Stupid Saint Tricks & misc. short posts

From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)

trevay@marcam.com (The Ven. Maha Swami-ji B. Geebees) wrote:

>But Saint Bridget, ahh, Dear Saint Bridget, what was her Trademark
>Miracle?

> She Turned Her Bathwater Into BEER!

So what?...I can turn MY bathwater into PEE!

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Subject: Re: Duuuh... where's the
From: iceknife@ashram.com (ICEKNIFE)

Tarla wrote:
*we do the work, advertising, etc. Stang gets the money...that's a
*whore as far as I'm concerned. That's not to say that Stang isn't
*working too, just that he's whoring for Dobbs.

I like to think I'm as much trouble as I am help...

>DO YU CUM IN YOUR OWN CREAMY SAUCE? HOW LONG DO I MICROWAVE YOU?

* Of course.... 30 seconds, make a 1/4 turn, another 30 seconds, and I
* should be warm enough to eat.

suggest a garnish (WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FUCKING LAZY?)

>I pimped White Hot Nippled Dominatrix Are For Kids Barbie

* Barbie makes a great 'french tickler'

TRUE --- but it helps if you shave her

>I pimped the Great Gray Nunsnake Alopeesha Darnell

*But did she make you any money at all?

too much... almost had to give some to Dobbsy-boy

>I pimped Margaret Thatcher (BEFORE oBo bought her contract)

*and THIS one...ugly as homemade sin, with a voice that could warp
* space, oh yeah, a real cash cow is old Maggie.

bet she made more than YOU did last year!!! British men LIKE ugly old
broads!

>I taught Nancy and Babs that butt-to-butt two-headed dildo thing RIGHT IN THE
>FUCKING OVAL OFFICE, ON THE DESK, BUY GAWD, JUST WHERE ABE MADE MARY SQUEAL
>LIKE A STUCK SUCKLING HOGGLETTEAN

* Dear "Bob", Man, have you no shame? They could have locked wrinkles
* and been seriously damaged!

big fat hairy greasy smegmazoidal deal, babe. Yogurt people... PRESPOLIED.
like cheese or any other pre-rotted food product

*You think Mary squealed for Abe? Why do you think she bought a one-way
*ticket to Looneyville when Tad took a dirtnap, Hmmm? Put's a whole new
*twist on the term "mother love", don't it?

Yup, during her manic phases she wasn't always violent. Her depressive
phase did become more profound after the boy bit the bug bed, but her
big pink brainrot had more to do with that than your hope of her pooning
her own loinfroot... sorry, rent a tape

* I fold, spindle, mutate, trade souls on the black market...

and this, like, gets yer nips hard? black market? bah, bad place to operate
for those of us in wholesale

*coffee, because people who own their own espresso machines
*rarely wear berets.

well, obviously, if you have the machine, you don't need the stoopid frunch
baghat... or am i thinking of a loaf of frunch bread? or is that a baglette?

* You forget "Pearl Necklace Barbie"
* "Lesbian Barbie and her bitch, Midge"
* "The Best Little Barbie in Texas"
* "Spank-me with a hairbrush Barbie"

I didn't forget anything, I only bothered with 13, because I suddenly ceased
to CARE

*"Seattle Ken" (comes with plaid shirt, dbl skinny decaf latte, and
*shotgun)

kill yourself

>RESPECT FOR MY HARD-STOLEN SLUTHOOD...

* So sue me, or kill me...whatever

oh, ok... I choose WHATEVER (that's where you send me THE THINGS AND STUFF)

*Thanks, but I already have my own succubus. Your nether region
*stink?...mmmm, tasty!

no, no... the succubi stink... my nether regions are merely odiferous

>but hey, if that's what YOU NEED... $21.17 per unit.

* what? that's outrageous...I won't pay! You give me everything I want

DAMN YOUR SPLEEN, IF YOU WANNA GET FUCKED UP FOR LIFE, THAT'S WHAT IT
COSTS AND I'M GETTING REALLY TIRED OF EXPLAINING THIS BASIC FACT OF
DEMILIFE TO YOU SMARMY LITTLE WEDGEWOOD DILDO HOLSTERS

>NOTE: WE'RE SORRY, BUT OUR ACCOUNTING OFFICES WILL NO LONGER EXCEPT QUATLOOS

* How 'bout Confederate dollars?

In good to mint condition, sure... the collection value can vary, but there's
actually a decent collector base to operate with.

ICEKNIFE

... BUGS YOU CAN RELATE TO : SASE & $1 to P.O.BOX 140306 DALLAS TX 75214

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Subject: Re: HA!
From: ltwilkes@netcom.com (Lt. Wilkes)

ltwilkes@netcom.com (Lt. Wilkes) writes:
> \ / Sincerely,
> :-P >==8(-: Lieutenant Wilkes
^^^
> / \
>World Peace Through Oral Sex. Think Globally, Act Locally

Hey! What the heck happened to my sig? Where did the bush ("#") go?:-)
Geez, I disappear for a few weeks and youse guys go and sabotage my sig.:-)
--
\ / Sincerely,
:-P #==8(-: Lieutenant Wilkes
/ \
World Peace Through Oral Sex. Think Globally, Act Locally

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Subject: Re: DUMB BITCH - I copy....
From: anarch@cse.ucsc.edu (Anarch)

[This article, hereby christened "The Brag of Joan Brewer", now crossposted
to alt.slack, as if we weren't ALREADY having enough fun]

Joan L. Brewer <redrose@chinook.halcyon.com> wrote:
>
>Let's see....

>I'm a severely dyslexic systems engineer and you are claiming I was hired
>at MS to do sales? I have a degree in Computer Systems Engineering and a
>Minor In Laser Electo-Optics! No one would ever hire me for sales! I was
>hired into MS as a Systems Engineer in Inside Sales! My job was to
>explain the technical detail require to upgrade military system to MS
>Windows 3.0. My client base was engineer in the military. Do you want
>some names? I was working with CECOM, NARDAC, SSC/SSMCT and US ARMY TEXCOM
>EXPERIMENTATION CENTER... I don't think MS hired a stupid bitch to deal
>with this level of knowledge.

>You have 2 problems.... I was either hired at MS as a systems engineer as
>I claimed and trashed, causing MS to write a bogus memo for the EEOC or I
>was as I said, hired to be harassed and injured from the harassment and
>HR at MS was lied to by the men about my hiring.

>If you want phone numbers call the ones listed in disk-cpy.txt that is a
>code dump we engineer can do. Its in the Steve directory I made just
>incalse another executive at MS can read and wants the truth... You see, I
>left MS with a few floppies and retrieved info from this one.... I got
>just what I wanted... Part of my data passed as deleted and the brain dead
>idiot who hired me Stiles, had no idea what I was walking out with.

>The FUCKING brain dead idiot who fired me... That turkey who is called
>Stiles at MS, looked at this disk and didn't see what I did.... If you
>think a women can't think at the same level as a man, get real.... Any
>women can do what I did. MS DOS is totally brain dead!

>Gates was stupid to hire me and think he could intimidate me. He was even
>more stupid to let me out of Building 8 with a floppy disk... like this!
>He is so FUCKING stupid that he doesn't even know why REAL engineers
>consider this system dangerous! This is Windows SHIT!! He is kissed by his
>own ass!

>I didn't even find this floppy at first. I had a problem and lost one
>of the files. So I wrote my own program to find it and found all kind
>of other stuff... It was almost a year when I came up with this.... Just
>a random fine! Ain't DOS and Window GREAT!!!! They dicked me and I
>dicked them back....

>As a women at my intellectual level do you really thing after a month of
>harassment I would walk out without evidence? Baby, I'm a FUCKING
>ENGINEER! Most women at my level are also called Bitchers.... I like that
>label quit well. They can say what they want about my engineering
>skill... But they can't change what I am... I'm a FUCKING BITCH! A Very
>High TECH 1! Evidently, Anne Bingaman is too stupid to konw real evidence
>when she sees it. I'm sure there are other engineers that will verifie
>that this is what it is.... I hacked a floppy to save this info. I have
>it a and its verifiable.... I doubt they would remember me, but they are
>who they are and so was I! Sure. I was a sales women... In you dreams
>baby!
>YOU! Bimbos are everywhere.

>YOU ARE FUCKING WITH A FEMALE ENGINEER, BIMBO!!! FUCK ME MORE...BITCH!

>You are like shit to someone like me... a piece of brain dead shit....
>tell me how stupid I am... PLEASE!

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Subject: THE Lord STRUCK My THANG
From: james.gradisher@nccbbs.com (JAMES GRADISHER)

Found in alt.pagan:
TL> Hello,
TL> My name is The Living Large Lord Leroy. I am a tall man of color,
TL> with a mission. The Lord gave me this mission. Let me explain.
TL> It was stormin real hard down in one of the southern states, where I
TL> was livin. Well, I was outside fishin by the river, and then suddenly it
TL> happened. The Lord or was it that Satan guy, struck me real hard
TL> with lighnin, right on my penis, right on my thang?!
TL> Well now, this gave me almost permanent erection. My thang is much bigger
TL> now, and almost always hard. As the Bible say: My rod and my staff they
TL> comfort me. Well, as I said the Lord done did me and gave me a mission.
TL> God gave me nine inches. And now, I am a pelvic missionary. I have sex
TL> with christian, magical, and pagan women. They all be similar in bed,
TL> only some of them be wilder than others.
TL> That is my story. Look for me in your town. I am goin national.
TL> I am LIVING LARGE!!! :)))
TL> Cordially,
TL> The Living Large Lord Leroy

Pelvic Missionaries? A new SubG denomination?
All hail Lord Leroy...

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