Never even looked like one really. Last I heard
: s/he was in college and still didn't know what actually happened.

How likely is it that s/he doesn't know what actually happened, while
seemingly the entire population of alt.slack now apparently knows the
whole story?!

Let's home e isn't a reader of alt.slack; e'll be pretty horrified to
find eir secret origin being splattered all over the place when e didn't
even know it emself!


Subject: Re: Penile Injuries (was Re: Revolt Against Fake Tits)
From: (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)

I salute your pronounal bravado.

However, if the metaphorical beans have been spilled, it's much more likely
to have happened from reading Kalat's book that from reading alt.slack.
His text is one of two top college texts in the field of biopsych.

Besides if hse ever did read alt.slack, hse'd almost certainly leave
immediately, uncomprehending. Simply because hse couldn't possibly be a


Subject: Re: Penile Injuries (was Re: Revolt Against Fake Tits)
From: (Gilmore)

: This person wouldn't happen to be named "Pat" or anything very similar to
: that, no would s/he? I hope you know which "Pat" I am referring to. That
: would be interesting to know... whether or not there really is a "Pat"-like
: being out there...

Look, if you must know, and I mean this in all seriousness, such people
are known as "spivaks". They have their own set of pronouns:

he -> e
him -> em
his -> eir

Friend o mine (and quite the SubGenius) identifies emself as such.


Subject: Re: Penile Injuries (was Re: Revolt Against Fake Tits)
From: (Matt Alexander)

"Spivak" is new to me, but it's a medical *FACT* that an average of 3-5%
of all human newborns (15% in cattle-raising Central American puppets.
Growth hormone, anyone?) have what is known as "ambiguous genitalia". This
usually manifests as two distinct sets of gonads, or something which
could either be called a small penis or a big clit. The Con doctors
usually "correct" this condition by lopping of the excess or sewing up
the offending orifices, and then pumping the subject full of the "right"
hormones. OBVIOUSLY the Conspiracy of western technobabble is trying to stem
the mighty march of HUMAN/YETI EVOLUTION! Resist I say! Support your
local midwife!

-><- Matt Alexander "Chunga say: LIVE FOR FREE."

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew
them like applesauce they taste more like prunes than a rhubarb does.
Now, uh.. Now you tell me what you know." -Marx


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